Cheating Myths and Facts
Cheating Myths and Facts
By Vicki Salemi
Not everyone cheats, but a lot of us do. According to a 2006 report on sexual behavior by the National Opinion Research Center, nearly a quarter of married men and 13 of married women have had an affair. But there's more to infidelity than you think. The truth may surprise you.
Hormones affect fidelity
Yes. Women with high levels of the sex hormone oestradiol may be more likely to commit adultery, according to a new study by psychology researchers at The University of Texas at Austin. Women with high levels of oestradiol, an ovarian hormone linked to fertility, felt more attractive and were more likely to flirt, kiss and have a serious affair with a new partner. Additionally, oestradiol levels were negatively associated with a woman's satisfaction with her primary partner. Researchers posit that the findings show that highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by long-term partners and are motivated to seek out more desirable partners. However, they're more likely to be serial monogamists than engage in casual sex.
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Cheating is all about sex
Not so, says Scott Haltzman, MD, a clinical professor at Brown University and author of ''The Secrets of Happy Married Men.' Cheating can occur on an emotional level without any sexual contact. Friendship becomes emotional infidelity when there is an emotional intimacy, sexual tension and is kept secret or outside the marriage, says Dr. Haltzman.
People cheat because they've fallen out of love
"Few affairs begin because one person feels like they no longer love their spouse or partner," says Dr. Haltzman. "They may not be happy at the moment but it doesn't mean there isn't any love." Reasons for cheating often point to other issues in the relationship, such as the husband needing an ego boost from a woman not his wife, or the wife looking for more attention than she gets at home.
People cheat only with hotter, younger people
If Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are any indication, the unfaithful don't necessarily gravitate to the hotter, younger. An affair is often rooted in a void in your current relationship, says Matt Titus, a relationship expert and author of 'Why Hasn't He Called?' "You cheat because you're looking for what your spouse or partner doesn't have." For example, some cheaters are blind to looks but bedazzled by wit, wealth or intelligence.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
"When you learn by loss, you see repercussions for your actions," says Titus. A reformed adulterer from his first marriage (which ended in divorce), he says he's felt the consequences of his infidelity and matured emotionally from the experience. He's now remarried. "I was given a second chance. I would never cheat on my wife, so once a cheater, always a cheater is not always true."
A marriage can't withstand cheating
"An affair doesn't have to be a death knell to a relationship," says Dr. Haltzman. "It can be a wake up call instead." If you look on the bright side, an affair can be a springboard to open a dialogue via counseling sessions to discuss the underlying problems in the relationship. "A marriage or relationship absolutely can withstand cheating."
One-time cheating is no different than an affair
"It is different," says Rhonda Fine, PhD, a clinical sexologist and diplomate of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. "One-time cheating still breaks a bond of trust in your relationship, but affairs are much more emotionally vested than a one-night stand." In both cases you've disrespected your partner and marriage vows, but ongoing affairs could be worse, as they often lead to emotional intimacy.
Women don't cheat
Oh yes they do, corrects Dr. Fine. "As women are more involved in the workforce and travel on business trips, they encounter more situations which make them prone to cheating." Plus, Dr. Fine says women bond more easily than men. "When they work closely with men, they feel more emotionally vested in the relationship."
Men cheat because they're not getting enough at home
There are a variety of reasons why people cheat, and it's not always about the sex, says Dr. Fine. "People cheat because they're selfish, immature or narcisstic. Or they're excitement junkies and attracted to the drama. They put their needs ahead of others and rarely blame themselves why they cheated in the first place."
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Recent Comments
Rsee1953 09:51:42 PM Nov 23 2009
All this is a crock about "tramps" or letting men think they are in charge...yada yada. This is about getting a little on the side, or more, and chasing the endomorphin rush. Forget the psychobabel...Getting laid is getting laid, nuff said
Drewsqueen1620 02:39:59 AM Oct 25 2009
I believe some people, women especially, have a hard time depicting a friendship versus an emotional affair. When you have a dedicated partner, that person is your best friend and the number one person you display your feelings to. It does not matter how long B was your best friend or how cool he is, you do not leave your significant other almost in the dark about your thoughts and feelings. It does not matter if this "friend" lives 1,000 miles, is gay, or "too much like a sibling", if you're dedicating a large amount of communication and emotions to this person then you are having an emotional affair.
JustOooO 03:10:13 AM Sep 13 2009
Clearly theres a misconception with " Marriage" and "financially stable" When your married there is a pact made between two adults to love each other endlessly and honestly till death do you part. This concept has been a hard subject to tackle because the lack of realism from cinemas and hot novels or even mixed impressions of what marriage is intended to be. Many people on here whom give reasons why they cheat are simply contradicting the vows they made when the rings were exchanged. Money cannot buy you happiness nor can it buy you a love life. If you married for money you get what you deserve.
FirstTOut 11:03:14 PM Sep 09 2009
This "Dr Fine" person is totally off base as to why people cheat. I have been married 26 years and raised three children - my lover is also married (for 21 years) and has three grown children, also. We don't cheat because we are"narcissists, immature, self centered, etc.".. as this quack Dr Fine seems to believe we must be. We are highly achieving, successful adults who have everything we could ever wish for in life except for one main thing - a loving companion to share our lives with. We are not "thinking only of ourselves", etc. We are both in loveless marriages wherein each of our spouses don't care at all if there is intimacy, romance or respect in their lives. The fact that we both found each other after being in loveless doomed marriages for so long in the first place - is a blessing we give thanks for each day. We are slowly navigating out of our cold, insensitive relationships so that we can begin to show the renewed joy and continued appreciation we have for each other
Licosboy59 08:11:08 PM Aug 08 2009
I think when two person stop making love for more then three or four years is hard to keep your self together, you need to find some one to like even you love your wife those the problem with some mirage the we lose all the activity in are life.
Saysoo1 12:36:56 AM Jul 31 2009
Contrary to previous comments I agree that what they're doing is acceptable. Don't talk to me about morals, values, etc., when the real issue is what she's doing is what 60% of other married women are doing but don't advertise it.
Edcwilson 09:10:42 PM Jul 28 2009
If you need suggestions, use the educational tool that 13 year olds do: xtube.com
GWAPA2009 10:47:21 PM Jun 19 2009
it's not friendship but love, committment and moral values in life. in the first place, why marry if you just want to have sex with every male? when you get old and wrinkled, whom will you turn to? wake up Mistress3. . ..
ATONYCLIFTON 11:55:03 AM Mar 25 2009
mixtress3 you are the biggest **** going....why the hell are u married if you still wanna tramp around and act like a *****. you say" there are times we've been with others, and we even tell each other about it, because we're such great friends", do u realize how ridiculous you sound? do whatever the hell ya want and tell anyone ya need to about it but why be married if ya need to do that ??? that's not what marriage is...to get up in front of all your friends and family on your weding day and say you'll be faithful to ONE person ,and then do what u do is just ridiculous, slutty, and ugly. if you can't respect your own relationship (or yourself for that matter), how can u expect us to.? grow up!
