Top Ten Worst Covers
Page: 1 2 3 4
4. IronSword (NES)
Anything Fabio is involved in becomes automatically bad.
You wouldn’t know it from the cover, but IronSword is actually a sequel to Wizards & Warriors. But thanks to the presence of Fabio on the cover, gamers got confused and thought they had accidentally picked up one of their mom’s romance novels. Speaking of romance, here’s an excerpt from my upcoming piece of Street Fighter II erotic fan fiction entitled, The World Worrier:
Ryu walked over to Chun Li after he beat her in the street fight. "I am sorry I punched you in the face lady during the street fight battle," Ryu said, his face oozing like a warm washcloth. "I really like your dress."
Chun Li blushed at the compliment. "I do declare, Ryu," she exclaimed. "You sure know how to treat a female girl."
"Let me clean up your sweat," Ryu said. "I bet you are glad this game does not have fatality moves!"
They both laughed at the humorous Mortal Kombat reference.
"OK," said Ryu, nervously. "Hey I like you even though we have to fight in this tournament for some reason so what do you say to a kiss."
"I say I like you as well," Chun Li replied. "So my answer is sure why not."
"OK," said Ryu, leaning in for a kiss.
Then Chun Li used that move where she like kicks you in the face like a hundred times. She used the move on Ryu so he’s the one that got kicked.
"Oh wait I am playing hard to get," Chun Li said.
"OK," Ryu replied.
Ryu had broken his cheekbones and needed to go to the hospital but Chun Li would visit him every day until they got married and had a baby that showed up in Street Fighter 5 Super Alpha versus SNK. The baby was named Cheekbone as an inside joke.
Not all fan fiction is this well-written, but what can I say, I have a gift!
3. Make My Video – INXS (Sega CD)
Proof that the music industry is better off today than it was ten years ago.
The Make My Video - Music Video Game series for the Sega CD is a trilogy of terror. Basically, you were given a couple of music videos from various "artists" and you could mix and match video clips to your heart’s content, thus creating "new" and exciting music videos which unfortunately still contained the same crappy song. This idea may have worked had Sega been able to sign some actual musicians, but all they could come up with was INXS, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, and ... oh god ... Kris Kross, the guys who briefly made wearing your clothing backwards trendy and hip.
I remember seeing stacks of Make My Video games marked down to .99 cents before the Sega CD was even officially discontinued. I think I thought about buying one of them, but I ended up buying a stale Milky Way bar for $1 instead. I have no regrets.
2. Most Sega Master System Games
I bet if Sega had paid the artist an extra $5, he would have drawn the rest of the leg.
Is this a headless guy holding another guy in a headlock, or is it just one guy with a stretchy neck choking himself? Hmm...
Sega’s Master System tanked in the U.S. for a variety of reasons. For one thing, most of the games weren’t very good and the packaging only helped to make them even more unappealing. Most boxes resemble the inside of 70’s-era kitchen cupboard, with white and gray checkered backgrounds suitable for drawing bar graphs on.
Just look at this empty and boring Black Belt cover. If you buy this game, you’ll apparently get to play as 1/4th of a cartoon leg and kick explosions in mid-air. Exciting! You’d think they’d throw in a bad guy reacting to getting hit, a space alien recoiling in terror, or at least some ditzy broad with a torn shirt making goo-goo eyes at the dude’s foot. But no. Later SMS game covers tried to fill up more space by adding exciting slogans like “ACTION” or “WITH PASSWORD SAVE!” For some reason, this didn’t help boost sales.
Same deal with this Pro Wrestling cover. This game is apparently about a guy who tears off his own head so he can squeeze it firmly into his armpit. Great.
Next: And the loser is... »
Page: 1 2 3 4
|
