Museum Attendance Up During Recession
"I figured if I stood in the video art section long enough they'd just hire me as a security guard."
U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Just A Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion
recent Economy news »
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Fork Manufacturer Introduces Fifth Tine To Accommodate Growing American Mouthfuls
EVANSVILLE, IN—In an effort to keep pace with the rapid growth of American mouthfuls, flatware manufacturer KitchenMaster announced yesterday the addition of a fifth tine to its line of...
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Ford Recalls 2010 Mustang For Being Too Cool
DETROIT—-Ford officials issued a massive recall of the entire 2010 Mustang line Tuesday, apologizing for a quality-control oversight that led to the company manufacturing a badass muscle car...
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Forgotten Assyrian God Revived To Name Sports Drink
NEW YORK—Representatives from the sports drink manufacturer Powerade announced Wednesday that Nisroch, the ancient Assyrian god of agriculture, has been resurrected from the depths of...
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Wal-Mart Cuts Over 13,000 Of What It Calls Jobs
BENTONVILLE, AR—Retail giant Wal-Mart has announced in recent weeks that, effective immediately, it is cutting as many as 13,000 of what it somehow has the audacity to refer to as "jobs"...
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Hospital Paperwork Reduces Man's Reading Comprehension To First-Grade Level
HOUSTON—The frustrating paperwork for a routine visit to St. Luke's Episcopal Hospital reduced Kenneth Anderson's reading comprehension to a first-grade level Monday, forcing the 39-year-old...
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Burger King Looks Open
SCHAUMBURG, IL—Sources from within the car driving slowly past the Burger King at Roselle and Hartford report that, despite the late hour, the restaurant looks as if it could possibly be...
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Struggling US Airways Introduces $100 Million Bomb Fee
TEMPE, AZ—With holiday traffic down almost 4 percent compared to last year and business continuing to decline, US Airways announced Monday that it would allow VIP customers to bring bombs on...
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Make-A-Reasonable-Request Foundation Provides Sick Child With Decent Seats To Minnesota Timberwolves Game
MINNEAPOLIS—A dream nearly came true for leukemia patient Cody Patterson last week when the Make-A-Reasonable-Request Foundation provided the 10-year-old with free tickets to a Timberwolves...
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Real Estate
Do Not Buy This House
That was reverse psychology. Please buy this house. Did it work? Seriously, though, don't buy this house. Open House Sunday, 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Don't come. Reference number CH3950997
Real Estate
Not Getting Any Younger!
Time to grow up and move home to Eau Claire, WI, say your grandparents. That girl you took to the prom has a good job at the VA hospital and could make room in her life—and condo—for a handsome, single 34-year-old guy. Reference number MA2565902
