Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology 03.02.10

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—"Whether you're Michael Paulson who lives at 3425 Longview Terrace and makes $86,400 a year, or Jessica Goldblatt from Lynnwood, WA, who already has well-established trust issues, we at Google would just like to say how very, truly sorry we are," said CEO Eric Schmidt. more»

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Yellowstone Park Attempts To Increase Ranger Population With New Mating Program 03.01.10

JACKSON, WY—In an effort to revitalize its rapidly dwindling ranger population, officials at Yellowstone National Park unveiled a new mating program this week in hopes of doubling the...
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Archaeologists Discover Remnants Of Legendary Party Out By Train Tracks 03.01.10

COLUMBIA, SC—Archaeologists excavating the train tracks out by the quarry announced Tuesday that they have discovered evidence of an epic party dating back to the late- February period of...
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Paleontologists: 'We've Been Looking At Dinosaurs Upside Down' 02.23.10

SALT LAKE CITY—In a paradigm-shattering revelation that has shocked the scientific community, paleontologists from the Utah Geological Survey offered definitive proof Wednesday that, for the...
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Rise In Teen Pregnancy Proves Teens Still Got It 02.15.10

WASHINGTON—Squashing any fears that they might have lost it, a 3 percent increase in teen pregnancy rates positively confirmed Tuesday that America's teenagers still have it and, in some...
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NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission 02.08.10

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—NASA officials announced today the successful launch of the new shuttle Moonage Daydream, marking the beginning of a long-anticipated two-week conceptual mission...
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Alzheimer's Disease Causing Baby Boomers To Misremember 1960s Even More 02.04.10

PALO ALTO, CA—Alzheimer's researchers at Stanford University published a study this week showing that the degenerative brain disease is beginning to affect the baby boomer generation,...
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Frantic Steve Jobs Stays Up All Night Designing Apple Tablet 01.27.10

CUPERTINO, CA—Claiming that he completely forgot about the much-hyped electronic device until the last minute, a frantic Steve Jobs reportedly stayed up all night Tuesday in a desperate...
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Science Channel Refuses To Dumb Down Science Any Further 01.26.10

SILVER SPRING, MD—Frustrated by continued demands from viewers for more awesome and extreme programming, Science Channel president Clark Bunting told reporters Tuesday that his cable network...
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