Soup's On: Tyra Sans Make Up...Enjoy Your Lunch!
Make sure your boss is far away from your cubicle, then hunker down for a thick and meaty serving of Chat Stew. See Anderson Cooper become strangely uncomfortable when quibbling over Right Said Fred and Frankie Goes to Hollywood with Erica Hill. Marvel at the secret of Suzanne Somers' four-decade-long marriage. Bear witness—if you dare—to the startling visage of Tyra minus the mask of makeup. Then watch The Soup tonight for even more compelling information at 10/9c.
You Sent It, You Watch It: Snuggie
We here at the Soup Blog fervently believe (and we're sure you'll agree) that blankets are just too old fashioned for the cold person of today. Back in olden times, people didn't use their arms very much, and thus were fine with the binding, claustrophobic nature of blankets. Needless to say, those days are gone. The man, woman and child of today demands unlimited mobility when it comes to arms, combined with maximum warmth.
Which brings us to Snuggie, "the blanket that has sleeves!" Talk on the cell phone, work the remote control, do homework (as you see these examples play out in the video, dig the peace poster in the dorm), all wrapped lovingly in your Snuggie. It also helps if you're a monk, or into a kind of neo-Biblical look. Thanks to Soup fiend Abee for this one.
Breaking News
Jackson S&M; Act Flogs Alba Voter Awareness Effort Into Submission
Jessica Alba’s controversial, bondage-themed ad campaign designed to encourage America’s youth to vote—featuring a photo of the naked actress bound and with black tape covering her mouth—has raised eyebrows. It has also sparked an act of one-upmanship on a grand scale from Janet Jackson. The singer debuted her own S&M-based campaign to raise political awareness among the country’s younger set: a traveling stage show featuring Jackson and her backup troupe outfitted in extreme fetish gear, whipping a submissive man who is pilloried before a live audience.
“It’s a brilliant display of patriotism,” stated one political insider of Jackson’s torrid, grassroots crusade. “As Alba has shown, young people directly equate political awareness with a beautiful woman bound and gagged, pleading for her life with only her moist, begging eyes. But Janet’s politically savvy offering of intense, live bondage complete with restraints, flogging and ritual shaming makes Alba’s poster look like an ad for purity rings. If this doesn’t get kids excited about the political system, I don’t know what will. I guess we’ll have to start bussing them down to Tijuana for donkey shows.”
Jackson is scheduled to tour the nation with her sexed-up, get-out-and-vote message and will be appearing at numerous high schools, county fairs and church suppers.
Casting Call: Can You Keep Ray J From Having Sex With Other Women?
Denise Truscello/WireImage.com
In our ongoing effort to give back to the shows that are our lifeblood, the Soup Blog is giving a heads-up to those of you who want to make appearing on a still-in-the-works reality show a reality.
We all love Brandy’s little brother Ray J, multihyphenate actor, song writer, producer, rapper, singer (yes, there is a distinction); we are especially fond of his memorable turn having all manner of intercourse with Kim Kardashian on the sex tape that put Kimmy on the map, celeb-wise.
Now, the talent bloodhounds at VH1 are searching for “single, beautiful women who think they can turn Ray J, one of today’s hottest chart-topping hip-hop artists and notorious playboys, into a one-woman man.” There’s no name yet, but according to the ad, it’s currently called “Celebrity” Dating Show. (Note the use of quotes).
But hang on, beautiful women. Though you may think you have the goods to harness wild Ray J, but be forewarned: “Dating a hip-hop artist can be a full-time job requiring not only looks but infinite amounts of smarts and stamina.” So start reading the encyclopedia, pack plenty of Red Bulls, and let the taming begin.
Alba Ad Confuses Teen
Mark Liddell for Declare Yourself
Politically aware star Jennifer Alba’s striking new visual ad campaign for the voter group Declare Yourself is drawing a great deal of attention not only from the media, but from America’s youth, Alba’s main target. “I think it is important for young people to be aware of the need we have in this country to get them more active politically,” she stated. “People respond to things that are shocking.”
Yet the message is apparently unclear to some. After an initial viewing of the bondage-themed image, Danny Fosdyke, 18-year-old Youngstown, Ohio, resident, offered this statement to reporters: “Awesome! Is this for like, Hostel III? It’ll be cool to see Jennifer Alba get tortured!”
When it was explained that the poster was designed to encourage young people to register to vote, Steck appeared puzzled. “Vote for what? Best movie where a hot chick gets tortured?”
Condensed Soup: McHale + Nick Jonas = Purity Catheter?
Once again, even in the junior version of the great-big, full-grown Soup show, laughs reign supreme, starting with Dr. 90210 's plastic surgeon Dr. Rey, who reveals exactly how repeatedly kneeing a plastic dummy in the labonza keeps him looking beautiful. Then off to the hard-core political arena of the Republican National Convention and its magical abundance of kooky balloons! A quick taste of Cops shows the nabbing a woman who befuddles law enforcement with her passion for alleged domestic abuse and liquored-up tree climbing and, if that's not enough, find out exactly what Joel has in common with Nick Jonas and a purity catheter. And don't miss The Soup this Friday night at 10/9c!
Lou Unleashed: Dishin' on the Bitches, Vol. 2
George Pimentel/Getty Images; INFdaily.com
If you know Lou at all, you know he gets around. When it comes to Hollywood, there isn't a hydrant he hasn’t sniffed, an after-hours kennel he can’t get into or a well-heeled celebrity leg he hasn’t humped.
Once again, we caught up with McHale’s best friend, and this time while Lou was hanging out at Los Angeles International Airport, where he likes to sit in the Admiral’s Lounge lapping white russians from his sandalwood bowl, watching the lady dogs de-plane. Or as he likes to call them, “fresh caged meat.” Now more of Lou’s frank takes on the canines of Tinsel Town.
Hillary Duff’s Lola: I’ll tell you one thing about that bitch, she’s into toys. Big time. I can handle that, of course. I mean, I’ve been into rope play for years, but Lola, well, she’s young, she’s a kid, gotta have the latest thing, all into the now and wow action. She was always trying to turn me on to Nylabones and the whole plush-toy scene. Just not my bag. But don’t get me wrong, she’s a sweetie. Serious haunches on that minx. You better freakin’ believe it.
Clip of the Day: America's Got Talent
According to the name of the show, America allegedly does have talent. Of course, the Zooper Heroes may bring that into question, but one thing is certain: Britian has talent, of which Sharon Osbourne is the perfect ambassador. In fact, Mrs. Ozzy puts the ass in ambassador and is darn proud to admit it. See the above for verification.
Hey Meester! Gossip Girl Gets Groovy
As you may have already heard, Gossip Girl 's Leighton Meester has recorded her very own album. Sure, it's an easy target that plenty of other websites have already taken potshots at: Yet another pretentious Hollywood star attempts to step into the musical world with an unlistenable, misguided, ego-driven recording project. But the Soup Blog isn't jumping on that bandwagon. We say honor a rising talent who has the guts and passion to create compelling sounds for us all to enjoy.
Only kidding. While Meester may offer up a swell album of what she calls "a good mixture of hip-hop-sounding, very vibe-y music"—whatever that is—chances are it'll be neck and neck with Scarlett Johansson's recent Tom Waits bastardization homage. For a sample of Meester's generic, grating vocals and fake guitar playing, check out this clip from something called Drive Thru.
Football in the Family: Hasselhoff and Daughter Declare Virginity
It's been a while since we checked in with our good friend David Hasselhoff, and what better occasion than a sneak peek into what it's like to be in a small car with daughter Taylor Ann Hasselhoff, her friends and the loud, videotaping, self-promoting man that is daddy Hoff. This from a recent Hoff visit to a University of Arizona football game (where Taylor Ann is a freshman). So relax, enjoy, and then be thankful that the grating, mortifying Hoff isn't your father.
Clip of the Day: Another Serving of Spaghetti Cat
It took a spaghetti-eating cat to put The Morning Show With Mike and Juliet on the map, and it looks like M and J are going to milk the viral phenomenon as long as they can. Here we see a full examination of the Spaghetti Cat mystery, an in-depth analysis of who and what he is, confronting key issues: Is there an imposter? Is it a puppet? How has spinmeister McHale manipulated the press? We could go on, but it's easier to just watch the thing.
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