ROANOKE, VA—The Stashwick family of Roanoke was "alarmed and saddened" to see a beloved-but-aging TV program suffer yet another terrible episode Tuesday night. "It's devastating to watch it...
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"But high-proof vodkas are often essential for freshmen whose gulping muscles aren't fully developed."
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SAN FRANCISCO—An unfunny private joke dating back to when they were roommates five years ago is reportedly the last remaining thread still connecting friends Jennifer Kerns and Kerri...
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TUALATIN, OR—Former project manager Bill Jacobson, 62, confirmed Monday that he still has in his possession an intricate system of immaculately maintained file folders with the name of his...
…more »OSHKOSH, WI—Insisting she recently received a ticket on Jackson Street, Brenda McCormick, 57, issued a stern warning to her son Justin Monday, urging the 25-year-old to slow down the car,...
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ATHENS, GA—Wishing to avoid the annoyance of wearing his backpack during a rock and roll show at the 40 Watt Club Friday, concertgoer Nick Hurley ingeniously placed the bag in the corner,...
…more »MINNEAPOLIS—Joseph Collins, 38, who is perhaps the luckiest man alive and who certainly doesn't deserve the wonderful woman who showed him what it was like to be happy, was chastised by the...
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WASHINGTON—In a statement posted this morning on several Islamist websites, the global terrorist network al-Qaeda claimed responsibility for last Thursday's devastating personal attack on...
…more »EAST LANSING, MI—Gold Mine Bar & Grill sources report that, just as you got change back from the two pitchers you ordered, some guy walked up to the jukebox and methodically slid in two...
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The perfect retreat for when your spouse is taking two weeks off at home and doesn't realize you lost your job. Daily specials, dark back booths.
Art museum docent Lynn Celek waited until after the fourth-graders' tour to laugh out loud at their callow, unsophisticated questions.
Justin Dressler, 38, and Michelle Powell, 32, were married this weekend. The couple met during a costume party at which they tied for first place. They were both dressed as pirates desperate not to die alone.
Supervillain Dr. Megawatt was killed in a battle with the Forces of Good Saturday. Though his death was witnessed from afar and was partially obscured, it's perfectly reasonable to assume he has been vanquished once and for all and will never return to terrorize our city.
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