Friday, February 2th 1996, 1:95AM

A New Jersey man claims his wife was having a virtual affair with a cybersex partner called The Weasel and now he wants his marriage deleted.

John Goydan claims in a first-of-its-kind divorce filing that he was computer-cuckolded by his wife, Diane who bragged in an E-mail message that she was a "master of deception."

The Bridgewater man says his spouse exchanged dozens of computer messages some of them sexually explicit with a man identified in the papers only as Ray, a married man from North Carolina who appears to be connected with Fort Bragg.

But while the online lovers allegedly exchanged erotic fantasies and "proxy kisses," they never actually met face to face. "We haven't laid a finger on each other," Diane stated in a Jan. 16 E-mail message. "But I guess it'll be a different story in a couple of weeks."

John Goydan, whom neighbors said works in the computer field, claimed in papers filed Jan. 23 in Somerset County Court that they planned to consummate their computer courtship tonight at a New Hampshire hideaway.

The phenomenal recent growth of the Internet has been fueled by millions of users most using online aliases experimenting with a new way to meet people. Flirting is rampant and many people engage in lengthy "affairs" with people they have never met either via E-mail messages or explicit real-time computer chat. Goydan's court filing includes dozens of spicy exchanges between Diane and her alleged cyber-Romeo, including a poem he allegedly messaged her on Christmas Eve that begins:

"Twas the day before Christmas and all did seem right,

The Weasel and Diane were planning their night."

In an E-mail message Nov. 4, Diane allegedly told Ray she wants to be with him "tonight so we could do this rumble/rumble quietly and at length in bed in flannel nightshirts [no pants]."

And when Ray suggested they rendezvous last weekend, Diane replied she couldn't make it because it was her daughter's First Confession and, "it would look suspicious if I was not part of it."

This came after Diane described by a neighbor as "a heavyset but attractive brunette" admitted in an E-mail message Jan. 16 that she's fooled around before, the papers state. Diane Goydan could not be reached for comment.

John Goydan's attorney, Richard Hurley, said Diane met her compu-lover on America Online and apparently believed wrongly that their E-mail messages could not be retrieved.

Now Goydan is using that as ammunition as he seeks custody of their kids, ages 3 and 7.

"The first count alleges extreme cruelty based upon the transmissions," said Hurley. "The second count is alleging adultery." Hurley said that while the lovers didn't have "actual intercourse, I'm not sure where technology is taking us these days."

But famed divorce lawyer Raoul Felder said "there's no way" Goydan's adultery claim will pass legal muster.

"To have adultery you have to have intercourse and you can't have intercourse over the computer," Felder said.

The divorce suit states Goydan began saving his wife's E-mail every day after surprising her when he came home from work early Oct. 26 as she was printing something from the computer. The affair reportedly started in August. "She angrily inquired what he was doing home so early. She ripped a half page from the printer and hastily shut the computer off," divorce papers state.

When Goydan later turned on the computer, it told him there was something waiting to be printed, and he discovered a message to his wife from The Weasel.

Hurley said Diane promised her husband she'd log off the love affair, but E-mail evidence suggests the two continued planning a rendezvous and even enlisted the help of Diane's best friend, a New Hampshire woman named Maureen, and a neighbor named Beate.

In a Nov. 23 message, The Weasel wrote: "I gotta tell you that I am one happy guy now and so much at peace again anticipating us. I love you dearly. XXOOXX."

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