SEX I GRAD VII

We were ready to let loose, we’d stuffed all the girls and our glitter into one car and had one last friend to visit.

Sanja. The party was just never as big without her, though recently she had developed a bad habit, after finding a new boyfriend, she nonchalantly started ditching the girls at the last second.

I am sure every girl has known at least one friend like this, she is usually beautiful, vivacious and seems totally put together, sometimes a man-eater, driving the boys wild, always the first person to hit the dance floor or accept a drink from a guy and turn it into a body shot.

She can out-drink almost anyone and likes to get caught kissing a stranger at the end of a long night of festivities. She is the girl you call when you get dumped and need a good time without men. But like every wonder woman, she has her weakness, and this type crumples at the first sight of her own personal kryptonite, a substance otherwise known as ‘potential boyfriend material.’

Three months go by, and we stop calling her out. She looked so blissfully ‘in lust’ that we let her keep thinking she doesn’t need us anymore. She has what she wants: her prize is tall, dark and handsome, smokes cigars, is dressed to the nines, drives a nice car, speaks Spanish and has traveled to places she can only imagine. They spend all their time together. Days and nights of hearing the play-by-play of their intense affair simply tire us out, but we smile through the climatic “he’s the one!” We hold our breath, despite the trend in Belgrade for fairytales to remain just that.

And it was out at a fancy dinner one night while she was showing off her Beau, that we, Cinderella’s bridesmaids, could no longer help noticing that Prince Charming was more interested in trying on the glass slipper than we were. We didn’t have to wait long after that to confirm suspicions.

The honeymoon period came crashing down after the couples’ first vacation. First, her suitcase was twice as small as his. She noticed he sat down to pee, that even on vacation he needed a touch up at the solarium, they even had an argument over her using his Vichy face cream. His Louis Vuitton bag was a fake, he drove his father’s SUV and his salary was half as much as hers. To top it off, she discovered that to stay fit and get ready for the summer he had started to take steroids. What drove her off the edge: He spent 30 minutes longer in the bathroom than she did.

I’m starting to suspect that the girls are not the only ones in this town feeling the pressure to ‘look beautiful’. Ask any cosmetic surgeon, plastic surgery for men in Serbia is on the rise. Metrosexually speaking, Sanja has learned her lesson, and now only shares her super-hero tights with her girlfriends.