Amazon Stock Falls In E-Book Dispute
"Macmillan's loss. I would have bought Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned for $9.99, but at $12.99, I'm going with NCIS and, for commercial breaks, an old copy of People."
Monday's article on the Fourth Avenue rapist contained a number of hasty presumptions. The assailant could have been wearing any kind of dark shoes, not necessarily chocolate-colored Converse high-tops, and even if he was, anybody can order those online. The so-called "writer's callus" on his right middle figure might actually be something that Mexican guys get from firing guns a lot. Lastly, Police Chief Harris' advice to victims to fight back and injure the rapist's groin would probably just make him madder. Don't make it worse by trying to be Wonder Woman.
Dear The Onion,
I've been seeing this girl for about six months and the relationship seems too good to be true. Should I stab my girlfriend just to reassure myself and give both of us a little wake-up call about how life can be? Sincerely,
Jared Price, Frederick, MD
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