Surviving the Financial Crunch
Surviving The Financial Crunch
By Ashley Neglia
It's hard enough to keep a marriage together these days, but when you factor in the current financial crisis the task seems even more daunting. AOL Money Coach and author Jean Chatzky, and Dr. Robert Puff, psychologist and author of "Living a Peaceful Life," offer advice on how to prevent your marriage from suffering under the country's current economic climate.
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How Much Should You Save, Now?
"What I hate is this all-or-nothing approach that so many financial advisors take: 'You must save 10 percent [of your salary],'" says Chatzky. "If you can't save 10 percent, then save 5 percent, but save something." Chatzky places the emphasis not on how much you actually save but on getting into the habit of saving.
"There will be times in your life where you have the college bills, the healthcare bills. The first year of owning a house is expensive, so that's not the time to take a big vacation," she says. But, she adds, there are not-so-lean times, too, and those are the years to really up your savings. "If you've downshifted on the savings for the past couple of years to accomplish other goals, when you're flush is the time to put saving money into high gear."
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What If You Lose Your Job?
Job loss can put a tremendous strain on any relationship. If you've just been let go, spend the same amount of time looking for a job that you would if you actually had a job, suggests Puff. "Sitting home all day and doing nothing while your partner is working is only going to cause conflict," he says. You don't have to put in a full 40 hours, but you should be doing research, working on your resume and doing everything in your power to secure a job while your spouse is paying the bills.
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Be Aware
Money and sex are the heartbeat of a marriage, says Puff. "The first questions I ask my patients are, 'How are you doing sexually?' and 'How are you doing with money?'" The majority of people are under additional stress due to the financial crisis, and this causes them to be much more sensitive. "If your husband comes home and is a little bit grumpy, instead of going off the handle, try talking to him," says Puff. "After all, he may have just lost his job."
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Financial Opposites Attract
"Spenders marry savers," says Chatzky. "We marry our financial opposites because we look to fix problems within ourselves by finding a mate who has some of those qualities we like." If you and your partner have separate financial habits, it's important to communicate openly about them. "Never take your anger out on another person," says Puff. "And never take it out on yourself." If you're having an argument about money and it's becoming ugly and nonproductive, leave the room. "Let your partner know you're coming back, but walk away," he says.
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Yours, Mine and Ours
"You need to give each other financial space or autonomy," says Chatzky. "Just like we marry our opposites, people are under a huge misconception that just because you love and marry someone, you're going to have all the same goals and dreams." Just because you want to save up for a Porsche doesn't mean your spouse shares those sportscar-speckled dreams. That's why you and your partner need to have enough money to feed the parts of you that are individuals. "I'm a really big fan of 'yours, mine and ours' accounts for running a household," says Chatzky. "The 'ours' account is for romance -- it needs to include savings -- but it's where we dream and we do the things that we're going to do together." But you also need your own money to do the things that may be more important to you than to your partner.
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Keep Romance Alive
Sure, it's nice to go out for a dinner and a movie with your spouse, but if you're trying to get a handle on your spending, it might be a good time to get more creative with your romantic expenditures. After all, you don't need to spend money to connect on an intimate level, it can be as easy as setting aside an hour or two to go through old photo albums. Take advantage of the good weather and put together a romantic picnic or go for a hike or walk. Spend an intimate evening at home. Light some candles and rent a movie or unearth that dusty game of backgammon you used to play back when you both had time. During the week, save money by packing lunch for each other and hide a surprise love note to add a personal touch.
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Track Your Spending
"The whole 'pay yourself first' thing is a little tired, but it works," says Chatzky. "If you save first, then you do it automatically, and then you'll be forced to be a little more creative about making the rest of your money stretch." After you get past that hurdle, Chatzky suggests tracking your spending for a month, down to the dollar. People don't always realize how much the little things -- taking a taxi, going to the dry cleaner -- add up. But when you realize your morning latte is costing you nearly $100 a month, you'll be more inclined to make economical changes.
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Be Active
If you need to have an intense conversation about your finances with your partner, go for a walk. "You'll be releasing that energy and getting out of a negative environment," says Puff. As an added benefit, going for walks or working out together can not only help you and your spouse to communicate, it can also act as a stress-reliever.
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Starting Out
"A lot of people who I talk to put their wedding on a credit card," says Chatzky. "I can't tell you of one who said, 'I'm so glad I did that.'" Chatzky admits that a wedding is a really, really special day. "But it's one day," she adds. There are always ways to cut corners. If you're planning a dinner, have a lunch instead. Or have the most elegant dessert reception anyone's ever had, suggests Chatzky. "If people are really your friends, they aren't going to come away complaining about the lack of food," she says. "They're going to be commenting on how decadent the food is. Hors d'oeuvres and dessert really go a long way."
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Recent Comments
Katgrl43 04:21:42 PM Oct 05 2009
"GSFU"Women are notorious spenders??Yeah, okay. Tell that too Bernie Madoff.
GlennChaika 03:41:11 PM Oct 18 2008
I TOTALLY agree with the (guy) (Paitruestories) who wrote this one. It has been ALWAYS like this. "No money No honey" mentality with women. Sad. One solution,,,,,,don't get married.
johnhodgson1111 05:06:54 AM Oct 16 2008
the number one failure of a marriage is picking the wrong person to be with period. Mose people get married without real adversity first. That lack of adversity training is not done first. its all how good things are, therefore its always going to be that way. But as far as money goes; people really have no idea how much advertisement is used to program people into spending money. Frankly there is no teaching of how to avoid subtle tactics used. Spending and Programming to spend is done all the time. the first major trick is the create 'fear' into you, and sell you the 'solution' that is a time honored method of selling something that you don't really need
GSFU 03:19:32 AM Oct 16 2008
The number one cause of marriage ending is due to financial reasons. And it's kinda stupid, because divorce is very expensive. Since this "article" was obviously written by a woman, here's a man's perspective. If your spouse is an addicted consumer then take away their credit cards. Men do this too, but women are notorious for spending money. In hard economic times, you should only be paying for the bare minimum, and saving whatever else you can. Drop your expenses to zero if possible. And keep sexually active. That doesn't mean once a month. Men need sex. If you're not willing to make your man happy, then fully expect him to find it elsewhere, be it porn or another lady.
PaiTrueStories 01:22:58 AM Oct 16 2008
We've all heard the old addage: "No Finance, No Romance". I believe this catch phrase to be entirely true. Here's the rub: If the wife were to loose her job, for whatever reason, men are typically OK with "downsizing" their lifestyle to weather the economic impact of the job loss. This is even more true when the wife is very attractive. Now, if this dynamic were reversed, the wife would probably be OK with hubby looking for work, for about 3 months, regardless of how attractive he may be. You see people, in most young, modern relationships, men have been "paying" for sex in some one or another, since the day he first developed an interest in his future bride. Dinners, men foot the bill. Entertainment, men foot the bill. It goes on and on, up to and including the wedding. I like the tradition of the Indian culture, where the wifes family is responsible for all wedding expenses, cause hubby will be paying for everything else, "till death do us part". This is the expectation i
MntBrM 11:43:04 PM Oct 15 2008
A lot of marriages are destined to fail before the reception is over. Too many of todays available young men are moody, arrogant, self indulgeing, immature,users of people. Unfortunately these are the ones that seem to captivate the available young ladies (and sometimes some that are not) The leader of the rock band that has been struggeling for 8 years and going nowhere. The artist that couldn't paint a house if it was by number. The guy that has an ordinary job, but rides a Harley, and is known as the "rebel" The ladies are taken by the moody dark, dark sided dude that has an air of danger and being mysterious. Usually, if a young woman finds a young man with a good income, and an appreciation for finer things, and a life plan, he is called BORING! No challenge. 30 years later; "he would have been the catch of the day" An awful lot of marital problems that cause divorce would go away if there was enough money to throw at them to make it happen. Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it
