This Week

I Bought An Awesome Gun That Makes Me Feel Like God, But I Hope I Never Have To Use It

Tom Slaznik

02.23.10

You never know when life could take a tragic turn. One moment you're sleeping comfortably in your home and the next you suddenly find yourself in...

I Don't Talk Much, But When I Do, Nobody Really Cares

Peter Grossman

02.18.10

I'm not the type of guy who likes to throw his opinions around willy-nilly. Most of the time, I'm happy enough to just sit back and take in what...

Editorial Cartoon »

Recent Opinions

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  You Are Your Own Worst Enemy, And After That, It's Count Dementox

  By Nathan Helgesson
  02.16.10

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  Smoove Is Not A Fan Of Valentine's Day

  By
  02.11.10

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  There Should Be No Secrets In Our Relationship Excluding The Events Of March 2, 2004

  By Craig McKay
  02.09.10

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  If I See A Shirt I Like, I'll Usually Just Buy It

  By Warren Buffett
  02.04.10

Corrections

In last week's issue of The Onion, all of the references to NASA and NAMBLA should have been switched. The Onion regrets the error.

Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion,

I think a really interesting story would be about how the Ultra Stomp Rocket and the iPod Nano are good, educational toys for kids. Also, my birthday is Feb. 12, so please run it before then.

Paul Kosidowski, Lake Geneva, WI