[-]Disability Question: i work at a nonprofit and we have Standard disability. I am hearing from our somewhat shady "HR" person that typical disabiloity after having a child is 6 wks, or for a C-section, 9 weeks. Is this right? Can't my Dr put a different range of dates if I take longer to recover (no maternity leave, freaking out about how we will pay the mortgage) Advice please?
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Night Mist. Calming light blue/green that goes smashingly with Distant Gray (the purest white in BMoore's line) as trim.
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Lenox Tan (a true tan; warm), Oklahoma Wheat (buttercream), Grecian Green (a pale, spa-like grey-green), Covington Blue (strange blue-green color, same as Dunn Edwards "Treetop." In their new Aura Affinity line, I'm using Agave in our study and might use Firenze in the kitchen.
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[-]dh and i are thinking of moving with 18 mo ds to seattle from nyc in about a year and a half. i am just fed up with the stress here and the 'just getting by.' we recently visited seattle and fell in love. anyone know anyone else who did similar. and big cross country move?
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I moved when I was single, but there is an influx of young families moving in from other states right now. Good Luck with the move, the pace is much different here!
[ Reply | Options ]Yuck! Seattle has nothing going for it. It's only sunny 52 days out of the year. Not on par with NYC academically, culturally or socially. Lived there for 3 years, glad I came back to NYC. Good luck!
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np: I disagree. I love Seattle- the Seattle art museum is great, there are a lot of artists, musicians & writers that live there, 2 hrs from Vancouver or SF, beautiful 1920s bungalows, desert or amazing nature nearby. One would move there to do something different from NYC, not to replicate it.
[ Reply | Options ]exactly. As if NYC is the standard of excellence. Not everyone wants that pace, thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]And, after awhile, one can become potbound in NYC. It isn't sustainable financially for many and there are people that prefer to live in balance with a natural setting- can't have a garden in the city. Plus, there are better places to raise kids than the relentless grind of the city...
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Just to nit-pick: it is more like 2 hours to Vancouver, BC or Portland, OR. Going to SF will take at least 8-10 hours.
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we are thinking of doing this-but for Santa Barbara (dh has a job offer there now). not sure if we will go through this-it is more quality of life. things aren't so stressful in ny for us (kids settled in schools, apt paid off, etc), but dc's would have own rooms in home/yard/way more access to outdoor activities and sports than they do now. not sure if it is worth it though-a lot of car/schlepping around, etc
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The weather would get to me. But if you don't think it would then I'd go for it. There are probably pockets there that are hyper competitive and crazy. But what I'm reading on her about NYC freaks me out and makes me glad we don't live there--it seems like Seattle would be preferable.
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You can get ahead in Seattle vs. NYC because Seattle has a much lower standard of living. But this assumes that household income is the same. It is a kid friendly city. If anything, pollution is less and people are more laid back. Check out Seattlemag.com for a peek at Seattle happenings.
[ Reply | Options ]wow! all these people moving from NYC! i recently made the move here from NYC at the end of this past April. i always have a hole in my heart for NYC, but i love Seattle (so far at least - i've yet to experience the winter!) the summer has been BEAUTIFUL and perfect - no humidity, super hot weather, generally a slight breeze, fresh air, etc. the food is less than to be desired for delivery! i miss being able to call up ANYONE and get ANY kind of food delivered to my door. i think overall, it's worth it to be here in seattle. you definitely get more for your money and i'm giving my daughter what i had - a backyard to slip-n-slide in, fresh air, sidewalks to teach her to ride her bike (when she gets old enough). we can always visit N...
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[-]Have 3 mo ds, thinking about sleep training but not sure which method to use. He usually goes down at 7pm, wakes at 10:30, 1:30, 3:30 and 5:00am. I am really needing more sleep since I go back to work in less than 20 days. Any suggestions?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Seriously??? Your baby is an infant still and wakes frequently because he needs to eat. Welcome to motherhood -- sleep deprivation and all. "Sleep Training" at his age is neglectful.
[ Reply | Options ]np: at age 3 mos and about 3 weeks baby started sleeping long stretches, I agree get the hubby to help!! It is a must. Definitely too early for sleep training. Make sure db never goes morethan 3 hours really during the day between feedings, even if it means waking your ds up. Good luck it does ge tbetter. My dd is 5.5 months and sleeps 12 hours a night!! Never thought it would happen!
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[-]Moving to Seattle area from NYC with 4 y.o. and 2 y.o. - any tips? I'm trying to get excited, but am already missing NYC ... how is Kirkland? Trying to find someplace on east-side that's not too cruelly suburban. THANKS.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Bellevue has a really good school district, if not the best in the area. Second is Lake Washington where Kirkland is located. I would suggest Bellevue, stick close to the high-end Bellevue Square Mall, lots of high rise condos, financial buildings etc. There is a great kids park within walking distance. Main Street one block down has great eateries and boutiques for shopping. It is adjacent to Medina, a gated community where Bill Gates reside. Very close to both bridges to Seattle. There is a variety of ethnic restaurants nearby as well.
[ Reply | Options ]But on the other hand, I do like the walking neighborhoods of Seattle such as Wallingford (John Stanford International School), Queen Anne, Greenlake (great park), West Seattle (California Ave.), Capitol Hill (15th Ave.) for more diversity. Grew up in NYC and now have 2 kids (5yo & 3yo). These neighborhoods have many walking destinations and you may be able to find a Craftsman home to boot!
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[-]DB due in October. I will retunr to work after 2-3 months. I want to start stockpiling milk in the freezer ASAP so I feel more calm about having it there. What size containers do I need to freeze pumped milk in and how much will db need while at daycare? Can I freeze glass jars and then send a day's supply to daycare plus a bottle to put it in? I'm baffled by the concept and bf'ing sources never quite go into much detail about pumping.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Use the pump and save bags. You only want to defrost what you will need for one day at a time, so bigger containers may lead to waste. Daycare will not prepare anything for you. Everything must be in the bottles ready to warm and labelled with contents and date. I pumped daily at work and usually used that milk for the next day's bottles. In the beginning I would have one or 2 extra bags that I would freeze. It's alot to try to figure out if you're not in the middle of it. Just relax and wait for your db to arrive (congrats!) and it will all come together. If I have learned one thing from motherhood, it is to only look as far ahead as you can truely handle. If you look too far, things seem impossible. If you only look at tomorrow,...
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[-]Any former New Yorkers out there? Thinking of moving from Brooklyn--> the NW, but nervous.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Currently live in Brooklyn, moved here from Seattle 8 years ago expecting to be here one year. 8 years, a dog and a baby later, I would personally sever my right arm to move back to Seattle or Portland.
[ Reply | Options ]i just moved out to seattle at the end of april. used to live in manhattan and astoria. so far, i love the pacific NW. i do miss new york a lot, and it was the hardest thing leaving there, but it's been fantastic- especially for my DD. she just turned 1. it was worth to make the move to give her more room, nature, super friendly people, environmentally conscious surrounding,etc. i was nervous too... go for it.
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[-]daydreaming about moving from nyc to portland, and wondering how the schools are. would love to find a progressive school for dc (public or private). any ideas for specific schools i could look into?
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[-]My mom keeps asking me when she should come visit (she is in another state) after db is born. I said come up whenever, right after or can wait. I have no idea how I will feel or what. She says we might want "special bonding time" with me, dh and baby, right after birth, but I think I might just as soon be freaking out wanting help (and mommy's advice!). I told her ok right after to come up, that dh parents coming up too- she said "oh, not sure thats a good idea"- well, sorry, his mom already took the time off work, I'm not telling her not to come. What is her deal- does she want reassurance that I want her to visit me? Does she think the house will be too full? I want to think it through before calling her tonight, I think it might get touc...
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Will your ILs and your mother be helpful? Meaning will they do stuff like clean, grocery shop and make dinner while you rest and take care of DB? Or will they expect to be cared for and entertained? If the former, by all means invite them as soon after you give birth as they can come and have them stay as long as they can! (My mom stayed for 2 weeks and I cried like a baby myself when she left.) If the later, better to hold off for a while.
[ Reply | Options ]^^^And I think your mother is just trying to make it clear that she will respect your wishes, whatever they may be. Which is something to be thankful for.
[ Reply | Options ]Ils might not be, mom will be, but when she offered to come and help out right after due date, I said great that would be a big help, but then when she heard about mil and fil coming, she seemed not so happy, and now she asks again as though I never said anything in response to her original question. Now I'm worried she will be needy and controlling and in that case don't want her coming for a few weeks so I can get the hang out being a new mom....
[ Reply | Options ]Don't plan to have so many visitors at once and don't plan ANY visitors who will not see their role as cleaners, cooks, phone answerers and occasional diaper-changers. Invite whichever mother had success breast feeding to come shortly after birth if you don't have local sisters/friends who can be with you when your milk comes in.
[ Reply | Options ]Due date Oct 27th, il's and dh's brother coming Nov 8th for a week or so, fil might not come due to health; dad in town early Oct helping with a (poorly-timed) remodel we need done ASAP, he'll be around for due date not sure how long after, brother maybe coming early Oct, I don't really care who comes when because we need help on our project, il's will help with that and I am Ok taking on new db mostly alone if it means this hellish project gets done (we will rent out bottom story of house for much-needed income but it isn't done yet)- also, dh is an insomniac, he will be awake all night either way (and I finnally see the good in this trait). Its a big house, a little mayhem never hurt anyone right? Or is this an insane attitude? Its like ...
[ Reply | Options ]...Its like finals week in college, right, no sleeping but for a longer time frame? Maybe my mom thinks I'm nuts? Mil drinks too much, this could be stressful but she is super nice and might be more relaxing than my mom (both moms are extreme and they could provide balance to one another)
[ Reply | Options ]Wow. You'll take on what you think is right but each of those nugget sounds less than ideal to me. All of them together would have destroyed my first few weeks wit any of my kids. This was time spent nesting as a family, getting out of bed as little as possible, just parents and kids. I can see how a lay LC would be a plus for some women lacking local support but what you spell out does indeed sound like madness. Sorry this is where you find yourself.
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or maybe she is worried since my dad is coming (divorced, she remarried) and she isn't sure how I will feel about it? I wish she would just say what her issue is, she won't just tell me what the problem is or ask me what she wants to know and then I am guessing and trying not to hurt her feelings.
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I just had my first db 3 weeks ago and thought for sure I'd want my mom around. Turns out that I am MUCH happier with just me, dh and db. My mom came up for a day and it was more exhausting than helpful - my apartment is just too small. ILs are in town and I don't even like them visiting for more than an hour at a time. I think your mom is just letting you know that she won't be upset no matter what you decide to do.
[ Reply | Options ]my MIL came right after db and IT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA. we needed our own family time
[ Reply | Options ]Listen closely, op, your sisters are speaking to you. Change course before it's too late. People will always come at the last minute if you feel you want guests. Much harder to send them away once they're there and driving you INSANE.
[ Reply | Options ]OP: Ok, I hear you guys, thanks. I guess I will try to delay everyone a bit, but it might be too late! Dhs parents just kind of scheduled it without asking... I might just be screwed here. Well, at least I should get 2 weeks or so- hopefully db is early!
[ Reply | Options ]You will be so glad you did - the week after is hard in so many, many ways and you don't need the MIL and mom drama. You will need time to feel a bit in control. Also you will never get this time back so don't let them guilt you into anything. Take the time for yourself and your new family!
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I had my mother and ils with us after the birth and it was a total, total nightmare. I just wanted space because I felt cranky and having MIL and mom around telling me how to do things was not fun. If I were you I would wait a week - you will physically feel better AND you will find your feet as a mother.
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[-]anyone else worried about language development? My 18 mo. dd is babbling all day and says animals sounds, apple, up, momma, dada, and a few others. I am a little concerned. Is this little language ok for this age?
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[-]I'm 3 months pregnant and have a 19 month old. Hubby confessed over 2 years ago to cheating - I forgave made him change cell number and told him to cease speaking to any women particulalrly ones he'd had any inappropriate convos or behavior with. THings have been above board til lately - just gut feelings in addition to just always having heighten sensitivity. Been checking his phone lately found some inconsistencies, started checking v-mail - today he gets a call from someone he apparently contacted 2 weeks ago saying she just got his email - check the email - its from a person who is specifically off limits. I guess she lives in a city where he has had to travel lately and he told her he'd be in town. I want to raise hell and start packin...
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[-]Need extra cash!! Please recommend a legit work-at-home sites or other realistic options. I am really in a bind - my husband lost his job.
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Sell things on eBay -- it doesn't take much effort and you sometimes make a killing.
[ Reply | Options ]have nothing to sell. I really need to do things from home. I have two dcs, have a parttime job in the morning and go to school. I can do things at night and afternoons.
[ Reply | Options ]Babysitting. My mother used to pick up extra cash babysitting for Al-Anon meetings. Of course, this was back in the 70s when things were a little more liberal and a woman watching 8 kids was perfectly acceptable. But you must have some neighbors or friends with kids. Maybe you can offer your services at a discounted rate if they drop the kids off with you.
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my friend sells items on ebay that she's picked up at yard sales or second-hand stores and does pretty well.
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[-]Can anyone recommend the best public and private elementary schools in Portland, Oregon? We are considering relocating there and want to know what neighborhoods to look in and what the private school scene is like.
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Vista hills is definitely the best place to live. Ainsworth Elementary/West Sylvan Middle School/Lincoln HS are the absolutely best public schools in Portland! The neighborhood is expensive but right now it is a buyers market so you can get some great deals. We live just over the hill in SW Portland. The second best school is Bridlemile Elementary/West Sylvan Middle School/Lincoln HS near where we live. Also, great neighborhood and the houses here are more reasonable.
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[-]My daughter is almost 7 months old and is a great sleeper, however, she always screams and cries before actually falling to sleep. Sometimes it is short like 5-10 minutes other times it could take her 20 minutes before falling to sleep. It doesn't bother me or my husband but I am taking her on an airplane across country and I am already getting myself worked up about it. Anyone have any ideas how to get her to go to sleep without crying every time?
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[-]Expecting DD in October. Aunt sent Barbie toys. I always hated Barbies, and I feel like they aren't the kind of toys I want DD to play with. But if she wanted one, I'd probably go along although I'd probably mention to her that Barbie is not realistic-looking. But it bothers me to have it in the house from day one. Should I throw it out? Does anyone else feel the same way and how do you handle toys you think are sending bad messages?
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ITA. I have a boy, but judging from the 3yo girls I know, you will be happy to have it one day (every mother seems to cave to the barbie/princess garbage eventually--hard to avoid it unless your kid lives in a hole). I felt the same way about Thomas, Diego, and Lightning McQueen, and I gave in a long time ago.
[ Reply | Options ]Ugh. We live in a smaller, liberal town, kind of hippie population, and so I thought maybe the girls might not go there on their own (the kids here play a lot of sports, play together in the neighborhood, go hiking, etc). My out of town CA relatives have no clue why I left or that I might think differently. I hated growing up a girl, always felt like boys had more opportunity, were judged more on skills or personality than looks, and my dad only spent time with my brother doing "boy things." I never got to go camping or skiing and I had more rules/less freedom. I know these are my issues, but I want DD to LIKE being a girl and not feel like she is getting screwed over. I can deal with princess, but the Barbies are so horrible! But will I c...
[ Reply | Options ]Problem is once kids start watching tv. You may not allow it at your house, but other people will--and their daughters will start play acting the princess thing, and your daughter will want in on the fun. Whether or not she watches princess dvds, she will know all about it--and Barbie by extension. I'm watching it happen with all my ds's friends in a hip nyc neighborhood where I'm sure the parents are not encouraging it.
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I hated Barbie too and never played with them as a kid so I see where you're coming from. I would donate or give away so as not to "introduce/promote" it to dd, but like you said, if she develops interest on her own, I wouldn't
[ Reply | Options ]I'd get rid of them for this reason alone: kids can't even play with barbies until they're at least 3 y.o. or older. My oldest had never even asked for a Barbie until her 8th bday. She'd received them as gifts but paid zero attention to them until this past summer. I wouldn't keep any toy (moral objection or not) that wasn't going to get used for 3 - 5 yrs.
[ Reply | Options ]Not to totally change topic - but your post is one of my reasons for not finding out the gender. I don't want me, my dh, or others to start projecting all their gender based expectations onto my unborn baby. Why did you find out given what you described your childhood was like with your brothers?
[ Reply | Options ]Lol, yes, I am so regreting finding out, and I was so sure I would want to know. I think DH will be great to a DD or a DS (he loves outdoor activities and would pass that on to/spend time with either DD or DS), so I hadn't thought about the horrible toys issue or dealing with my family.... until now, when it is too late. I like the idea of some clothes being for a girl or for a boy, but now it has crossed the line, and I have actually been wondering if I should tell them that the latest ultrasound made the Dr really not so sure after all about the gender. My dad's 1st reaction was "Oh, she will be born with a Macy's Card"- how horrible! I live in another state now and I forget these things until we have a visit and then it all comes floodin...
[ Reply | Options ]...flooding back. Maybe I thought it was just me, not ANY girl. At least they live far away! Next time IF I find out I will keep my mouth shut.
[ Reply | Options ]OR - yikes, sounds like your family has some STRONG gender based expectations and norms and that it is definitely not all about you. I think your idea about the ultrasound story is a great one..say it wasn't clear, they aren't sure, they told us not to paint the room yet, that sort of thing, then just hold them off...I can't get over the Macys card comment. That must have been very hard to have a dad who thinks that's what it means to be a girl/woman. GL
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I think the more you draw attention to it, the bigger an issue it becomes. If your daughter wants to play with it, let her. It's when you make a big deal about something like this that it becomes an issue. Think about all those kids whose parents won't let them have ANY sugar--as soon as they get out of the house they go NUTS.
[ Reply | Options ]ittta but its a huge deal in my own mind, so I have to figure out how to act so my poor DD doesn't end up with similar or opposite issues that I ended up with. A big part of it was my dad acting like I was incapable and not someone who could be taken seriously, but my mom also gave me and my brother different curfews and let him go on trips that I couldn't go on. This made me hate anything female for a long time. I guess I should try to relax about the toys and focus more on general fairness and attitudes. Part of my family is 1st generation US, so that makes them do weird things and have expectations that bother me. I'm still throwing out the barbie for now though!
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Well, it's totally silly to send such an age inappropriate toy of ANY kind-you're delivering an infant; are you supposed to store this until she's an older toddler? Try not to sweat the Barbie stuff until it rears it's tiny head in a few years. Barbie is PRETEND-like Disney princesses and all the other crap you hope she won't go for. If it happens that she loves that stuff, suck it up, don't buy any yourself and wait for her to get past it. All you can do is practice your cool for the farther off day when she 'loves' the boy you'll hate. Don't put fences between her curiousity and crappy junk or she'll use all her strength trying to climb over them.
[ Reply | Options ]Also, there are so many things you can introduce that will balance the scales, when it comes to the junk that is marketed toward our kids. I know boys that love pink, dolls(Barbies included), trucks, kites, kitchens and Playmobil; these are toys not role models and it's amazing how savvy kids are; go with the flow and they'll reveal what really stimulates them. Visit www.commercialfreechildhood.org/ Work from the inside out. Have a happy baby!
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[-]I have a problem. I have someone in my life who I used to be close with, but really mistrust now. She's just so deeply wedged into my neighborhood/social circle that I don't know how to set boundaries. I never call her, but she's SUPER friendly ("Call me!"), She doesn't include me in social gatherings anymore (which is good), but she always seems to show up at mine (things like my husband's openings or concerts). The thing that bugs me is that I really feel like she used me to get closer to other people in my life. I feel social climbed. I also feel like she's always keeping tabs on me. I'm married with a child and she's not, but I feel like there's a really competitive aspect to all of this. Life been really good to me in many w...
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Okay, how? I tried to open up to her once, to tell her that something bothered me (It was a very deliberate, pretty major exclusion that she was FREAKED to be busted about) and it got VERY weird. I learned a lot of what was going on in her mind from that experience and it didn't sit well. I have been trying to keep my distance since, but she just moves in on everyone around me. I don't gossip. I don't like to trash anyone. The issue here is that I navigate a pretty heady, competitive, social environment and I'm not that savvy. Work and social life are very intermingled, so it's not just a matter of out of sight, out of mind (I wish). Some people are INESCAPEABLE in my universe.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't know what to say except either change social circles or tell her that she makes you that uncomfortable. She clearly has issues.
[ Reply | Options ]How does one change social circles? I know some wonderful people and have some really good, old friends, but I feel like I exist in an insanely pressured social environment that I'm constantly trying to avoid, but everyone's neighbors and the social/work worlds are VERY much intermingled. I would be so happy for a new friend, but that's how this whole thing started in the first place...I think I just need to fly as solo as possible for awhile.
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you have to get into the mindset where she doesn't bug you, then go from there. it is hard. she sounds annoying, but let some of this go, and it may be helpful in getting you to deal with this
[ Reply | Options ]I think that's good advice and I appreciate the sanity. I feel relaxed when i see her, like I can be friendly and straightforward (I don't have anything I feel like I need to hide). I don't wish her ill and I'm not upset about the past, but I feel like, violated, socially - like she's still using me somehow for her own ends.
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Do not tell her! She will get worse. Just be breezy about it, act like you don't care and move on.
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I totally agree and good luck. I also will tell you that I have one of here - really could be her - who was in my life until a final "event" when she and I talked and I told her that i could not be her friend any longer. I told her that i wished her nothing but the best, I told her I would never speak ill of her and expected the same in return, but that as more than "Hey, how are you?" type friends we were no longer a match for each other. I make a real effort to never speak ill of her (as I promised) and I feel good about what I did and said. GL !
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Not exactly. She is regularly talking to mutual friends about how to "fix" things and feels that I am a bit of a hinderance in her social mission (my wording here). They reassure her that I do not ever speak about her and that she showed me her cards - so to speak - and I didn't like what I saw. She should get over it. I feel better though that I stood up for myself and have removed myself from the whole thing that made me tense and snippy and even angry. I don't like feeling that way.
[ Reply | Options ]Sounds like you have some good friends who understand as a buffer. I'm not certain that I do. I just think if I had that conversation with her, she might deliberately misconstrue the sentiments to others. I don't think she'd be trying to "fix" anything. I think it might be covert war. I don't feel snippy, just wary.
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I keep to myself, basically. I think I'm sort of afraid of having anything less than benevolent around me. I feel intimidated by anyone who I feel might wish me ill deep down. I guess what I'm saying is I try not to get into the fray, but I think that leaves me somewhat isolated and vulnerable to gossip.
[ Reply | Options ]You can't isolate yourself IMHO. She sounds slightly predatory, no ? Can you have a lunch or a little get-together with the women you are friendly with (include her) just to reestablish ties and get some face time ? I hate being around people that have an "agenda" to get something more from each situation, but in this case, you may need to put yourself out there a bit.
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let it go. enjoy your life. be friendly but keep your distance as much as you can. if she doesn't have a lot of info on you, she won't have much to trash talk about.
[ Reply | Options ]This whole thing sounds very iffy to me. I agree with the poster above who said you're probably not the only one sensing this about her. I also had an acquaintance who seemed to be extremely popular with the crowd I was in, but could be scathingly rude to me, even in front of other people. A different slant on the same story: someone who can be ruthless and intimidating. It's a shame you think she could paint you in a bad color. I also agree with the others to brush her off lightly; don't react to her, don't get involved, keep your distance. If she is concerned that you've lost weight, be direct: say something like, gosh, I'm surprised that that's all you care about with my health issues. Have you tried being direct about that? Can s...
[ Reply | Options ]First of all, I hope your health issues resolve. Second, you have a family and a life of your own, so just focus on that. I have travelled in the high stakes social circles too, and nobody can lay a finger on you if you simply don't care. I don't care when I'm not included (I'm relieves) and I try to enjoy the people I truly like when I am included. You're going to see the frenemy, and it doesn't sound too painful. So move on, live your life, and be happy for all you have to be grateful for.
[ Reply | Options ]She CANNOT be taken off her guard. I've made a few references to what's been going on with me health-wise to try to shed some reality on the weird weight comments but it just passes right over. I think she is actually waiting for me to say I feel hurt or excluded in some way, so she can go to town behind my back, but the thing is, I don't feel those ways, just weirded out that she's positioned herself very strategically both among people close to me as well as people who are not my cup of tea and vice/versa. It DOES feel predatory. She always e-mails and texts me to try to put the ball in my court, and when I see her she probably tells me that she loves me "so much", a good eight times a minute, but it's SO not true. I'm just trying to ...
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[-]birkenstock owners, I am a size 7.5/8 (regular width) in shoes. what size birkenstocks? thanks!
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so bummed, bf of 5 mo and i ended things 2 1/2 weeks ago. it came when we seemed to be getting even closer and he said out of the blue that his schedule the next 2 months at work was so crazy and his travel schedule so bad that he felt like he couldnt balance both a relatonship and his schedule and eventually i would end up feeling neglected. i got very upset and told him that he obviously didn't love me or want a future with me like he said he did and it sounded like a line. i told him this was the second time he had done this (ended it with me once before) and there wasn't going to be a 3rd time. i said there was no getting back together this time. i left the restaurant (walked out mid lunch) and never looked back. well its been nearly 3 ...
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[-]I am a life long NYer born and bred-- but I am falling out of love with my city. Just spent a week in portland OR and am seriously thinking of relocating (DH and I are both writers so we really can work anywhere) . It was so much more vibrant and exciting then NYC is these days. Any reccs on nabes that are good for families?
58 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Ah, no. But I also have a Portland fantasy. Also a native NYer, who lived in Seattle for 4.5 yrs. too. Too bad for us, dh is a city worker so tied here :-( Good luck to you!
[ Reply | Options ]So many people say this now but I don't see it, I am totally in love still but good luck with OR. What about the city do you dislike now
[ Reply | Options ]not op but I am also falling out of love-- the UWS and Soho and Chelsea are now nothing but shopping malls with huge chain stores, all the cool ethnically diverse restaurants, stores and neighborhoods have vanished. Artists who used to flock here are now going to LA, Austin, Philly-- and yes, Portland. The city feels older and more conservative, that young vibrancy is gone.
[ Reply | Options ]Really, I think its us and our age it isn't the city. We are older and more conservative. We don't know where to go or hang in groups that have that vibe. People said this in the 80s too and it was very vibrant then. BUT if you feel that way obviously that is what matters!
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Frankly, how could a young person now have the perspective to determine what the city was like when they were not even born. When I was a child I didn't love nyc like I love it now. I wanted to get out, go somewhere different, like every teenager feels about their 'boring hometown'
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I'm also a life-long NY-er -- and I still love the city -- but we don't (and never will) have the $ to live how I'd like to live in NYC. Made the jump to Westchester and I'm very, very happy -- it's an adjustment (and it's not like city-living), but our lives are that much more "comfortable" (not just in terms of $ -- I also mean in terms of "how" we live). I have a tiny family and everyone is in the area and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving -- but if I did, I'd certainly look into it! GL!
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More so than NYC! :) I work locally (although with gas these days, that's not such a saver!) and DH commutes. I would have pushed for private school in NYC (although DH would have been flexible about that) -- and that's how I rationalize the taxes! Is it *that* much more affordable...maybe not, but I do think that it's less. Also, not every town is like Chappaqua or Scarsdale -- there are "affordable
[ Reply | Options ]oh... i see... i would never send my kid to private school so that is a different sitch
[ Reply | Options ]That's it -- maybe we could have made NYC work, but not how I wanted to do it. (I don't have a problem with public school -- but I went to private in NYC and got so much out of it and it would have been "hard" for me not to send DC there.) I also like to have a doorman and be near-ish to the subway -- and that makes the cost of living so much more. I understand that people are happy without things like that (and may even chose not to have them!), but it wasn't what I wanted.
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i am in the exact same boat.life long ny'er... not in love... but thinking more north east. like portland maine, or hudson...
[ Reply | Options ]My sister *loves" Portland, ME, moved years ago w/ dh who is from NH. They are artists and do *not* have a lot of money, but their kids have an amazing lifestyle, very active and outdoorsy, lots of hanging out w/ friends, own rooms, etc. The negative is, of course, the bitter cold. But that's what keeps it a small city!
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Every native I have known who has left has been miserable, I hope it works out I m sure it will
[ Reply | Options ]I don't believe that for a second. I know NO ONE who left NYC who regrets it. I have friends and family who've left in the past 10 years for Boston, Berkeley, New Hampshire, Gainesville, and other places as well and every single one of them is happy.
[ Reply | Options ]well, we left and it was the biggest mistake of our lives; we are finally back and getting careers back on track; having a house was no big whoop - tons of work; 2 cars; didn't save as much as we thought we would. and we were miserable.
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I think it's telling that the most interesting neighborhood in Portland (NW) is compared to New York City because people walk on the sidewalks and they even sell pizza by the slice. Portland schools had been downsizing because of fewer children.
[ Reply | Options ]^^^ I lived in Portland for 10 years and find NYC much more vibrant (and less car-oriented). I think you may get a better sense of NYC vibrancy in neighborhoods with a lot of immigrants. NYC and Portland have similar rainfall totals, but the 8-9 months of gray skies in Portland can be grim. It's a good place to garden though. For me, one thing that's great about New York is that no matter how down or limited I feel in my life, in 20 minutes I can be seeing paintings by Vermeer and Rembrandt and feel connected to the deepness of life.
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To each her own. Born and bred also, but fell out of love w/ Manhattan for similar reasons. However, moved to Brooklyn, and love it here. FWIW, was bored out of my skull in Portland, but that was a decade ago, so I guess it has changed since then.
[ Reply | Options ]Df is a nyc native, also a writter and just moved to Portland and loves it. She is single and needed a change. Her whole family is still in nyc, but she loves the lifestly in Portland and is going to stay, she had sublet her apt in nyc for a year to give it a try. This friend is 40 and had never lived outsiide of nyc other than college.
[ Reply | Options ]I would hate the fact that you have to rely on your car for every little thing. I just came back from Portland and I am really glad to be back in NYC.
[ Reply | Options ]I am a lifelong NY'er as well and am DONE with NYC for good. Moved away and then came back but now have a baby & cannot wait to get out. The whole tri-state area is a problem in terms of affordability but I finally realize what people mean when they say they want a "simple life". Cannot WAIT to be able to hop in a car, get around, and not have to worry about not being able to get out because is raining etc (like yesterday).
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Yeah, because hopping in a car with kids to go buy milk is so great and easy. And what's the problem with rain? You really don't go out in it? Not slamming the burbs, btw, just your reasoning.
[ Reply | Options ]ITA. I see the benefits of the suburbs, but I go out all year long in Manhattan. I make sure dd is warm and dry and we go to museums, kids classes, kids concerts, playspaces, etc. We walk to the corner for coffee or milk or toiletries.
[ Reply | Options ]Don't get me wrong, I love NYC, but I think there is a long lived misconception about the burbs. I live in Bergen county (Northern NJ)in a town with great public school system (really great) and I can walk to a supermarket, coffee shop, restaurants, town pool, playgrounds, my son's future elementary school, kids classes, etc. I agree, there are many places where I wouldn't want to live - too rural even for me. But there are many many towns that have a lot to offer. Additionally, since I drive a lot and am used to it I am more mobile than my friends who live in NYC. I agree, you can walk to many places in the city, but you are very often stuck within how far you can walk.
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Artists and hip people are going to Brooklyn. That's where the actio is nowadays. Or Lower East Side. You find the best food and artsy stuff there. If you live in WV, Tribeca or whatever, you are obviously living in the wrong nabe ($$$$$) to find those things. Before you move to another state, check out Brooklyn.
[ Reply | Options ]Any noted emigration of "artists and hip people", particularly in nyc, has become synonymous w/overcrowded, overvalued areas which lose much of their flavor, appeal and authenticity in the dustcloud of restructuring to accomodate the newcomers. There is nothing hip about being sheep; Exploring, risk taking and traveling less familiar places is ingrained in the art of living. If you're 'hip', you'll realize there is much to experience outside of the tri-state area. xo Native nyc-er with hip, artsy friends ps They all love to visit, have shows and collect $$ here- before exhaling and flying off.
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OK - but know that you are a cliche. All New Yorkers want to move to Portland Oregon! Always have and always will. Seriously, everyone I know wants to - some have, until they get there, and then they eventually move back.
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Wow, It seems like everyone who is a little (or a lot) disgruntled about living here should keep tabs on http://parentzing.wordpress.com. Maybe seeing the responses will remind us all of why we loved it here in the first place.
[ Reply | Options ]Wow, I think everyone who is a little (or a lot) down & out about the city should keep tabs on this blog: http://parentzing.wordpress.com. Maybe the responses will remind all of us why we loved it here in the first place.
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I left NYC after 10 years there (my whole adult life at the time) - I was still in love it with it when I left, but it only took about a month for me to totally love living in CA (Silicon Valley) and now, 3 years later, I wouldn't dream of moving back to NYC. Love the great weather and outdoor activities too much (and I was NEVER an outdoorsy person - it was always too humid or too cold) - and life is just much more laid back - even though I work just as hard.
[ Reply | Options ]I am totally over NYC, and live in Brooklyn which is better but still have to deal with school issues, cost of living, etc. But I have good friends who moved to Portland from here and now are looking to move back. Main complaints with Portland are that it is too homogenous and hillbilly outside of downtown and people are hillbilly Republicans.
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