Open Marriage
Love, Sex and Parenting in an Open Relationship
Courtesy of Seal
"This is the story about a girl who grew up believing what many girls believe -- that one day she would fall in love with the man of her dreams, marry him, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yet as she grew older, all she felt was confused ... "
This is how Jenny Block, author of the up-close-and-personal memoir "Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage," launches into the inner-workings of her love life. In her book, she describes how she bought into the whole "monogamy thing." She married the nice guy, moved to a nice neighborhood, had a baby and then lost the magic. She eventually had an affair with her best friend, Grace. When she revealed the affair to her husband, a whole new chapter in their marriage opened up.
AOL Health had the opportunity to speak to Block about her feelings about monogamy, what it's like to share a lover with her husband, the ability to love and make love to two different people and what her 10-year-old daughter thinks of Block's long-term girlfriend Jemma.
AOL Health: Why do you think monogamy isn't for you?
Jenny Block: The simplest, light-hearted answer is what my father always says, which is that I'm a lot. I'm just a lot. I have a number of different jobs, I have lots of different hobbies, I always have a lot of different friends that are all very different. So in some ways it would be really, kind of crazy for me to just pick one person. I tried. I figured everybody else does it. How special am I? Am I such a rarity that I need more than one person? But [now] I don't think I'm a rarity. I think I'm just about as typical as it gets in the needing more than one person part. It's the honesty part that I think makes [my husband and me] unusual.
AOL Health: What do you think the rest of us are being dishonest about?
Block: If we think about the way our society works, it's very couples-oriented. It's very marriage-oriented. It feels like a falsehood that we're hanging onto, because in reality, people have other partners. In reality, [many] marriages end in divorce. It's a massive fairy tale that we're all clinging too.
AOL Health: So why didn't you just decide to stay single?
Block: I didn't know any of this stuff. I was as, (I hate to use this word) as brainwashed as everybody else. I was told that there was one way to do things: You meet this nice person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I'm not so crazy as to think that I would somehow live a different way. That was just what you did, so that was what I did.
AOL Health: After a couple years of marriage, what about sex with your husband wasn't satisfying anymore?
Block: He and I have mismatched libidos. That's the only way I've come to describe it. I had a moment [where I thought], "I guess we don't belong together." I'd heard of people getting divorced because of sex and I thought, "What a bummer." We're great partners and great parents and we're great at it when we do it, we just want different quantities of [sex] or different varieties of it. Is that really a reason that people should throw the entire life away?
AOL Health: You had several monogamous relationships before your marriage turned into an eventual open relationship. Can you explain how you progressed toward this?
Block: It was so messy. I ended up having an affair with another woman three years into our marriage and she ended up telling her husband and he called me on the phone and said I had to tell my husband or he would. So I told [my husband]. He said, perfectly calmly, "How could you lie to me like that?" What he [was] really upset about was the lying. He didn't say one word about sex. I spent the next few years "behaving myself" because I didn't want him to leave me. I loved him. I wanted to stay together.
Then I finally approached the subject with him. I said, "I've done a bunch of reading and a bunch of research and we're really not that strange. People have open relationships. People opt to have other partners." My very sweet husband said, "Theoretically you could do that, but there are feelings and emotions and realities of life." We went back and forth for probably a year at that point. [We asked ourselves] "Does this really work? Are they these crazy people who are not like us, so it would never work?" We had this do-or-die moment. We invited my friend [Lizbeth] to join us [in a threesome] and it worked and she hung around for about six months and the three of us dated. We all kept looking at each other saying, "Is this weird? Should this be weird? Is it weird that it's not weird?" It's kind of like going to summer camp for me. I used to go to summer camp every year and and everybody got along. This is how life would be if ... people just lived the way they wanted and loved other people, and did what they felt was right and what worked for everybody and was fair and honest and open.
AOL Health: What do you get out of having an open marriage?
Block: More than anything, I get a sense of peace. I don't ever have a sense of, "What if there's something else out there?" It's exciting to be with someone new.
AOL Health: What do you think your husband gets out of it?
Block: He always tells me two things. One, for him it's about the freedom too. He hasn't had a girlfriend since that first one [we had together]. But he likes the idea of going to a basketball game or a bar and buying some girl a drink and hanging out and not feeling like I'm going to walk in and say, "What the hell is going on here?" It's fun to be attracted to other people. It's fun to feel sexy, after having me barking at him about chores. It's nice to have some pretty girls not yelling at him and see him as a person, not as a husband or a father, but as a person. That feels nice, that feels good. It's that and he feels like a success. When he and I were having troubles, he felt like he was a failure. He wondered what was wrong with him that our marriage wasn't deliriously happy? Now he feels like a success. Because I have everything and he has everything and everybody's happy. A happy, healthy marriage, family and household -- that can be a grand measure of success.
Next: Parenting, Safe Sex and Avoiding Jealousy in an Open Marriage
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Recent Comments
kctiger1962 02:40:45 AM Nov 03 2009
I don't think they should tell the 10 year old girl about their open marriage, but I know they would say that's living a lie, but I don't think that the daughter should be exposed to this behavior because it's immoral and if you're a Christian you should know this,but only God can judge, and I'm not judging, but I don't see how this relationship can last. I think that one or the other will find someone else and then want a divorce. But maybe I'm wrong. It just wouldn't work for me because I'd get jealous. I think that Jenny is a repressed Lesbian. I understand her husband going to the bar and talking to a pretty young lady and saying it felt fun to feel attractive Everyone want's to feel attractive, . But he's lusting in his heart and someday he'll want more. What if Jenny wanted to bring a man into the relationship? I'll bet that wouldn't work.
Roadrder 02:42:46 PM Oct 30 2009
I couldn't have said it better myself. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A repost from shadowsources01 I'm sorry but the comment posted here are really pathetic. To everyone posting hateful comments(and that goes for the Christians here as well), why are you even reading about something that you have no interest in? Does it make your life better, to know that you've offended more people today than the next person? Granted, this lifestyle may not reflect your personal choice but Jesus did give us free will to make our won decisions and all of your hate mongering will only turn away anyone that reads your comments, thinking "Why the hell would I ever want to be someone like that?" Although this is not my choice of a lifestyle I do commend the author on explaining her point of view about the subject at hand. I apologize on behalf of the people here that choose to throw out words like hate and hell and profanity that they would
Maycardhew 10:24:34 PM Aug 03 2009
all I can say is they are sick,sick,sick they need counceling bad, they are hiding behind there farce of a marriage so they can have a adultous life style, read your bible and find out what God says about what you are doing, I will pray for you, you are very much misguided, I feel so sorry for your child, what kind of life does she have, get help before you destroy your child.
shadowsources01 04:37:13 PM Aug 03 2009
I'm sorry but the comment posted here are really pathetic. To everyone posting hateful comments(and that goes for the Christians here as well), why are you even reading about something that you have no interest in? Does it make your life better, to know that you've offended more people today than the next person? Granted, this lifestyle may not reflect your personal choice but Jesus did give us free will to make our won decisions and all of your hate mongering will only turn away anyone that reads your comments, thinking "Why the hell would I ever want to be someone like that?" Although this is not my choice of a lifestyle I do commend the author on explaining her point of view about the subject at hand. I apologize on behalf of the people here that choose to throw out words like hate and hell and profanity that they would never say to their God's face. It's easier to make fun of someone that isn't like you than it is to try to listen to their point of view.
Ruth from LI 09:18:10 PM Aug 02 2009
WHAT A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE YOU ARE SETTING FOR YOUR CHILD. NOW SHE WILL HAVE THE CHANCE TO SAY, HEY MY FOLKS DO IT, WHY NOT ME? DON'T EVEN WAIT FOR MARRIAGE. WHY EVEN MARRY? I CAN HAVE SEX ANYTIME, ANYPLACE AND ANYONE. IS LIFE ALL ABOUT SEX? WAIT TILL YOU AGE AND START TO WRINKLE AROUND THE WHOLE PACKAGE, I BET YOU WILL WISH THAT THERE WAS ONLY ONE LOVE THAT CARES ENOUGH TO LOVE YOU AS YOU ARE. I HOPE HE IS STILL THERE WHEN IT HAPPENS.
buddabar888 07:36:49 PM Aug 02 2009
A million aint shit, you material gold digging fool. A miracle would be you finding love a measure of self worth all you christian haters are full of hypocrisy you will die in misery when your self fulfilling prophecy brings you death destruction and wrath stop judging Jesus was not judgmental a true christian would be spreading love your just jealous because your sex life sucks and your a miserable **** because your religion only makes you live in fear and hate the world you live in. Ill be ******* my way to nirvana while you bleed out faithless hater. Were all ****** as long as right wing christian conservatives impose their beliefs on the world and propagate hate, just like the islamic extremists practicing jihad, religion is supposed to make you happy and give your life meaning. Anal *******, your so good ha ha. stop judging and live a little, lighten up. I used to be jealous and insecure, but now im considering my options. as long as your honest and communicate with your partner,
TANGELIQUE21 09:46:57 AM Aug 02 2009
LittleWom you need to divorce your "husband". You are wasting your time with a swinger who is no longer married to you. Marriage is about TWO people being FAITHFUL to EACH OTHER. If your "husband" is calling himself a swinger it is just a different word for "CHEATER" . Your body is your temple - the home of your heart, your mind and most of all YOUR SOUL. You have the right to not get HIV, HEPETITIS B AND C WHICH ARE FATAL, HERPES WHICH CAN'T BE CURED, HPV WHICH CAN GIVE YOU CANCER OF THE CERVIX, PENICILIN RESISTANT STRAINS OF GONOREAH AND SYPH. Love yourself, and your body enough to leave someone who even thinks its ok to cheat on you. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE BODY TO LIVE IN LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LEAVE CHEATERS IN THE GUTTER WITH THE TRASH.
TANGELIQUE21 09:29:24 AM Aug 02 2009
The article asks what does she tell her daughter about open marriage -- she should tell the truth "honey, mommy was a good person who believed marriage is between one man and one woman, but mommy became a bad person. Mommy stood at the alter and promised GOD that she would be FAITHFUL to daddy her husband. BUT mommy LIED and broke her PROMISE to GOD. Mommy is a sinner because GOD said do not commit ADULTERY - have sex with someone you are NOT MARRIED to. If mommy does not REPENT AND SIN NO MORE Jesus will NOT FORGIVE her, because he said REPENT AND SIN NO MORE. So if mommy dies without REPENT for her SINS, she will go to HELL. She needs to tell her daughter the truth, REPENT, and stop committing ADULTERY. Because mommies and daddies who act like immoral perverts will be punished for ADULTERY and for LEADING A CHILD ABOUT SIN BY TEACHING HER IMMORALITY.
Snoppy1186846871 08:52:35 PM Aug 01 2009
LittleWom, bless you, at least there are some good women left, and you are one of them! I commend you!
LittleWom 08:29:32 PM Aug 01 2009
i can speak from experience on this topic. my husband calls himself a swinger. an open marriage is a horrible way of life. my husband tells me how selfish i am because i wont let him have sex with another woman. if he wants another woman he can have one but he wont have me.
