Obese Filmmaker Booted From Flight
"I feel sorry for all the passengers who missed out on a 40-minute monologue exploring Star Wars and oral sex."
NEW YORK—Saying they were bored and there was nothing fun to do in the ABC studios, the spunky crew of Good Morning America announced "really big plans" Thursday to write and...
…more »"I feel sorry for all the passengers who missed out on a 40-minute monologue exploring Star Wars and oral sex."
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Lunch insiders confirmed rumors Monday that Mayonnaise and Black Forest Ham would share top billing in a highly anticipated upcoming sandwich, which sources said is still in...
…more »BLACKSBURG, VA—Scholars and critics across the country expressed outrage this week following the release of Chomper & Clomper, a children's book that some have called an irresponsible...
…more »ORLANDO, FL—Though known for his personal homages to New York City in songs such as "Brooklyn's Finest" and "Empire State of Mind," hip-hop icon Jay-Z announced Monday that, upon closer...
…more »MIAMI—Just three weeks before its highly anticipated on-field performance at the Super Bowl XLIV halftime show, the popular CBS crime drama CSI is gearing up for what network...
…more »WAVERLY, NE—A comprehensive 12-disc box set containing every episode of that show about the lady sheriff is now available for retail purchase, area shopper T. Eric Mayhew told reporters...
…more »LOS ANGELES— Five-time Academy Award winner and Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood attended a press junket Tuesday to promote his new film Invictus, the latest project in the director's...
…more »Prominent ethnochoreologists now believe that roughly 20,000 years ago, early humans finally consumed an amount of fermented fruits and vegetables staggering enough to develop the impulsive series...
…more »NBC
7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST
Men and women who have trained their entire lives for this moment are humored by television crews while the figure-skating rink is resurfaced.
NBC
5 p.m. EST / 4 p.m. CST
If it's the Winter Olympics, then ski jumps, snowboarding, and the thrilling skeleton are electrifying muted flat-screens in malls everywhere.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
© Copyright 2010 Onion Inc. All rights reserved.