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[+] I've been job hunting for 2 weeks now and I think that some people don't want to give... 8 replies
Talk : : November 18, 2008
I've been job hunting for 2 weeks now and I think that some people don't want to give me a job when they hear that my DH was in finance and got laid off. i feel them gloating and not wanting to do anything to help me. I am not going to tell them any more. I need to find a better explanation for why I was a SAHM for 8 years and suddenly want work.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.08, 06:52 PM [ Flag ]I agree with this. its what you are saying. they will think this is not a real commitment from you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you are paranoid
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]disagree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Tell them you suddenly want work because even though you have been incredibly busy raising tons of money for charity organizations while working on a novella, that you crave the challenges of (insert occupation here).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]tell them that in this economy you and dh felt it was best to have 2 incomes. tell them dh is a 'whatever his job was' but don't mention he's not working. there are some questions in a job interview that are inappropriate and illegal (like your age.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You suddenly want to work because you have the time, the kids are in school longer, with afterschool activites, they are more independent, etc... frankly, you don't really need to explain yourself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] How many of you SAHMs have full time nannies? 6 replies
- I have full-time daycare and I am a SAHM but I only use it when I need to get stuff done. HHI 250K...
Talk : : November 18, 2008
How many of you SAHMs have full time nannies?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.08, 05:10 PM [ Flag ]op: Also if you do what is your hhi?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have full-time daycare and I am a SAHM but I only use it when I need to get stuff done. HHI 250K
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]full time nanny, 400k
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]where do you live?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]CT
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
HHI 400k
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Poll: hhi, have you cut back on lifestyle, what has changed? 8 replies
- Zero. Dh recently ue ( just starteddoing interim CFO work)I am sahm after 25 yrs of f/t work. We live from our capital. We turn down the heat to 60, pay cash as often as possible. Do our own repairs, don't buy clothes, drink cheap wine :)...
Talk : : November 18, 2008
Poll: hhi, have you cut back on lifestyle, what has changed?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.08, 04:10 PM [ Flagged ]80K, nothing has changed. I am going back to work soon.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:12 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Zero. Dh recently ue ( just starteddoing interim CFO work)I am sahm after 25 yrs of f/t work. We live from our capital. We turn down the heat to 60, pay cash as often as possible. Do our own repairs, don't buy clothes, drink cheap wine :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:14 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]how about you OP?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]60K, not much, just still cut coupons, try not to use heat,no extras, cook own meals.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
150K, use cash, spend less on clothes, shoes etc, eat out less. budget like crazy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:16 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]$160k -- not really, we've always been on a budget (we're both teachers)! I just had major dental work (and have crappy dental insurance and didn't take enough flex spending -- and that has caused me to economize a bit (b/c I spent thousands on my mouth), but other than that, things are the same as always.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:24 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]250k, income hasn't changed. But retirement, college savings, etc., greatly reduced. We have cut back but not punitively. Eat at home more, dh and I don't buy much for ourselves, but still spend same on dc, next vacation will be of the budget variety.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]under 100k. we are kind of benefitting from everything that's going on b/c we are buying a house whereas before we couldn't afford to. things will be very tight and i'm nervous about it. we've cut back on groceries and other small expenses when possible.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] The gall of the finance crowd is beyond belief. They were incompetent, greedy and per... 114 replies
- NP: Far more, I think. The only upside is that SAHMs with DH's in finance may now understand what it is like to be a WOHM on UB - one may ask for advice only at one's peril, and before receiving it must be prepared to be insulted, justify your life choices, and grovel....
Talk : : November 18, 2008
The gall of the finance crowd is beyond belief. They were incompetent, greedy and perhaps even criminal and have destroyed our financial system and retirement savings and been bailed out by the taxpayer, yet they now expect sympathy and whine about having to live on "just a base salary". They are lucky to still have their jobs and on base salary alone they are still overcompensated!
114 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.08, 01:07 PM [ Flagged ]And what do you do? When you are not up on your pedestal passing judgment?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:10 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i run a small business. i work my ass off. i put food on the table for myself and my employees and pay for their benefits. i pay a fortune in taxes and pay inflated rent in my hometown because a real estate bubble made my city unaffordable. if my profits are down, i make do with less. i pay for my vacations, travel, entertainment and meals with my own nickel. shall i continue?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Get off your high horse. We all work our asses off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:14 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]NP: Not everyone works their asses off. Work in the financial industry, and the number of guys on sales desk who are spending time on YouTube and checking their fantasy teams is astounding.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:24 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
How much do you make? Because I would guess that it's less than this particular "wildly overcompensated" member of the "finance crowd".
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:24 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]and yet you have time to UB. hmm...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Who cares what she does. She's right.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
So every single person employed by the financial services industry was incompetent, greedy and perhaps criminal? Wow.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Was every person in the german army responsible for killing 6 million jews during WWII?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]oh yeah, those in finance are now the equivalent of murderous nazis? you're a fucking moron.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:18 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Thats a leap. Its also a leap to say that everyone in the german army was responsible for the holocaust and its also a leap to say that everyone in the financial services industry is an incompetent, greedy, criminal. However there are members of each party who are guilty as charged.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You are deluded if you think it's a leap.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:28 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]so are they all criminals? I never thought they all were. I thought there was a small percentage of greedy bastards who screwed all the honest people and now families across the country are suffering.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:34 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]yet it's easier for some to equate them with Nazis. disgusting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:35 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Learn how to compare and contrast apples and oranges. Describing oranges does not make them apples.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:38 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Grow up, and don't throw these terms around so lightly.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:40 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Grow up, relax and realize we aren't all attacking you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:46 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]NP: It's hard to relax when you read headlines every day about how many jobs your company is cutting, have every member of your family and friends you haven't heard from in years calling to find out if you are still employed and THEN go on UB and get compared to a Nazi!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:45 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Thank you for getting it. These people are insane for even *thinking* there is any sort of similarity.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:48 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
np: Actually I think the comparison in that stupid post would be those in finance are now the equivalent of every person in the German army. (Unless you think every German soldier was the moral equivalent of the murderous Nazis.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:52 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
that is not the issue. the point op made is that those in finance, especially those who received TARP funds and remain employed, should be happy with their job and base salary and not expect a bonus this year, nor should they expect sympathy for losing that bonus.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:17 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
life must be pretty clear for you with those one-dimensional goggles on, huh?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:17 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]The "incompetent" Finance people who made $1-2mil. a year and spend it, helped support the following: 1) (via taxes): Public school teachers (heard about the cuts, now, eh bozo?), policemen (heard about the lay-offs, bozo?), Healthcare for the poor, fire Department (more cuts, moron) 2) via their spending: busboys, waitresses, Retail stores, hairsalons, pizza places, movie theaters, magazines, doormen, construction workers, etc, etc. - these jobs of hard working people who barely pay their bills are now at risk - ASSHOLE
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:19 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Not to mention those us who, in addition not not being incompetent, greedy, criminal or otherwise Nazi-like, aren't making anywhere close to $1-2 million a year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:23 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]actually they also helped; 1.destroy pensions for teachers unions 2. drive up the real estate prices in the city so the middle class were disenfranchised 3. drive out the interesting ground level commerce in this city as we watched the low rise buildings which housed them be torn down to make way for luxury condos with ATMs and Duane Reades and chain stores at ground level 4. drive out light manufacturing and industry and turn our city into a place driven by leveraged debt and consumption 5. turn my once brilliant, vibrant hometown into an EPCOT version of its former self populated by vapid douchebags trying to recreate Chappaqua on the Hudson
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:23 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I suggest therapy. I'm not sure what you're *really* angry about - but this sort of unbalanced rage is just not healthy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:26 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]BRAVO!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]what would you prefer NYC to be? would you prefer the Central Park of the 70s & 80s? Tribeca without regular trash pickups? being terrified of waiting outside of Broadway theaters for fear of being robbed? filthy trains? tell me, exactly what do you miss?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:34 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np - Just for historical purposes, CP was recovering by the 1980s. The Conservancy was founded in 1980.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:34 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]^^^Plus I never ever remember being terrified in front of theaters. I worked in midtown west in the late 1970s.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So, you thought NYC in the 70s--when the Great Lawn in CP was a dustbowl and crime was rampant--was great? You're a moron.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I hate this argument. 'I pay more in taxes, so I'm better'. BS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:26 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Is it more valid than "I make less than you, so I'm better"? Or "I work for myself and not for a corporation, so I'm better"?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Whatever happened to... We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:33 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Didn't say it was. Just hate that point, and it is constantly made here by the wealthy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:33 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
not better, but not evil and / or irrelevant either.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:43 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
it was all a fraud, a bubble blown from delusion. they actually did not create real wealth after all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:37 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
think of all those kids coming out of B school who had big dreams of being loaded!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:20 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I hear Duane Reade is hiring.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
They aren't, their pampered SAH wives are.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:28 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]And taking it out on the rest of us on UB.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:17 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
you are an idiot. i could elaborate, but why bother.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:31 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]you can't elaborate. why bother when you're an idiot.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I think my POV on the finance crowd has definitely been skewed towards the negative from movies like Wall Street and The Boiler Room. That being said, I believe the finance crowd has brought a lot of this haterade on themselves. Not some much from say being greedy or incompetent, but from their own behavior when things were going well for them. Such as ridiculing those who chose to go in less than lucrative professions, saying things like Yale Drama School isn't "real Yale" (I've actually heard this), and bragging about putting clueless investors into bad stocks or bad deals. You can't behave badly then expect "lay people" to feel sorry for you when your chips are down.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:00 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Is Haterade a Gatorade product?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:05 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]It is. Instead of Michael Jordan as their spokesperson, they use Rush Douchebaugh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:14 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
IMO, the OP is JUST as bad as any of the people you describe (which, in any case would constitue only a small minority of the "finance crowd") - she thinks her choices are the only good choices and she looks down at the rest of the world. She spews hate and wishes misery upon people that disagree with her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:43 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:06 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]you obviously don't understand what really caused this crisis. it wasn't the finance crowd. they are victims as well. it was people like we all know who overextended themselves and those people exist in every industry. I now so many people that owned 2 and 3 homes when they could barely even afford their primary residence. it was their greed not the people in finance.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:06 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Someone drank the Kool-Aid!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:07 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]yeah, the one with all the facts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:12 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]LOL. Right. Listen, there are plenty of people out there living in McMansions who should, by rights, have a tiny bungalow. Delusional thinking on THEIR parts played a huge part in this mess.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np: Yes, but no one told the investment banks to leverage themselves to the hilt on what were obviously bad loans. Moreoever, people whose job it is to understand the risks and implications should be held to a higher standard than the average person who is out to put a roof over their family's heads. The fact was that insurance companies were knowingly giving these securities higher ratings than they deserved and people who traded them (not all finance people or even a huge fraction of them, btw) should have known -- or cared -- about what would happen if they kept hoarding debt that possibly could not be repaid. The very structure of CDS and CDO's was designed to get more (capital) for nothing (less creditworthy collateral.) By bundling all of these loans together, they thought they could put one over. So if this is the fault of people who over-leveraged themselves then the blame still goes to the few on Wall Street. That being said, I do feel sympathy for all the people and their families being dragged down by what only some at their companies did.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:38 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
the tech bubble burst and the schemers went to work to replace it. it was all easy money. the morons in congress were used and the american people pursuing the dream (unattainable perhaps) of home ownership were played as patsies. loans were bundled and securitized and billions in profit resulted for hedge fund schemers, investment bankers and derivative traders while the poor stayed poor and the middle class started to lose their jobs and could no longer afford gas for their cars and trucks. those who scrimped and saved, those in the middle class who wanted to own homes but refused to overleverage, were kept out because prices were too high. then the whole friggin thing blew up and those who suffered most are once again asked to eat a shit sandwich while their taxpayers are used for a big bloated bailout.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]to eat a shit sandwich as their tax dollars are burned in a big, bloated bailout which is not delivering on it's promises and is being misappropriated to pay bonuses to those who caused this mess and is being sat on rather than loaned by the banks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:16 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i am so happy and shocked to find such an informed person on UB. most of the posts re the financial crisis are a disgrace. you are 100% correct.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:10 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I was a fiction writing major in college so I have no clue about all this finance stuff. But, I do know quite a few people who watched a little too much Flip This House who bought more home than they could afford and who took out mortgages, willingly, that they could not afford, so I do blame these "folk" as well. I still remember the first time I saw my "dream house" 10 years ago. But I can't afford that house in this lifetime and probably not in the next. Sometimes you have to let a dream house go and turn the affordable house into a dream home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:18 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]EXACTLY. Irresponsible borrowing is largely to blame. Kids in the candy store syndrome--no one to set limits, so they gorged themselves on stuff they shouldn't have.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I don't think it's gorging to "want to own your own home" after all that is the American Dream. But, I think there needs to be that one voice of reason, a spouse, mother-in-law, good friend, loan officer, or your stingy alter-ego---someone that has to say emphatically, "you can't afford that" "keep away". We can't all be real estate moguls. Can we?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:34 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]For some, it is. For others, it's not. But many didn't want "a home", they wanted those McMansions you see on Super Nanny--often inhabited by garage door technicians or similar who have NO business owning such $$$ homes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:29 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
a fiction writing major in college? bull. shite. no such thing. you mean an mfa?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:45 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
have to disagree 100000% that congress was used. congress is utterly complicit in this!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:36 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]agree on their complicity but wouldn't you say their intent, for the most part, was good. "a chicken in every pot"...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:55 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I wish I could, but frankly there's nothing altruistic about the vast sums of money members of Congress made off of Fannie & Freddie.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:17 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Ahh, I remember the dot com bubble well. Covered it for Forbes magazine. There were experts that saw the burst coming a mile away, but no one wanted to listen. I also so some of the DUMBEST dot come business plans that got major-million dollar funding just to go bust. But I couldn't get $15,000 dollars to start my quilt business, which is doing quite nicely even in this recession.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:37 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]hey, can ya get me a good deal on a quilt?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:45 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
You are correct@@!!!!!Thank you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:47 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
To quote James Grant, "I put the blame squarely on the shoulders of ... humanity."
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:48 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Then why are the only ones who are "entitled" to complain, whine, throw pity parties for themselves the financial industry employees and dw's? This financial crisis is affecting EVERYONE.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Actually, I'm seeing at least as many "tee-hee-hee - look at those miserable people! They're getting what they deserve for having made so much money! They're all Nazis!" threads as whiny ones.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:58 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]But not so many "finance people" saying hey, it sucks for the rest of you as well. I guess we're all in this boat together posts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:00 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I can't speak for anyone else, but I've bent over backwards saying that those laughing now really should not be so amused - this will affect us all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:11 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
NP: Far more, I think. The only upside is that SAHMs with DH's in finance may now understand what it is like to be a WOHM on UB - one may ask for advice only at one's peril, and before receiving it must be prepared to be insulted, justify your life choices, and grovel.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:00 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I think what I don't get with all these "whiny" finance folk posts is that I thought volatility and harsh market shifts were part of the territory and therefore why weren't these folks prepared for the down swing. I'm a writer in television and film and I know how f-ed up and flighty my chosen business is, so I tend to live like my next pay check is my last pay check and I always have a "back-up gig". I grew up in the trickle-down, greed is good 80s and I never saw the financial profession as being stable. A stable job description only applied to doctors, lawyers, school teachers, and garbage men. That civil service exam is looking better by the minute. ;)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]*totally* off-topic, but how did you get into TV/film writing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I went to school for it. Literaly saw an add in a free newspaper for it and thought "wow people go to school for this stuff?" Went to NYU for undergrad, then Columbia for fiction writing for grad thinking I would be the next Toni Morrison. LOL! Instead, I write soap operas until they fire me, then I pick up editing work at any magazine that will take me. If I'm really desperate, I'll take some typing working the roach-filled basement at a law firm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:31 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Thank you for responding! Do you feel your graduate degree has served you? (don't mean to hijack, but I'm grappling with trying Columbia for writing...)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Sorry for the high-jacking too. In all honesty, yes, BUT and here it comes, because of my race. I'm Black and White folk (who I usually deal with in my profession almost always (Will Smith ain't hiring) are soooooooooooooooooooo impressed by my Columbia degree. I found Columbia to very difficult because the competition is out of sight. They say hollywood and publishing are cut-throat but they are NOTHING compared to Ivy-league grad school. My 2 cents, of course. LOL. And I'm still paying off my whopping student loans. Ugh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Another hijack here. When were you at Columbia? I'm also black and got my MFA from there. I only wish I were writing for a soap though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Not exactly fair to judge all on wallstreet. Some of the people you are criticizing were just doing their jobs and not in charge.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 03:49 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You listen to me you horrible little woman: My DH BUSTED HIS ASS at a job that kept him on anti-stress medication for TWELVE YEARS. He left the house at 6 and got home at 7. He earned under 100K in salary but once made as much as a million in bonus. This was all in stock, NOT CASH. We lived below our means but not below 100 grand a year. That would be stupid. Now DH is laid off. Our once half a million dollar portfolio is down to 60 grand because all that bank stock we were not allowed to sell tanked. Our kids are being taken out of their school. We are selling our home (or trying to) and last month I had an abortion because we can'[t afford a baby. So SHUT. THE. HELL. UP. You are a lazy, boring, stupid woman. You don't know anything so stop spewing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:20 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]this thread was aimed at those who are still employed who feel they still deserve their bonus this year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np You do know that not ALL the banks have received bail-out money, don't you? My dh works between 12 and 18 hours a day, phone calls at all hours, extensive travel, several hours of work on the weekends (occsionally in office). No bail out at his institution. He deserves his bonus (which, I'm sure, will be almost all stock this year).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:33 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]if his company was profitable and the shareholders did well and there was no TARP money, well, of course he deserves his bonus. after all, what is a bonus anyway but for an acknowledgement that someone was underpaid.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
please explain madam why living below 100k per year is stupid? please help the rest of the country understand that. please?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:31 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np If you're living in Manhattan and have two kids in private school, you need gross income of 120k for TUITION ONLY. Understand?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:35 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]There are no private schools in Manhattan that are less than $60k a year per student?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:37 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]30+K per kid. Taxes (city, state, fed) eat up the other 50%.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]precisely, which is why you dont enroll 2 kids in a private school unless you have steady reliable income to support it, somewhere around 4 to 500k
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Private schools would be empty if most of the families did this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:54 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]So most of Manhattanites live well beyond their means?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:02 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]In IB, if you're talented, you can start out at 100k + 250k bonus in your first year. That generally increases very sharply--so that you're making a million (over 800k of which is bonus) inside five or six years. The schools accept a lot of people in finance--and they have, historically, been the big donors (otherwise there wouldn't be FA for people making 100 or 200k).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:06 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
you bet i understand which is why i am baffled at how someone can claim a salary "under 100k" yet live a lifestyle requiring 5 to 6 times that amount to stay above water.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:38 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]what kind of entitled mindset would lead a family to live 5 times beyond their means?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]They DESERVE it. Don't you understand, they're special. The rules don't apply to them. Thats why God created Platinum Credit Cards.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:41 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ladies and gentleman may i present....The Leverages. You know, the folks in 12A with the poggen pohl kitchen, 2 kids at a private school, a black escalade to take mom shopping, a ski condo and a place in Sagaponack but nuthin in the bank.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]And then something happens and we're supposed to feel sorry for them and help them out. Ant and the grasshopper anyone?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:48 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np LOL! Any opinions as to why/how these types at my dc's preschool are STILL keeping up appearances with all this "stuff". Would have thought a lot of drivers would be out of work by now...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:49 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]My dh is a banker and I'm SO glad we've chosen not to live like this. Have a kid in private, but small apt and country place in low-key un-Hamptons town. Those keeping up with the NYC Joneses have a loooonnnnnggg way to fall. Ouch.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:53 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Yeah - I live in Manhattan and don't understand that one eitehr.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP HERE: Because it is stupid to live at an under 100 K salary when you earned a million in bonus the year before. So we lived like a family who makes 250 K. We never spent money we didn't have. We never went into debt. We have always paid all of our bills on time, in full. That is why no more kids, no more private school, no more house. Because we don't spend what we don't have. I wasn't saying that living off of 100K is stupid in and of itself. I said it would be stupid to live like you only make 100K when you actually make more.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:49 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]What kind of work do you do?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:55 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I work for a women's crisis center 4 days a week. I will be looking for more profitable work now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:04 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
wtf? you are not the original poster of this thread lady. why on earth would you say that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:00 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i think she meant she was the responder who failed in financial and family planning and referred to the OP (me) as a "horrible little woman"
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:01 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Um, if you just draw a straight line up you can see what each post is responding to. This one was responding to the direct question, "Please explain madam why living under 100K is stupid."
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What industry do you work in?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:33 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]She made you feel bad so its okay for you to make her feel bad and call her names? What is this 4th grade on the playground?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:33 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]And you are an ass. You had an abortion because you wouldn't be able to send number 3 to private school. What a selfish ass you are.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:53 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Gotta agree with that. Sick, really.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:56 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]We'd hate for your DCs to get dirty walking around with us unwashed masses.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
and #3 would be enrolling in private school in what, 3-5 years. You don't think the market would turn around by then?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:11 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]look, It's great to be on top of the world. I'd love it, too. But, she sounds so twisted. Poor kid.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:59 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]F*&K YOU!!!! I would NEVER have an abortion because I can't afford private school. WTF is wrong with you? How could you EVER say such a thing to another person? I'm a real person you as&-Hole. we have next to nothing. We can't pay our mortgage and can't find anyone to buy our home so the bank might take it. One of our kids has special needs and we can't continue services beyond what the state will provide which is not enough. I hope you go to hell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:11 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] Parent-teacher conferences on Thursday - do both parents go? do you find the feedbac... 76 replies
- I'm so glad you asked this. SAHM, working dh - I am going alone - will teacher think this is bad? DC in K public....
Talk : : November 18, 2008
Parent-teacher conferences on Thursday - do both parents go? do you find the feedback helpful at all or is the process just more bs?
76 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.08, 12:06 PM [ Flag ]I'm so glad you asked this. SAHM, working dh - I am going alone - will teacher think this is bad? DC in K public.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no and who cares what the teacher thinks. Thank goodness your DH has a job to go to
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I care.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
teacher is not going to think badly if you show up alone
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op - was just wondering. could care less what the teacher thinks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nice
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
They are only 15 min's long I think?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op - ours are only five minutes. i have to turn my entire schedule around for this nonsense.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it's insane. a total waste of time
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh, you have no idea how ridiculous this process now seems to me. second grade, and i wish i could (had the time) to homeschool
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NYC public school conf are 15 minutes. Where does your child go that only allows five?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]a nyc public. apparently the rule doesn't carry throughout the system. (for the record, last year it was ten)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It does, tell me your school - I'll make a phone call - you'll get 15 minutes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't want a phone call. just wanted to clear up your misunderstanding.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
LL's P-T conferences are 10 minutes. I think 10 minutes is plenty of time to get a quick overview about DC's progress. Most of what the teacher tells you is no surprise really. If you need more time with him or her you can always schedule some extra time outside the conferences.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Source, please?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Go to DOE website. If you can't find it there, simply say to your principal - I thought the regs said 15 minutes - am I wrong. If s/he says you are call. It's 15 minutes which is barely enough time to scratch the surface.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]barely enough time. what do you want to know?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]most likely the same things you want to know.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and you cannot get this done in 10-15 minutes?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op - we have been told that we can schedule longer appointments for a different time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sounds like a lazy teacher or administration. You can barely start talking in five minutes. That is outrageous.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]meh. they added a grade and have too many kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np, that makes no sense. The teachers aren't running back and forth from one grade to the next for conf. What does adding a grade have to do with the amount of time a teacher spends with a parent of a child in her class?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sure it does. there used to be 600 kids in the school, now there are 800. do the math.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]but they also added three teachers or so, no?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so they squeezed the 200 extra kids into the existing classrooms?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sadly, yes. took away tons of other things. sigh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh yes, and made class sizes huge for the other grades.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Just went there. Where did you get that info from? Hearsay?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nope. It's DOE policy. Schools don't pick the days of conf and schools don't pick the length. Some may try to convince parents they can, but if you complain, it will change.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Again. Source, please. Where did you get this from? You foundit on the site? Somebody told you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP; Ours is 10 minutes because if you have 25-28 kids in class that is all that can fit. If you need more time you get another appointment.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
gen ed mom here. ours is ten.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
dh goes when he can, which over the course of dd's school years has not been that often. feedback is helpful, but teachers complain that only the parents of "good" students actually show up. I'd imagine that's a bit of a generalization but seems more and more true as dd gets older
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We both go. Over the years we usually teamed up with another family and booked consecutive time slots. One pair of parents watches the kids of the other who talks to the teacher and vice versa. DH and I always go together.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we got it, you both always go together
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]good things come in pairs
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I always go by myself, dh stay home w/dc, can't stand parents that bring their kids, it's call parent/teacher, not parent/child/teacher
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol. i agree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what if DH wants to talk to the teacher also? Hire a sitter for the 30 minutes or so we'll be out?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]try to do a dropoff playdate, or some teachers wil set up a place inteh hall the child can wait (not helpful ifyou have a younger sib)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, of course thekids stay in the hallway. They don't get into the room (except for the time we had an infant).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
both parents typically go. and yes, we've always found the feedback useful. it's amazing how much info you can actually get in such a short period of time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, get a sitter, that way both of you can focus on what the teacher has to say about your dc...why do both of you need to be there, can't convey what the teacher said to dh or dw
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]did you miss the part where I said that we tag-team with another couple? The kids just wait around the school outside, inside, Starbucks, whatever.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that wasnt' meant for you but another post
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ours is in december, dd is in public g&t empowerment school so principal said teacher need more time to assess child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ah, let the kool-aid fest begin.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]plesae. dd is at anderson, also an empowerment school and a G&T, and our P-T conferences are on thursday, like everyone else's.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]really, that's great, don't mine meeting the teacher in december, parents do get a progress report if dc is not doing well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]just responding to your principal's comment that the P-T conferences are later in the year because the school is G&T and an empowerment school, so more time is needed. that's a bs excuse (from the principal).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Because it's an empowerment school, the principal is allowed to schedule the Parent Teacher conf....which is not such a bad idea.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Huh? Doesn't the principal know that such information is easily accessible by the public? The DOE sets the dates for PT conferences: http://schools.nyc.gov/NR/rdonlyres/1FD604BD-C000-4A4B-A1A6-44B57C387CED/38111/Final20082009ParentTeacherConferences1.pdf. Has nothing to do with G&T or not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think it has anything to do w/G&T, but as an empowerment school, principal can make that call.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nah - (np here) empowerment zones don't have that much power.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, they do, been doing it for two years now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]right. and gullible isn't in the dictionary.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]whatever, I'm just telling you what dd school have been doing for over two years now, our pt conf. is not on the same day as all the other regular public schools.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]meh - your answere wasn't relevant either to the orig. question or the thread. you just wanted to say g&t
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]actually, i'm at a point where i really don't care if it's G&T or not. What i'm saying it's an empowerment school, not necessary a G&T school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
All the schools I know (including quite a few G&Ts) follow these dates for PT conferences and open school events.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
http://schools.nycenet.edu/region6/midwood/empowerment.html
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]read away my friends, it seems like you have the time
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
we schedule during the early part of the day -- usually, the 1pm-1:30pm slots. we go during our workday. dd has a sitter or a playdate (it's a half day of school). it's never been an issue.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am going alone & DH is watching the dcs. I can convey everything to DH. Here's a question for the rest of you: what types of questions do you plan on asking the teacher? (This is for K parents)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No plans. We are going to listen to what the teacher is going to say and take it from there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]question: what can I do to help my dc at home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you should be getting a report card first, no? that can trigger questions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: This is our first p/t conference. I had not heard about report cards. Are you sure about that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: You will not get one yet if dc is in K. In March will be the first one. In higher grades you will get one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: Thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
that depends on the school. SOme schools already gave out report cards, others do so later.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
we try to both go. this week dh is away on business so i'll be there alone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You should both go. The teacher will be glad you are both involved with your child. The feedback has always been helpful every time we go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] How many people have or are thinking of having 3 kids in nyc? do the genders of your ... 6 replies
- I know a SAHM/WAHM who has three...
Talk : : November 18, 2008
How many people have or are thinking of having 3 kids in nyc? do the genders of your first 2 kids affect that decision at all?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.08, 10:18 AM [ Flag ]I know a SAHM/WAHM who has three...but they are loaded. I would never do this to my kid. As one of three myself, I felt lucky to be the oldest as I actually got a lot of one-on-one time with my mom, but my sister (youngest) didn't get as much attention...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]BTW: It wasn't until my sisters teen years that this became a huge issue for my family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm one of three and loved it. Had a single mom too. Anyhow...I don't know many w/3 these days esp. in nyc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How big is your apartment? Three bedroom plus gender doesn't matter... But if you are in a smaller space you are playing russian roulette as eventually same gendered children will need to room together.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have 3 in nyc. Had one of each before #3 so gender wasn't an issue. The third db is killing us in terms of exhaustion and the renewed childcare costs, but he's still worth it :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 10:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]We are planning on having two regardless of gender. I don't think we could fit (afford) 3 in NYC comfortably, but we would leave the city if we were dying to have a third. A lot of my friends have three kids, but I only know of a handful in Manhattan that ARE NOT wealthy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] question for sahms with advanced degrees. do you think the degree was worth it even ... 10 replies
- I'm a SAHM w/an advanced degree, but I had a fellowship + stipend, oo I got a great education from an Ivy and no loans. I don't regret it, but I'm ready for a career-change when the kids go to school. I'm applying to go for...
Talk : : November 18, 2008
question for sahms with advanced degrees. do you think the degree was worth it even though you aren't working in that field anymore? do you think you'll go back to work at some point? sometimes i think i would've been better off getting experience as a small office manager. i'd be in the same financial boat by not having paid for school. and i'd have more job opportunities right now for the hours i want to work.
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.08, 07:11 AM [ Flagged ]I'm a WAHM with an advanced degree. Honestly, it never helped in any of my positions, ended up being just further education. On saying that, I loved the experience and it did lead to my first job in the industry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:14 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]so no regrets?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:18 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]nope. paid off loan years ago.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:26 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I'm a SAHM w/an advanced degree, but I had a fellowship + stipend, oo I got a great education from an Ivy and no loans. I don't regret it, but I'm ready for a career-change when the kids go to school. I'm applying to go for another degree in a different field next year. I'm going to be combining both in the future. Plus, my mind is turning to mush staying at home, so I need to go back to school to not feel like a big lump.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:33 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]what was your degree in?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:34 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]French. I was first doing translation work and then teaching. I'm now going back for speech pathology (I'd be a bilingual speech path) - better hours, better money, etc. But, I don't regret my French degree!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I don't regret my advanced degree at all. It's an MFA which is not necessarily the most useful degree, but it gave me training in my chosen field and qualified me to teach at the college level. My only regret is that I did it right after college. I think I would have made even more of the experience if I had been a little more mature.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ditto on all accounts
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 09:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I don't regret my advanced degree. Did not NEED it but it helped me move out of a career path in to a diff. one. Was a wonderful 2 yrs, plus I paid off my loans, etc before I was even married or had db, so I just see it as an investment in growing, learning, meeting interesting people, and pushing myself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:40 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Ironically I sometimes regret my first advanced degree which was the "free" one (PhD w/ fellowship & stipend). My second advanced degree was the one that opened doors for me and got me the jobs I've enjoyed (and indirectly led me to meet dh).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 07:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] How do you gracefully say no to playdates? Moms are always approaching me to have pla... 16 replies
- wow. you are making such assumptions about the reasons people ask for playdates. I am a sahm and I ask for playdates b/c my kids want to play with their friends! I don't palm off my kids on anyone. I always volunteer to be there and to help, and if a drop off is preferred, that's great with me. And I...
Talk : : November 17, 2008
How do you gracefully say no to playdates? Moms are always approaching me to have playdates with their kids but honestly, our day is already so jammed with school and activities and my kids already play with the neighborhood kids that I cannot possibly fit in any more. On the weekends we do lots of stuff with family. I also feel like the moms want to hang out, and again, its a time issue for me, that I just don't have a lot of it. There is one mom in particular who is so pushy about it and I can't seem to blow her off.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.08, 08:47 PM [ Flagged ]get over yourself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:50 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]sigh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:51 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
i get what you are saying. a lot of the moms might be part time WOHM or be busy with other things, so they try to palm their kid off on other people, and they can be really pushy about it. its a pretty rude thing to do, and you'd be totally right to keep blowing her off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]wow. you are making such assumptions about the reasons people ask for playdates. I am a sahm and I ask for playdates b/c my kids want to play with their friends! I don't palm off my kids on anyone. I always volunteer to be there and to help, and if a drop off is preferred, that's great with me. And I always reciprocate by having a playdate at my house -- also drop off unless the mom wants to hang out. Can't believe you just assme people ask for playdates to palm their kid off. Don't your kids want to play with their friends?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: My kids would do it if opportunity presented itself but don't demand it. And after 7 hours at school, and afterschool classes a couple times a week I see nothing wrong with just running around at the playground or playing with sibling at home. And then there is homework too. I only schedule playdates if kids are off school or have half day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think you should be honest. It really is the best policy, just say what you just told us. Thank you for asking, but I have to be honest - by the time we get home and do homework and relax its time to start the dinner, bath, bedtime thing. I may be the worst mom on the planet and as xx gets older it might change, but for now - we are taking a break and trying to manage the time as best I can. ??
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]just be honest and say you aren't doing playdates at all b/c you are overscheduled. no one should take it personally b/c it is not as if you are having playdates with some people but not with other s-- oh, yes, you are. seems like you prefer the neighborhood kids?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If you have any manners, you would invite that mom and kid over for something with your family then. Say you are always so busy but you would like to try to get together. You certainly have two hours free at one point.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np, I am going to disagree with this. Manners do not dictate that you invite someone to your home because they insist on trying to set up a playdate. The "manners breakdown" is on the part of the mom who keeps asking once it becomes apparent that party B is not interested.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 05:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Playdates shouldn't be about you, but about your dc. Does your dc like or play well with the kids in question? If so, then make it work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you are either overscheduled or lazy. don't your kids want to play?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]alhtough I agree the pushy mom sounds annoying. once you've said no a couple times, people should stop asking. no one has to socialize if they don't want to. not healthy for you kids, but that is your own business.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: it depends how you say no. sometimes people aren't clear ('not today but we'd love to do it some other time' instead of saying 'we don't usually do playdates b/c dc is too tired') then people will keep asking
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: You don't have to schedule playdates for kids to play. You can just go to the playground. And some kids actually manage to play with their siblings, too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np, is this a response to the post above or the original. i'm not sure it makes sense.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Let me guess. You weren't very popular in high school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] If finance/nanny/sahm/tt was Plan A - what is Plan B? 4 replies
- huh? can you explain - married to finance guy, have a nanny, sahm, what is tt? tia....
Talk : : November 17, 2008
If finance/nanny/sahm/tt was Plan A - what is Plan B?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.08, 05:30 PM [ Flagged ]Eew... I guess I'm plan Z.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 05:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]huh? can you explain - married to finance guy, have a nanny, sahm, what is tt? tia.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 05:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]tt = top tier. guess dh is secure in his job so no worries about plan b?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 05:41 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
get a job?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 05:45 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] Going rate for nanny in NYC to watch 3 kids? 11 replies
- OP: Okay, just worked that out--that's @ $18 to $20 an hour?!?! Even if one child is in school every morning and I'm a SAHM?? Just curious...
Talk : : November 17, 2008
Going rate for nanny in NYC to watch 3 kids?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.08, 11:38 AM [ Flagged ]700-800 week
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:45 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Help my math-challenged self. What does that break down to per hour? (our nanny is p/t)
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]really depends on the hours you need--most nanny's are flexible as long as they don't have to work past 6:30 but want a weekly guarantee. This includes paid vacation and holiday
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
OP: Okay, just worked that out--that's @ $18 to $20 an hour?!?! Even if one child is in school every morning and I'm a SAHM?? Just curious...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:53 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]no way. not nearly $800. less than that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:55 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
full time? live-in?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:49 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]P/T to help me out with three (I stay at home and although sometimes nanny would be expected to watch three), often I'm home and/or one child is at school in the mornings. one child is napping/etc...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]good reliable part time help is hard to come by
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 11:56 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: Well, I'm lucky to have someone already, but I'm just trying to figure out how much of a raise I need to give her...she makes $15/hr for two kids now...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 12:01 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
$15 per hour
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 12:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]We pay $15 as well, she rarely watches all three dcs (only on some school holidays she has to watch all three for one to three hours/day).
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 02:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] as a ft working mom it who took a year off with #1 and went back to work after 3 mont... 13 replies
Talk : : November 17, 2008
as a ft working mom it who took a year off with #1 and went back to work after 3 months with #2, it annoys me when sahm's make the comment that they are staying home "for the most important years of their childs lives." Who is to say that 0-5 are the most important years? And I don't really believe these women ever go back to work anyway. I feel like they say it to justify their actions and to put down mothers who do work.
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.08, 08:20 AM [ Flag ]both "sides" put the other down pretty equally and pretty harshly. wohm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. SAHM.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So true. It's amazing how, when it comes to parenting, so many women think that different = wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
That's absurd, many do go back to work, others quit when kids are in school already. Everyone is different, we should just respect our respective choices and not judge each other all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think we should all just respect each other's choices and recognize that neither choice is bad for our kids. We make the choices that are best for our families based on many factors.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And who exactly are you putting down with this post? Pot meet Kettle.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: Who have I put down exactly? Was it you Kettle?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, I own my own business. You sure do have a snotty attitude.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe she's insecure with her decision and taking it out on SAHMs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 09:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: If you had stopped at most important years, you wouldn't have put down anyone. You went on to put down sahms.... (wohm here)
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i disagree. i think 0-5 are the years when quantity counts. after that, it's the quality of the time that counts more. you can sah f/t with an elementary school kid and most of that time is wasted b/c your dc is in school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah well i'm looking forward to the time when both kids are in school and my time will be "wasted" to make up for the hell that i'm in now with two little ones. i plan to consider that time my "compensation" for this crappy unpaid job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]enjoy every second of it :-) i was just saying that if it's an either/or situation, i think quantity counts more for a mom with young kids. how old are yours?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Being a SAHM is way less hard/stressful that WOHM: 1) Nobody can actually fire your a... 44 replies
- SAHM with full time nannies or SAHM with someone from family to leave the kids...nanny and no family around, different situations, which SAHM are you picking at?...
- When do SAHMs with no help with kids under preschool age...working. I think there are t hings about sahm'ing that make it harder and things about...not. Anyone here who has commented critically on sahm or wohm you are just jealus, some days...
Talk : : November 16, 2008
Being a SAHM is way less hard/stressful that WOHM: 1) Nobody can actually fire your ass for bad performance; 2) Nobody supervises you; 3) WOHMs still have to care for their DCs (on top of their "regular" job); When kids go to school Reebok and other similar places are full of "hard working" SAHMs
44 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.08, 07:00 AM [ Flagged ]eh em ok you win.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think they're both stressful in their own ways, and each group is WAY too judgemental of the other.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:33 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]3) Really? Do you do this by remote control or something?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]If you can afford being WOHM that's great! or if you have parents to leave your child with, otherwise it's the one of the hardest works.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]We are talking about many different situations here...SAHM with full time nannies or SAHM with someone from family to leave the kids with and SAHM with no help, no nanny and no family around, different situations, which SAHM are you picking at?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: Actually, I am a SAHM with no nannies and no parents' help. Used to be a WOHM and really struggled to balance life (used to have a nanny when working)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]also depends how old is your baby? when they start going to school is another story, you have time for yourself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: My DCs go to preschool now
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:48 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ahhhh....ok, now it makes sense. Go back to work then!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]exactly!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 08:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np Sounds like she's picking at all of them. I'm in the last category. Have a 6.9 yo and a 2.9 yo. #1 spent 2 nights with ils when she was 2. Have never been away from #2 overnight. Now that #2 is in preschool, I go to the gym for two hours each weekday so that I can have some me time (which, according to one poster below, is a capital crime).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Well, WOHMs have ZERO "me time"
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:46 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No? I get a whole hour to myself at lunch, totally uninterrupted, and a morning and afternoon coffee break...that's more than I had when I SAH. I can shut my office door and focus on what I'm doing with no interruptions...again, more than when I SAH. I miss dd something crazy, but it's the right choice for our family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]someone honest here!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:57 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]It's true though. WOH is stressful as hell, especially when we're facing budget cuts, dd gets sick and can't go to her dayhome so I miss work, I worry that I'm a bad mommy for not being home. Luckily I have fantastic employers, and LOVE my job. SAH was stressful as hell too...we were worried about money CONSTANTLY, had to save like crazy for the smallest things, and I felt like I had to constantly be "on"...I was far less patient when I was at home all day. Once a month, now, I have a scheduled day off, dd goes to dayhome, and I relax, get major shopping and housework done, and everyone benefits.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 08:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Well go bite a rock. You are working and if you don't like it quit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:50 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]BS. They get lunch and those who don't punch a time clock can run out and do little errands, like go to the drugstore without whining kid.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:58 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Who the h*ll actually gets to sit down & eat and not work - not one person I know & as for "jumping out" & doing errands - only if you want to come home later & get less time with dc. WOHM are in general more stress, more pulled & have less "me" time. That said, both have their ups & downs. And we do what we have to do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 12:57 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]When do SAHMs with no help with kids under preschool age get "me time"? Not when baby's napping (that's when they clean and do laundry). So when?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 01:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np: when i was a wohm, i had my commute time. i had time to run into the drugstore on my way to and from work. i had my lunch break. if i ran out for a few minutes in the middle of the day every once in a while, no one cared. when i was a sahm, i had to bring at least one child with me everywhere. in some ways, i had much more freedom as a wohm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:04 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]^^^just want to add that the grass is always greener. i used to not count commute time as "me time". now i commute with dc and i think so fondly back to when i got ot commute by myself. there's no right or best answer to anything anymore.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:07 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
ITA, that is what few people understand
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: All I know is that I don't have nearly enough "me" time as a f/t wohm with 2 dcs. But I don't assume that sahms have it any better (excluding of course sahms with help).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:13 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Great! Then I made the right choice! I want a joyful life for myself and my family. I don't want a "hard, stressful" one...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am an attorney and worked until DC #1 was 2.5. I now stay home since DC #2 was 6 months. Both are stressful, but at least when I was working I had a team of people helping me which included an incredible nanny. Now it's all on me. When work was done I could come home and not worry about it. Now I worry about my job 24/7. The other thing about a job, it's not life or death...although we often act like it is when at work--unless you actually are a doctor, cop, firefighter, etc, but you know what I mean. This kind of stuff is such BS because we all have challenges and women just really need to stop judging each other.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 01:09 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]amen
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 07:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i'll bite on this one. 1. it totally depends on the type of job/work environment and the type of household/kids you have. 2. you can fail, even though you can't get fired. 3. just b/c i don't have a supervisor doesn't mean i don't have to do a good job and it doesn't mean i don't have a personal standard to uphold. 4. when you have an assistant at work it doesn't mean you aren't hard working. when you have meetings at work where you just sit and listen it doesn't make you not hard working. I think there are t hings about sahm'ing that make it harder and things about wohm'ing that make it harder.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 02:19 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I only work because we need the money. If I could, I would stay home in a second. I can't imagine a life where all you have to do in a given day is go to your yoga class and buy your in-law a birthday card. Any one who does not have to work and be able to be present for their families should be grateful. How can you even look your nanny in the eye, the one who had no choice but to leave her DCs behind in another country so she can make enough money to send home to them so they don't starve...Sorry to sound so moralising but UMC ladies who can have that luxury at least ought to be self aware.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 03:26 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]your post doesn't make much sense. the 'nanny' obviously needs the job and these people are offering her employment. i don't have any help, but if we could afford it, i sure as hell would take it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 04:53 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]My post does make sense. Sure the nanny needs the work...but could you imagine abandoning your children to go raise someone else's? I have a friend who is an artist married to a carpenter who gave her nanny the $5k she needed to bring her children here because she just could not bear to watch her pine after her children. I just think this was a very HUMANE thing to do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 09:21 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]That story makes my day! What a wonderful thing for your friend to do. If more people did things like this the world would be a better place.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 07:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]does your argument extend to cleaning houses?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i am a SAHM and i totally agree. it is more difficult to juggle work AND kids than just kids. that's why i decided to quit my job and spend time with my 2 young kids. i have no help and they're not in school and yes, it is hard, but it is also more rewarding for me (and i'd like to believe better for my children).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 04:48 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Just be grateful that you had the choice. Most women don't have that luxury.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:09 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i am aware of that fact and i am very grateful that we can afford this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
So tired of this faux debate. The reality is that we all have much more in common as mothers of young children, trying to juggle the various demands in our lives, than "debates" like this would have you believe. The other reaction I have is that it's such a silly, upper middle class notion. How many of your baby sitters or nannies with young kids of their own ever sit there and dwell on who has it worse? Give me a break.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:11 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ita. the only people I know who are fascist about this have dhs who make so much money that they don't have to work
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:21 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I just stopped working (for a short period of time) and I always thought it would be easier to be a SAHM but it is hard work and you need to be "on" all day long. I agree they are both hard for different reasons but each side should respect the other and appreciate the stresses that each deals with everyday.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:51 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]When I am home for the whole day with DC, I am ready to pass out at 9pm and do not want to talk to anyone. When I am working and come home for 2 hours with DC, I still have energy after 9pm. Just saying.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 09:32 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
These posts are useless. I am a sahm to 2 dc under 2. I go to work a few evenings a week to get a break and have some me time. For a wohm when you get home is probably your break time. Either side of the coin is equally hard in its own way, as moms we should be supporting one another and helping eachother, not putting others down because they are doing what we are not. Anyone here who has commented critically on sahm or wohm you are just jealus, some days I am jealus of the ladies who get to go to work every day, however if I was going to work everyday I would probably be at times jealus of the moms who get to be with their children all day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 09:38 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]WOHM care for their kids differently, they have more patience. The WOHM I know can't handle being with their kids for long periods of time bc they don't get their downtime. Anyway its really depends on the parent and situation everyone is different.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 06:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This crap is boring!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 07:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't know. we haven't had a good sahm/wohm debate in a while.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 08:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Any SAHM's who feel like they are doing it all, and getting very little respect? This... 40 replies
- vice versa. Seems kind of mommywars-like to say SAHMs are closer....
- the other hand, my other sister who was SAHM has a strained relationship with all three of...do with the self-righteous attitude a lot of sahms have. My oldest sister said there was no...benefit for getting financial compensation for their work. SAHMs do not....
- on lap, you're picking at the wrong SAHM,...
Talk : : November 15, 2008
Any SAHM's who feel like they are doing it all, and getting very little respect? This is truly the hardest job in the world (but one I will never regret having).
40 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.08, 09:24 PM [ Flagged ]Yes. I feel like this job is a joke to the rest of the world. But it is what it is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]op: it feels like some people think that if you're not earning a paycheck, you're just being stupid or lazy. I work harder now than I've ever worked at any job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Not only does this feel like the hardest job, but it is such an important one too. Your kids benefit so much from you staying home with them. Just remember that the next time you feel like your not doing anything important. Our paycheck is the close relationship we get with our dc
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:45 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]true true, thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:47 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OR: I don't know - sometimes I feel like when I'm out of the house for the day that I feel closer to my kids when I get home than when I'm just with them for 14 hours like normal. I wouldn't say WOHM's aren't as close. I think you can appreciate them more and vice versa. Seems kind of mommywars-like to say SAHMs are closer.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:53 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ita. I'm a SAHM for the most part with work here and there. It definitely helps (for me) to have a little time a part from my dc as it invigorates our relationship, reminds both of us how much we love each other, etc. But I think it would be different if I was away 9-6, or maybe not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I don't think dd and I could be any closer and I've always been wohm...ditto for my sister. on the other hand, my other sister who was SAHM has a strained relationship with all three of her children. you make your choice, but please don't try to tell me it's somehow the universally right choice
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I never felt that way when dc was little. Now that dc started K, I'm a little at odds about what to do. Still want to be there. Don't want a job that gets me home at 6 or later every night, but also feel like I want to work again. Not sure what to do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:53 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]this is a very stright forward question - why is it the hardest job in the world - whta makes it so hard?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:34 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Because it's a huge responsibility, to care for another person (or two!) and your job never ends, day or night. It's pretty much all encompassing, and when push comes to shove, there's no one else who can make decisions for you. It's a lot of work, responsibility and pressure (but your kids are always worth it).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:56 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]and wohm somehow abscond on that responsibility? their job is finite? they're free from the pressure?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: Motherhood in general is the hardest job in the world, and any mother deserves respect, whether earning a paycheck or not. My point is that many people don't respect the choice to SAH, because they are not "earning a living" in the traditional sense.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I really don't think that's the case anymore
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]nr. I'm a SAHM, I clean, I cook, I change diapers the whole day, feed db,deal with tantrums(but it's so worth it, because she's the cutest thing on earth), I have absolutely NO HELP , not even parents, nanny, nothing and my soon to be ex show about 5 to 8pm after a happy hour after work...THAT'S LIFE!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:14 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]op: in my experience, there are plenty of people who don't see the value of being a sahm, and think that it makes more sense to have a nanny to do that kind of work so that they can do the more important job of earning money. The people that I am referring to do not "need" to work, but want to have a certain lifestyle they want to maintain.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]there are also people who don't 'need' to work but 'want' to work because it's a unique source of satisfaction
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:26 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
well - this is an anonymous board so here goes - but i don't have the same respect for sahms. It just isn't a "respect" issue. If you don't want to work for a paycheck it is your choice - whether you have a kid or not you should make your choice about how you want to live. But it still is not working. why can't they just admit that they would rather not have a job and it is more fun to be home and hang out with the kid? i don't have any problem with that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:12 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Are you an idiot? In some cases you can't just go to work, it's expensive to have a nanny/daycare or whatever, only if you make more than at least $14/h to pay the nanny while you work and some profit, otherwise what's the point?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:16 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]the point is future earnings - when the child care winds down you are not starting from scratch - plus some people actually like to use their hard earned education . . .
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I actually have a business that I had to stop until db goes to kindergarten, than I'll get back to it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:52 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I was getting the business started when I found out I was pregnant, so it didn't give me money yet, but it will in the future.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:53 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I think it has something to do with the self-righteous attitude a lot of sahms have. My oldest sister said there was no good reason not to sahm, that if you're not going to stay home you shouldn't choose to have a child. I said, 'okay. but what about someone like [our own sister], whose husband walked out on her when her dd was 3 months old?' it's not always strictly about choice
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:16 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]yes and it goes both ways.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
op: not flaming here, just want to point out that this response is exactly what I was referring to. "Hanging out with your kid", although plenty rewarding, is not easy by any means, and requires a whole slew of skills, including patience, juggling schedules, organizing playdates, cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, and the list goes on. I'm sure those who are working in the traditional sense also have some sort of camaraderie in the office, go out from time to time with co-workers, etc. Hard work does not preclude enjoying yourself sometimes. In addition, working people get the added benefit for getting financial compensation for their work. SAHMs do not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:21 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]referring to the responder above who admitted that they do not have the same respect for sahms
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:24 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ITA!!!!! not kidding! I've worked all my life very hard and nothing compares to SAHM with no nanny/help, is 24h 7 days a weak, with no breaks, no time at all for myself, no time to have drinks, nothing, it's all the time taking care of db, it starts when db wakes up and finishes when db sleeps and if I'm lucky enough I can have a shower at 10 pm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:27 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
LOL. So you have respect for your illegal nanny because she's earning the $15 an hour you pay her under the table to "hang out" with your kids? OK.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:32 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]illegal nanny? I have NO nanny. And I respect nannies and teachers that deal with kids more than ever!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:35 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Daycare worker, then. You had one or another OR you dumped your kid in a relative's lap.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:39 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]become a daycare worker? lol, what if that's not a job I'm inclined to do and wouldn't be able to give db the attention she needs because I would be taking care of other kids? my db is only 16m old.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:43 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]What are you talking about? The subject is lack of respect for SAHMs. Becoming a daycare worker??! Huh?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]let's ignore this troll! this person is just trying to "stir the soup" and piss us off, she doesn't know what she's saying anymore!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:50 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
and I'm a foreigner, no relative's to dump my kid on lap, you're picking at the wrong SAHM,
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:45 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Are you ESL? I am a SAHM (and a foreigner, for that matter) and am replying to the "I don't respect SAHMs" poster!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:48 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]go away troll.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:51 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I totally agree -i'm a sahm to 2 dcs-3yrs and 8 mos... I've been up feeding 8mo 3x last night and up for good at 7am w/ both kids. DH is still sleeping. I wanted to sah, and do not regret it, but yes, it is way harder and more exhausting than any other 'job ' i've ever had.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:59 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]and who would be up feeding the 8mo if you were going to work tomorrow - don't you get that some people do both?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:13 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]yeah, me...and I would be doing 10x more than my husband does. i work 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I have no nanny. I do everything. DH has it easy-sleeps in every weekend. I haven't done that in 3 years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]same here, it's tough, we don't have a break even to poop (seriously I'm always constipated), I'm always running to go back for dd, that can't stay unnatended.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:23 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
It becomes much easier when they are in school from 8-3, or even preschool gives you a break. Also starting at about 5 or 6 kids don't need to play with them or supervise them all the time. The sahms at my school go to the gym, get their hair done, volunteer and complain they have no time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 08:19 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] HHI $155K - do we qualify for fa? 4 replies
- dh works, I am sahm with a toddler as well, and a new small-biz owner, but just breaking even...
Talk : : November 15, 2008
HHI $155K - do we qualify for fa?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.08, 07:24 PM [ Flagged ]Yes. You'd probably get somewhere between 50 and 60% of tuition in aid.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 07:26 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Do both parents work?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 08:48 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]dh works, I am sahm with a toddler as well, and a new small-biz owner, but just breaking even
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Financial aid also depends on assets and other financial obligations: how much money you have in the bank; whether you have a second home; tuition for other children; support of a parent. No one can answer your question accurately without the full picture.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:00 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] What do you think of only children? 55 replies
- cousins. Myself, I was the youngest of 5 and the one nearest me was 5 years older--I always felt like an only and left out, it was not much fun for me. In fact, I think it might have been easier had I been an only because my mother (SAHM) would not have left me to my older sister and her teenage friends to babysit me all the time (sis is 10 years older). I do wish I'd had a sis much closer to my age--no more than 2-3 years diff....
Talk : : November 15, 2008
What do you think of only children?
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.08, 03:17 PM [ Flagged ]I love my only child more than anything!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:20 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]why only one for you? how old?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]we haven't decided if we will go and try for another. If we do try it won't be until I am 41 and who knows if it will happen or not. My daughter is really well adjusted, very social and shares with other kids pretty well for a 3 year old.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would never knock having two or more children in the abstract, given that some families have no choice. But where there is a choice, I choose no.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 11:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Circumstances don't always permit you to have more than one. I love my only and she doesn't mind being an only at all!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Mine is three and a girl too. I started miscarrying and told dh that I just can't try anymore. I am worried about her being lonely later though. Sometimes I came home and played with my brother and even though we fought a lot I was glad he was there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]My DD is 7. It doesn't bother her now because she has many friends and is not shy about making friends. She may of course feel differently when she is an adult. I try to teach her about the importance of having many friends and being a good friend. Luckily she has many cousins. Myself, I was the youngest of 5 and the one nearest me was 5 years older--I always felt like an only and left out, it was not much fun for me. In fact, I think it might have been easier had I been an only because my mother (SAHM) would not have left me to my older sister and her teenage friends to babysit me all the time (sis is 10 years older). I do wish I'd had a sis much closer to my age--no more than 2-3 years diff.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:20 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I'm an only child and it's not what I'd choose for myself (and not what I chose for my DC)...but I also think that you have to do what's right for your family. Like anything else, there are pros (and cons) -- and it's what you make of it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:34 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I am an only and loved being one growing up. Now that I am pushing 40 I wish I had a sibling (or two).
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Why?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Parents are getting old. Would like to have a sib to talk to, help with parents when they get old, will be only close family after parents die.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:45 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I have to tell you that I've heard that when parents are older, usually one sibling takes care of the details. Not sure why that is or who it usually is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:49 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ITA. And I'm prime example. I take care of my M, but I am the youngest. It has sort of worked out that way for now, mostly beacuse my M prefers to live with me than with any of the others. My sister will eventually have to take her turn.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np and while I wouldn't say this means you shouldn't have #2, this is certainly the case for me. I'm the one doing elderly parent stuff and my sib is very far away/not involved. It has caused a lot of very bad feelings.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
That can sometimes make it much, much harder! My mom was an only when her mom died it was her who took care of it. When my dad's mom died it was absurdly difficult BECAUSE of his sister.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:33 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Not con only children. But pro-multiple children. Why? If you have a sibling you learn how to share, not only toys, but attention. You learn how to fight. How to fight fair, and how to make up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:28 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I can appreciate that sentiment. But don't you learn some of that elsewhere? I'm curious about your thought, not challenging the validity of what you said.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:32 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]As far as learning how to fight, fight fair and make up. You don't have that day in/day out situation where you have to deal with the other sibling. A friend or classmate you can somewhat avoid. If you are sharing a room/bathroom/house you have to interact with them. My biggest thing is learning how to disagree but maintain a friendship. So many of the only children I know let one thing happen and the friendships over because they don't know how to make up or just let it slide and move on.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:24 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'm an only and I totally disagree with that generalization. I have a lot of very close friends some of whom go way back. I think when you're an only (or at least in my case) you really value and nurture your friendships because you have no siblings. I never felt I missed out on siblings, but I do think I learned how to agree and disagree and treat people. It's more to do with how you are raised than whether you have siblings. I know screwed up people with siblings and screwed up without. This generalization is just too broad and will change as more people choose to have only one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 09:18 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Like any generalization there are always exceptions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Actually, I often think siblings learn how to fight unfair & all the other things can be taught to only children in other ways
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
both dh and i are only children and i think we're both well-adjusted, successful, happy people. there's nothing wrong with having one child. we decided to have two only because we didn't see a good reason not to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:31 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yeah, but people at the office say that you don't share well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:50 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I am an only too and loved being an only. I think it depends on child's personality, but not every kid needs a sibling. I think having a second kid just so first will have a sibling is either a rationalization for parents who really want another child. If you really don't want another, your first born will be fine. It's all about how you parent them and about making sure they have friends. I have tons of friends with whom I've been close for years. I do think onlies have very strong friendships.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:58 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Only children get dragged along to a lot of adult events. Therefore, they get exposed to things families with multilple children cannot do. For example, my friends with only children regularly take them to art openings, because they can tag team the kid. Since we can't do that with two, no art openings for us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:35 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np - we just did this. Took dd to a friends photography exhibit -she is only 2 and was the bell of the ball. Another photographer there now wants to do a whole photo shoot with her. She was well behaved and put a smile on everyone's face
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:33 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]sorry for the grammatical errors - need coffee
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Selfish...my FIL is one and he's a grown baby...My MIL completely agrees, he needed a sibling. Doesn't know how to share (not his toys), personally or socially. Very introverted and self-serving!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]My fil is like that too and he has a sister. Can't imagine why everyone doesn't feel like he does.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 06:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]How sad for him but I know plenty of multiples with these traits-two of my seven sibs for example.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 06:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]exactly
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I think onlies are lucky! I have three and think all the time about the things we'd like to do for them but can't. They're all close in age and we can't even go to museums with them on the weekends. Just too insane. And I miss travel! I love my three but stick with one. It's a nice option!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:16 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I have an only as does my sister and step-sister. Oddly enough, we have had less trouble with our kids than my other siblings who have 2 to 3 kids, but maybe that just a matter of numbers. dd has never complained about being an only, maybe because her best friend has twin sisters who are major whiners
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:19 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'm another only who loved it growing up. Now that I'm older, I can see benefits to having a sibling, but there are also real benefits to being an only. I think that onlies tend to be very close to and have very good relationships with their parents. It's a lot calmer without the sibling rivalry, and you share a lot with your parents that you couldn't with a sibling. If you want one, then that's what you should have.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ITA. Very well said.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 09:19 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I have an only. We had DD when I was 38 1/2 after a bad experience before her arrival. We were so happy she arrived, and I just knew I was done. One and I was happy! Also figuring in for me was my age, the fact that Earth is way overpopulated and that I don't like a lot of chaos. It's fun doing things with her that we wouldn't be able to do if we had two.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I am previous poster and have to add: I just knew that I was happy with one. She was the one, I had no doubt. There can definitely be societal pressure to have more than one, esp in my neighborhood. There are people with four, who frankly I think are batshit crazy and also selfish when you think about it in a way(every year there are complaints about school taxes going up b/c of more students, not enough playing fields etc and who is doing the complaining? - the people with lots of kids!). I can see two...if I had had her earlier, maybe I would have had two. But once I did every stage with her, I felt satisfied and had no desire to go back to diapers and potty training. We're enjoying bike riding and playing board games now. Every stage has its joys and trauma. Hopefully you will be happy however it turns out. In this crazy world of 9/11s and uncertainty, I think we should be happy for each moment we have and not stress too much about this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:35 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I had a similar situation and feel the same. We are a complete family of 3.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 03:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That is nice to know :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
WAsn't my choice to have only one, and I do sometimes wish she had a sib for when we get older. However, can't imagine having a better relationship with her than I do; think this would be harder w/2. Also, I know so many parents who prefer one kid to the other or others -- sad. Also, CHEAPER.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:06 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No guarantees that having two will be of any use when you are older. Sibs often live far apart or just do not have close relationships. Hubby has sibling who is geographically close to us, with a child of the same age. We see them maybe 2x a year, on holidays. Sad for the cousins but that's the way it's been going (and not due to any animosity, they just have other activities that take precedence and we're tired of trying to arrange visits). Also one sibling (my DH) clearly takes more responsibility when it comes to helping the parents out as well. So please don't use that as a reason to make a decision about whether to have another. Have one if you want one, but there are no guarantees about anything that comes after that :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]not an option for me anyway. . . just trust that my daughter will make good friends early and oftenthat she can keep as long as most people have their siblings!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 08:59 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Glad to see a lot of positivity when it comes to onlies, or ONEderfuls, as I have seen them referred to. Thanks to all that responded so nicely!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:43 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I would never knock only children in the abstract, given that some families have no choice. But where there is a choice, I choose no. A friend once said that only children are always a little bit off -- either too attached to their parents or too remote. I have to say that holds true for all the onlies I know, save one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 10:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Then apparently you don't know enough of them. Should I tell you about all of the spoiled kids I know that aren't onlies and generalize from that? How many do you know? Just wondering, for your scientific survey, what your sample size is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 11:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Certainly not true of my DD. Friendly, outgoing, shares, takes turns, is empathetic to other people and animals. And not true of the ones I know. Guess we're not meeting the same people.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 11:06 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]So...they're either too REMOTE or too ATTACHED. No middle ground there eh? Perhaps by remote you mean mature? I can see that b/c onlies tend to do more things with their parents and are less likely to be babied. Attached as in the kids I see who cry at preschool and don't want to leave mommy---all of whom have sibs? Like that you mean?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 11:08 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I would never knock having more than one child in the abstract, given that some families have no choice. But where there is a choice, I choose no.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:16 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Dh is an only and had a happy childhood. His parents worked hard to make sure he always had friends around and he is still friends with them to this day.That said, he wishes now that he had a sib since taking care of his mom is a huge amount of work since his dad died and when she is gone he will have no more living blood relatives. He felt it was very important to have more thn one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 02:50 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]How would DH know that a sib would help with mom? Or that sib would live close enough to be of any help? No guarantees in life, esp with this. And about the living blood relatives...it's rare that there are no others, no cousins? On either side? No aunts or uncles?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 03:22 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No one else at all. His mom was an only and his father had a sister who died in her early 20s before she had any kids. He knows that there are no gaurantees but there there is a chance it would not fall completely on us. Even if a sib lived far away they may be able to help with financial resources and decision making.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 03:44 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Wow, that's interesting. My mom was an only too but has cousins through her mom's sister (aunt's kids) who were like sibs to her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:15 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Wow, you only children are VERY defensive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, it pretty much is the norm all over europe (for the caucasian population, that is) and they seem to be doing ok. individually. it's a total nightmare for the demographic future of the continent and their social nets, but that doesn't apply to your case.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:27 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]that's true, europeans mostly have only one kid, but then again: not sure if i agree they're "ok"...kinda self-righteous and a bit annoying, but don't think you can pin that down to being only children. just remembered something funny: isn't the word for a "single" child "unique" in french? that may explain a lot.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Sometimes I think that I should have stopped with 1 dc. Having 2 often feels like to... 10 replies
- ditto. Am SAHM and feel like am always cleaning when not taking care of dc and then am exhausted because am so desperate for time to self at end of day. I actually think I need to go back to work so I can appreciate time with dc more. Feel like an...
Talk : : November 15, 2008
Sometimes I think that I should have stopped with 1 dc. Having 2 often feels like too much for me. I often am not enjoying myself or relaxing. I love both my kids. But it's not easy for me, and I often don't find it "fun."
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.08, 01:14 PM [ Flagged ]How old are your DC?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:21 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]6, 2
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:28 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]My dc is 2 and I find myself staying up longer - late into the night just to have some 'me' time. I do get bleary eyed in the morning though, but that time to unwind does help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:29 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: I am one of those people who really needs 8 hrs (not that I ever get that!), so I like going to bed as early as I can. But it ends up feeling like such a constricted existence: get up, feed kids, go to work, come home, try to enjoy kids, but you're really doing chores the whole time, weekends I'm exhausted but also feeding/taking care of kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:37 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Dont you get a break with babysitting or while one is at school?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:26 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
ditto. Am SAHM and feel like am always cleaning when not taking care of dc and then am exhausted because am so desperate for time to self at end of day. I actually think I need to go back to work so I can appreciate time with dc more. Feel like an awful mother.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:55 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I wonder if I should stop with one. I love him more than I can say, but I find raising him as much as I can handle. Also, I'm 38 and wonder if I'm depriving my kid of a sibling who could be a lifelong friend.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:32 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You do what is best for you - even siblings can be estranged.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:34 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: That's pretty much how I feel, though I'm on the other side of the decision. I find the infant-baby years completely draining to begin with. Then add on another kid, and it's just a lot for me. I believe that having a kid by choice (whether it's your first, 2nd or beyond) is to some degree an irrational decision -- it's often more of an emotional decision than anything else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:35 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I have one don't think it of deprivation at all. I love my ds and our family and while, yes, many siblings are close (I am close to my sister but that didn't start until I was 24), many aren't (neither of dh's parents invited their siblings to our wedding)
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:06 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] Thinking of leaving my job and staying home with kids. DH doesn't make a HUGE amount ... 8 replies
- what will the economic impact be on your family/lifestyle? how do YOU feel about being a sahm and leaving your job (is it a career)? would it be easy to jump back into the workforce if you hate it? what are your motivations? the answers to those questions will help you. the fact that someone else did it and loved it or did it...
Talk : : November 15, 2008
Thinking of leaving my job and staying home with kids. DH doesn't make a HUGE amount of money. Anyone else do this? did you regret it?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.08, 10:43 AM [ Flag ]my sil just did. not sure how it is going to work out but she seems happy for now. if she had asked my advice i would have said to just stick it out through 2009 and then make a decision. but she didn't ask and i didn't offer.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'd do it it we could afford it:) GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]what will the economic impact be on your family/lifestyle? how do YOU feel about being a sahm and leaving your job (is it a career)? would it be easy to jump back into the workforce if you hate it? what are your motivations? the answers to those questions will help you. the fact that someone else did it and loved it or did it and hated it won't help you because their situation was unique - as is yours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]family will be fine. we just have to watch money a little closer.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 10:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ok. what about your psyche? will you mind not being a working woman or contributing financially?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 10:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: these days we are (or should) all watching money more closely...
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Can you do p/t? I would be hesistant in this day and age to bag it all for several reasons.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]those are salient questions. i know it is a risk. it is really hard to manage both and to be a good mom with the stress of work. i hate having nannies take care of my kids
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i spent close to $4K on clothes in the last 2 months. I got promoted to an SVP positi... 1 reply
Talk : : November 14, 2008
i spent close to $4K on clothes in the last 2 months. I got promoted to an SVP position and had been a SAHM for a while before my job started in June. I told him it was to revamp my wardrobe with business clothes. He is very upset and wants to look at all of the receipts to see what I bought and he also wants to look at my expense reports for work to see where I am spending money. He also thinks I'm having an affair because my job is in sales and I am travelling once in a while. He has been very passive aggressive and cold to me. We have had problems for a long time because I've felt for years now that he is over me and is just with me for our 5 yo dd. He actually said that 2 yrs ago. Now I am feeling like we are at a point where all the respect is gone on his part and he is just wanting to control me. WWYD? Would you sit with him and go through the receipts and expense reports to appease whatever the hell he is looking for?
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.14.08, 06:44 PM [ Flag ]Sounds you are in the middle of the fight, still. Don't hold against him what he said at a fight two years ago. My DH is VERY controlling, too, especially with money. Good for you that you have a job now which will give you back some independence.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] just had our second child and need to give my babysitter who works from 8:30-6:30 M-F... 2 replies
- I don't have any help sahm, but I would say that going from 1 to 2 is worth at least an extra $75 A week, but I guess it depends what you are currently paying....
Talk : : November 14, 2008
just had our second child and need to give my babysitter who works from 8:30-6:30 M-F a raise. how much do people give for the addition of a second? $25 per week? $50? $75? $100?
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.14.08, 05:50 PM [ Flagged ]I don't have any help sahm, but I would say that going from 1 to 2 is worth at least an extra $75 A week, but I guess it depends what you are currently paying.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:54 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]that was my instinct. i was actually thinking $100 b/c another child seems like a lot of work for only $400 addtl/per month but i wanted to get a sense of what other people do...
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:04 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] have you ever done a playdate with a nanny? is it weird? are you supposed to chat t... 15 replies
- I am FT WOHM. My nanny does playdates with moms, dads, and other nannies. I feel uncomfortable asking SAHMs for the playdates, but it is what it is....
Talk : : November 14, 2008
have you ever done a playdate with a nanny? is it weird? are you supposed to chat the whole time?
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.14.08, 09:10 AM [ Flag ]i have. it depends on the nanny. one spoke limited english, so not so much chatting. other nannies are very social and we chat a lot.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, you can gauge how much you should or want to interact with any other adult at a playdate. Have done some with young, energetic english-speaking (usually American college women) nannies where we chat a lot and become friendly, and others with women who speak limited english but are still happy to discuss their child, etc
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just try it, you might like it. Nannies are people too. You don't have to be best friends, just have to watch your kids. How old are the kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they're 2.5. change of plans, so now i'm going instead of my nanny, never done it before. i have nothing against nannies per se, actually wondering if the mom will think it's weird it'll be me instead of nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am FT WOHM. My nanny does playdates with moms, dads, and other nannies. I feel uncomfortable asking SAHMs for the playdates, but it is what it is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have. It was no more uncomfortable than being with a new mom that I had met for the first time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am confused by your question? Is a "nanny" a different species? is a "nanny" a "plant" or a piece of furniture? why would you not speak to a nanny if you otherwise speak to a parent? I don't even GET you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: have you ever had playdate with a nanny instead of the mom? i can imagine it's sometimes awkward.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]man, you are one cranky freak. i have a nanny, just never did a playdate with another nanny before. if anything i hope she's not uncomfortable having me instead of another nanny. calm down.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have done it. Not a big deal and easier in a way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks, everyone. you confirmed for me that it's not a big deal--i'm just new to this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Call me crazy - I often prefer nannies over moms!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 04:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It never ceases to amaze me how bizarre people's thinking and biases are. I've met nanny's who are better mothers and caregivers than the actual mother! And they are interesting and funny and wise. I've nanny's who can barely string a sentence together.. and I have no interest in meeting the mothers who hired those nanny's. Allow me to vent, but I'm disgusted my mothers who are running around in designer clothes and yet hire the cheapest nanny they can find. And then when the nanny wants a raise after a year, they fire them and hire someone cheaper.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 04:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ittttta - I simply love your honest response' this also amaze me
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 07:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] New psychic mom here. 123 replies
- he's better now, but I'm worried that having two kids is going to drive us apart (I'm SAHM, he works at a hedge fund)....
Talk : : November 14, 2008
-
When will I conceive?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Early next year, I believe.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]jan/feb?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:58 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'm getting March but I see very cold/snow so maybe early March?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks... we're actually going to skip March as dh will be away most of it and we don't want a December baby if possible
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:01 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Hum. Guess you need to see how you're feeling in March, then. Not getting vibes that you'll have a hard time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]thanks! hope not... I'm only 25!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:04 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yeah, don't worry. Getting strong baby vibes from you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:07 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
When I will meet the man of my life?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]hey! hey! and me?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:12 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]For you I am seeing warmer weather, shorts and bicycles. Spring? I see a large park, picnics, a frisbee.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:13 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
When I read your question, I keep seeing winter parties. I want to tell you to go to every party that you are invited to this holiday season. I also see a man with brown hair in a business suit at a party with silver decorations. It might be a New Years party or a friend's office party?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:12 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]not friend's office party, SAHM. But, if I'm invited to any I'll try to go.lol
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:17 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]But don't you have friends who work?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:19 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]yep, my best friend her dh is an IB that still has a job. Let's see, if something comes up I'll try to go!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You know what, you should really push to go to that party. Had a strong reaction to that. Have a strong feeling that this is a friend's office party. Show your friend this thread and tell her that she needs to get you an invite. Then you must talk to everyone you meet there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:23 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]cool! thanks! I will!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:33 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
As soon as you stop worrying about it...
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Easier said than done.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OK 6 IVFs later - can I start worrying?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Will our school director forgive us for complaining about the pirate costumes?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hope you're still on: will my dd get into a tt school? will my business be successful financially soon
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 06:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Is the DOE going to change the K admissions policy again before next fall?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:55 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Magic Eight Ball says "not interesting enough, try again"
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:56 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Wait, I thought you were a psychic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:57 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I am. I just think DOE questions are boring.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:01 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
WHERE IS MY SECOND BABY???
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:57 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I think you need to see an RE. I have this feeling about blockage.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:58 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Seen them all- there is nothing physically wrong with me or my husband- the first baby was a one night conception
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'm sorry, still seeing blockage. Not sure what to tell you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I think it is mental and do not know how to get rid of it. Thanks though. (I have heard this info before)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:26 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Could absolutely be mental. Maybe take a break for a month, don't think about it at all, go on vacation?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:36 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Will I get into grad school?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yes. You are going to make some change to the course of your study while you are there. You'll learn something that will pull you into a different direction.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:04 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]To clarify -- if you want to. I'm getting the sense that you're a bit conflicted about grad school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are good
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:06 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Am I ready to start TTC?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No, you need some more time. You're still figuring something out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:06 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]when do you think we might be ready?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I really hope that I am wrong but I have this feeling that you need to work something out in your relationship first, and that you won't feel ready to try until you've settled it. This isn't a huge problem but it is some conflict that you have, maybe about lifestyle? Do you have very different future goals or current lifestyles? Sorry that I'm not being very clear.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:25 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I think you might be a bit off... dh and I both want kids and are settled into our relationship. We've had a rough year as his dad was ill and recently passed away. He really wants to start TTC soon, and I want to soon-ish, but not sure when. He works a LOT (lawyer) so that is the only "lifestyle" thing we have, but it is not an issue...
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Are you worried about the fact that his long hours will put a lot of strain on you as a new mom?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]a little, but we've discussed it (actually we talked about it last night). I plan to SAH with a new baby, probably until it is in preschool, which is fine with me. DH is completely willing to pull his own weight, and would rather come home and work in eves if he can... his schedule at least is pretty flexible, so he has that option. I know he'll be a great dad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yeah, I'm not sure why but I am getting this sense that you aren't totally ready yet, even with all these good facts. Maybe you just need to sit with the idea for a while? Are you worried about the change to your own lifestyle when you SAH?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. Yes, I think i'm not totally ready, but I do really wants kids, and not sure I'll ever be "ready". I know there will be a huge change to my life (and not a ton to dh's especially until db is born). I look forward to SAH, but I do want to work part time and I'm worried about trying that in this economy. I think we're going to start ttc in the new year...
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:43 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You are going to be a good mom, I can tell. I think you're right to think it through and grapple with all of the feelings. Give yourself until the new year, that really feels right to me. You're going to be ready, you just need some time to go through all of the associated emotions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:45 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]thanks so much! We've had so much to deal with this past year (got married, dh's dad's illness and death, lots of work stress) but dh wants a baby SO badly, and I want one too, at least relatively soon. I'm also worried about my mom, who is pushing that we wait longer...
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:49 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yes, don't worry. Reassure him that you will be ready soon (and maybe tell him that you'd like to set the beginning of the new year as a loose target) but don't push yourself yet. You need time to absorb the stress of this year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]thanks! you're good!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:55 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Happy to help!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:57 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]hey, while you're at it... do you think I'll have a girl or a boy?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:02 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Girl first. Came instantly!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:08 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]thanks. we want 3 eventually and HOPE one of each!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yikes, I see girls all around you! Two, at least!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:42 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]awesome... ideally we want 2 girls and a boy, but would rather have 3 girls than 3 boys (I grew up with 5 brothers... want 1 boy but that's it!)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Will my dc get in to Hunter off the waitlist?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Honestly, can't tell. Not getting any feedback on this one. Sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:10 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Am I ever going to be successful in my current company? Am I respected where I am? Should I try and find a new position there?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:08 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I am getting mixed signs here. First, I don't think you are at the right place for you. Something about talent not being appreciated or that this isn't the right fit for your skill set. BUT, I am also getting the feeling that you should stay for a while and increase the length of time there for your resume and to get through choppy job market. It's not that you aren't respected, it is more that you aren't appreciated. Does that make sense?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:16 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Actually it does. Is there anything I can do while I am there to make it better (and maybe even protect my wonderful and talented team?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:18 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I keep seeing "bunker down." I guess that means that you should try to keep your head down and just work hard and stay out of the limelight for a while. Someone on your team will leave with you when you go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]thank you - you are really good. One last question I promise - how can I get along better with my boss, who I think has my best interests from a work perspective.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:25 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Tough question. I think your boss is under a lot of pressure right now. I get the feeling that you should stay out of the way and just keep working hard through this period. I don't think your boss has an issue with you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]so I guess I shouldn't expect to get promoted then ;)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Will DH and I start getting along better and understand each other more?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:11 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]As you indicate in your query, the issue is communication. He doesn't understand you, and you have trouble explaining yourself. This might sound strange, but I am getting the sense that you should try writing to each other instead of talking about critical issues because you will have an easier time communciating over email and really getting his focus.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ANy serious ideas on when econ crises will level off and begin to recover?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]When I think about it, I see a long path ahead. I keep seeing summer as an end, but the problem is that I can't be sure if it is this summer, or the next one!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:42 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
What will my DC's SB score be?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:42 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No clue, sorry. I don't usually see specific numbers and when I do they aren't necessarily in order so I don't want to scare you or get your hopes up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
When will dh and I be finally separated?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Ok, tough question. You are fighting about the terms of the settlement, right? Did someone file something in court?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:48 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]not yet. It's very complex, can't tell everything here, but basically I'll have to wait for few months to be able to file any papers, any idea when finally I'll be able to file papers and be free fro dh?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You haven't been living apart for a full year yet? Sorry, I'm a little confused. There is some technical legal reason for not filing? Is this an abandonment claim?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:56 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]we live under the same roof, because I can't file for separation yet, there's a technical legal reason for that, I just want to know when I'll finally be able to have them done and be able to file for separation and move .
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:00 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Ok, right. Got it. Here is what I am getting. You are going to file in march/april 2009, but there is some financial reason that will make it really hard to move. The filing of the papers won't result in financial settlement for a long time, maybe 6 months, so just filing isn't going to really change your living situation. For full disclosure, I'm having some fuzziness trying to read you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:08 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]that means we'll be living under the same roof for over a year? Jesus Christ! that will be a problem! and what kind of financial problem exactly, the idea would be pay the same as here but for 2 different places.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:29 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Actually I don't see you living together for another whole year, or even close. I just don't see the filing as connected to your ability to move, if that makes sense? What I see is some fight about money that is going to really strain your ability to settle down for a while. In other words, even after you file you'll have a hard time figuring out what your HHI will be for a while.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:40 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]More specifically -- I think you are going to move somewhere very temporary, maybe to a 6 month rental or a friend's home or something like that? I just don't see you settled for a while.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]makes sense, that's what I'm worried about, I won't know my HHI and won't be able to plan myself until this thing is totally resolved. I might have to move temporarily with whatever he offers since I'm a SAHM.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:48 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yeah, ok. That is exactly what I'm seeing. I see you very frustrated with the progress but otherwise pretty happy, honestly, in your new life. I clearly see a temporary move.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:52 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'll definitely be a lot happier far from my husband!lol ! this temporary move you feel will staying in Battery park city or moving to Roosevelt Island or somewhere else?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]if you're leaving now, I want to thank you for your time replying! thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 11:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
will my beautiful, smart, caring son get into Princeton or MIT even though he attends pubilc not private?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ha ha. i went to one of the above and many of the smartest, coolest people there were from NYC public. that said, no read on your son re: actual college. i get the sense that he is really smart and is going to do something with his hands. architect, maybe?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Am I pregnant?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:30 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No, I'm sorry, I don't think so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:35 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]really? just did a transfer a few days ago
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hum. Not getting pregnant vibe but I am never 100% accurate so keep your hopes up, you will be pregnant soon if this transfer didn't stick. Is it possible that you aren't technically pregnant yet but could be soon? I can't tell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Walked away from laptop, saw that you will be pregnant really soon and wanted to tell you to please stay positive and maybe do yoga or meditation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:53 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You're funny. Thanks
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what's it going to be like for me when DD #2 arrives in 6 weeks (marriage-wise, etc)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:30 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Hum. Having a hard time reading you. Is your dh struggling a bit with baby #2?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]yeah sorry vague question. DH didn't struggle with baby #1, he just went right back to living life the way it was pre-baby...he's better now, but I'm worried that having two kids is going to drive us apart (I'm SAHM, he works at a hedge fund).
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, I almost get the sense that the frustration is more on your side. Can you try to talk to him about a plan to keep your connection strong after new baby comes? Get the sense that he isn't a bad guy, just a bit clueless (in the way that many...most? men are).
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Will DH be laid off?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:31 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No, but his bonus will be hit hard and others around him will be laid off. Tell him to keep his head down until March.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He has another opportunity at a different firm--should he pursue it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]PS, I ? you, psychic mom.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:39 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Huh? Don't understand, sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:41 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
No. He should stay put. Strong feeling.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:42 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
will i have a vbac in march? will i have another ds or dd?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]DS. I see a BFP within 8 months and feel that you should keep your chin up. Does that make sense?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:43 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]no??
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 04:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
DH was laid off 3 months ago. Finance. When will he find a job?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:39 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Definitely not until next year, I'm sorry. Won't be far off into the new year, though. He is thinking about something totally different, right? Getting the feeling that he should be open to a different path and that it might make him happier.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:46 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]He is thinking seriously about starting a small gig of his own. Should he pursue it? Will it make him happy? Will it succeed?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:48 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]That's definitely it. YES. He might not do it for a while, I kind of see him going back to a bank or something bank-like, but that it will percolate and eventually he'll really focus on that. I think he will be happy. I don't see massive success but I see happy life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:56 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Will I be back at work soon again?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Getting after the new year for you, too. Are you switching fields as well? Hope I'm not mixing you up with poster above yuo!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:46 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Will my ds be happy with the school he'll end up?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:45 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yes. You will be, too, if not at first -- eventually you will feel like it was the right place.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Gotta run, folks. Will try to check in again at a later date. Best wishes to all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I am pregnant, just got good news on all the tests, I am 42. Unplanned but I am happy. We don't know the sex yet - DH wants to know, says 'no more surprises please' LOL. Did not find out with DD, all I wanted was a healthy baby and thankfully she was and is. For DH though I will find out whenever the next opportunity is. Any sense girl or boy? TIA
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:52 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Ok, last one for now and unfortunately I can't tell! No clue at all, I'm sorry! I keep getting pulled in both directions, and that either means I can't read you well or...ta da...twins! Congrats, though! I'm getting "healthy" so that's good!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Will I have 1 kid or 2?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 11:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Will we have another child?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]When will I get pregnant with #2? Boy or girl?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Will I get it together to write a book?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Will our school director forgive us for complaining about the pirate costumes?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 08:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]will my dd get into a tt school? will my business be financially successful soon?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Any advice for my chronic messiness? It's become a serious issue in my marriage. I've... 64 replies
- ^^oops. here: said she's sahm...
Talk : : November 14, 2008
Any advice for my chronic messiness? It's become a serious issue in my marriage. I've hired professional organizers twice to no avail. I just can't seem to keep a handle on clutter or find a way to fundamentally change the way I live, as in find a place to put stuff away or throw stuff away. I'm not doing crazy need-a-shrink hoarding (or at least the organizer didn't think so), but I just always have a messy house with stuff lying around. DH hates it, but yet continues to want me to be the one to take the lead in cleaning up, so it never happens. Says he gets frustrated that I never take the initiative. I just don't get it/see it/know how to change it. The laundry can sit in the hallway for days and it just doesn't bother me. Yet I go to friends' houses that are neat and clutter free and wish ours could be that way. Of course it's gotten much worse since the kids. Books? Websites? Anything?
64 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.14.08, 06:48 AM [ Flagged ]what happeend after the organizers left? did you just not use the systems they set up? there are lots of books about clutter and websites, but like a lot of things if you aren't committed to change nothing will happen. i've recently been workingon this myself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:00 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]The first didn't really give me any systems. She just tried to help me clean off my desk. The only thing I remember learning is that you should keep a pad by each phone in the house. ;-) The second did show me a system (SPACE) and we organized my hall closet and pantry, but I've fallen down on keeping up with it. It's like the disorganization is such a fundamental part of who I am. Neatness is just not in my makeup and requires so much effort that I get overwhelmed. I really do have the desire to change, but I'm lost. And doubtful my dh will spring for another organizer. (I'm a SAHM.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:04 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]pay yourself what you paid those professional organizers. maybe that will give you some motivation
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:06 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]is your issue that you want mess, or that you want to SEE everything? sometimes the problem is that orgnizers want to close things off, and a lot of us get nervous when we can't see our stuff.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I don't want mess at all. And it's not that I want to see everything. I just let stuff lie around.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]well, you say you don't want mess but you have it and you don't try to get rid of it, so on some level you do want it. which is OK, some of us are more comfortabel that way. everythign has to have a place, first. once things have places, you have to put them back -- ten minutes at teh end of the day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You have to get rid of alot of stuff first of all. Then you have to get a routine of cleaning up every day, after each meal etc. Clean up toys in the evening, run the vacum cleaner over. I do this and I don't have a cleaner. I minimalize all the crap I have around me, vacum pack clothes in space bags or toss/give it away. My main advice is to not wait until you have to spend 4-5 hours to clean, just to it constantly (but less). Do one room at the time. E.g clean the bathroom one evening after dh is asleep, kitchen floor the other etc. etc. I also don't save up a bunch of laundry, but on my way out with dh. I grab a bag of laundry/towels and just put it on. I try to avoid housecleaning for the weekends, because that is our time togheter or I just have 2 hours to do something.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:07 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]first thing i'll say is not to bother with any books. i have found them incredibly unhelpful. this is something you need to think about for yourself. before i offer any more advice can you tell me how old your dcs are. do you woh. and is this an apt or a house. if an apt, how big.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:10 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]DCs are 4 and 1. I SAH. It's a 3 br house.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i was an incredibly poor housekeeper and here are some of my thoughts on your issue. first of all, it's very hard when you have kids under the age of 2. so cut yourself some slack. part of my problem is that i live in a small apartment and there is not place for everything. but i did set up some rules that helped a lot. garbage goes out every night, whether the bag is full or not. that kept things from piling up. beds are made, even if you end up dumping a lot of clothing on them after they are made. there were one or two more very simple, not very time consuming daily things. but they made a big difference. (i don't want to get cut off so i'll add more in another response.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:23 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]^^^the next thing that helped a lot was dealing with the quantities of clothing. i bought a huge rubbermaid container and started with dcs dressers. i took out one weeks' worth of clothing for each of them adn put it on the side. then i picked two or three extra outfits for each, including an extra sweater, etc. so each kid got three drawers: one with underwear and pajamas, one with a weeks' worth of clothing, one with the extra clothing and sweater. everything else gets put away in the rubbermaid container which gets closed and put on the side for now. do the same with your own clothing. set aside one weeks' worth of clothing and then throw everything into a container. you can always open it to find something you need but this will cut down on clutter and cut down on laundry (which is its own clutter).
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:28 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]third issue is the marital thing. talk to your dh. you are obviously not going to keep a spotless house. but you understand it's important to him. you (together) have three options. 1. hire cleaning help on a regular basis. 2. leave things as they are. 3. compromise in some way. You can compromise by keeping one area of the house really neat or by staying on top of one issue (e.g. have your bedroom neat all the time. or always be on top of laundry. or always be on top of dishes)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:33 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]^^and one last thing. go through the house every tuesday night and throw out seven to ten things. whether it's a pair of child's suspenders you were keeping just in case. or a container you once bought soup in that you are keeping just in case. or dc's game that's missing two pieces but he can really still play with it. or a decorative pine cone that looks really cute on the shelf but always falls off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: This is really solid advice, thank you. He constantly says, "I've told you so many times how upset this makes me, how can you keep doing it?"But I feel like I'm not doing it on purpose, I just don't realize that I'm doing it. Or I don't know how to stop.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i think it's great that you want to address it with him. if you decide to compromise in some way, suggest to him that he also put in an effort. is he willing ot put away the laundry if you fold it? is he willing to throw in the laundries if you put it away? is he going to load the dishwasher or put the dishes away?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I have to be honest: my apartment was messy when I was single. I worked at home -- piles of paper all over the floor, etc. The kids have only exacerbated the underlying issue. Can't blame them, unfortunately.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:33 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]that's fine. i was the same way. but i found it very odd b/c having kids first made my messiness worse and then made it better.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:35 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
she said she's sahm
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
you need to go room by room, space by space and get it clean. will probably take a week. Hire a baby sitter or get kids out of the house. Every single thing has to be in its permanent spot at the end of that week. You will need many trash bags. Create bags of trash/bags of things to give away/things to sell. You have to commit to it and put it all in place to start with. Then, you literally have to put the thing back into its place when you are finished with it. Everything has a home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:12 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]first you need to declutter. then you find a plce for aht you have left and stuff goes there. for decluttering, look here:
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]^^oops. here: http://christinekane.com/blog/9-seemingly-logical-excuses-for-clinging-to-clutter
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]great site. thank you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP: Let me refocus. I'm not talking about day to day cleaning. I'm talking about messiness. I'm sitting in my dining room and there's just crap everywhere. Bowls on top of the buffet because they don't really "go" anywhere. DVD cases that need to go to Blockbuster. A kid's sock. And I also really need advice on how to handle DH. This is the only issue we ever fight about and I feel like crap. He said if I were his assigned college roommate he wouldn't sign up to live with me again. :-(
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:18 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]1. get rid of the crap you don't need; 2. crate places fro teh crap you have; 3. explainto dh that ou are trying but he has to understand this is hard and also, you aren't sure what he really wants.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Well why don't you start to clean instead of sitting on UB? You can't just complain, you have to do something about it!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Cut a girl a little slack, will ya? I'm trying to read responses! But you're right. I do waste a lot of time surfing when I could be cleaning up. But again, I get overwhelmed. I start and there's just so much to do I get disheartened. It's like throwing raindrops into the ocean.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:23 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]pick ONE small thing and clean it off. the top of your buffet, one drawer, one closet. thenone more thing, maybe tomorrow.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:25 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I am the person who posted above about going room by room. In my house (now) all horizontal surfaces are kept clear - Everything goes somewhere. You have to create those homes for those things or make them go away for good. bins are good for the kids stuff - just pile their stuff from the main areas into the bin and take to their rooms and put away. you do have to stay on top of it, it isn't easy but it is doable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Never put something down unless it is away. No "I'll put it here until..." Everything away. And I do this in my workshop when it gets messy: every visit put four things away. Even if I go down there for a screwdriver, I make sure I put four things in their rightful place before I walk out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:29 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Thank you all so much. And keep it coming -- I'm soaking all this up. Part of the problem is I'm an accomplished, smart woman, but I feel as though this is really beyond me. I just don't "get" it. I really need my hand held and told exactly what to do. Which is why it's so hard when DH is pissed -- he's asking me to take charge of something I just don't know how to do. I feel like he's mad at me for being nearsighted or something. It feels that unfixable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:31 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]tell him that. and it may be true, you just don't think that way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:35 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OR (and a dh): is there a way you could take other domestic stuff on and shift some of this to him? I used to get pissed that my dw was so bad at doing laundry. Then one day I said, "Ya know what, how about I just do the laundry?" Simple answer. Problem resolved.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: Well, then we get into the guilt that he's the breadwinner. The house is my "job."
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I never understand this. You guys are a family. You do what is necessary to make your family happy/comfortable/etc. I was gonna write "If you don't tell him how to do his job..." and all kinds of stuff but that isn't the answer either. You guys need to just talk. Tell him, "This is not something I'm good at. I've tried. If it is an issue for you -- you need to be part of the solution."
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
do you realize you've just spent almost an hour chatting about your messy home?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]don't bash her for that.i jsut did a major declutter and i had to talk to my bf about it for weeks before i pulled up my socks and got on with it. for soem of us this is hard.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:40 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: Great, so now I feel guilty on top of already feeling like shit about this. I was just looking for help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't feel bad. BTW, if you can stand it, flylady is good for this stuff.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:45 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
But you don't need anyone to hold your hand to clean? You just have to start. Is there any other reason behind this? Boredom or deppression?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: A little of both, probably.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:40 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I think so as well, it can be hard to organize your life if you are a bit deppressed and it just feels so hard to get started. But just be aware it is a circle, you get deppressed also living in a mess. GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:46 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
you are totally overthinking this. you dno't need to create a system. you just need to do things instead of not doing things. throwing it out instead of keeping it. there's no "right way" that you need to discover or learn.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ingrid Bergman who was a notorious neatnik used to say, " never leave a room emptyhanded." This really helps.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1) throw out, sell or donate everything that you and everyone in the house has not worn in the last year, goodwill, consignments stores, ebay etc 2) clear all surfaces of bick a bracks, if you don't miss them in a month throw then out or sell them
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:40 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]My sister was like this, but honestly it was mostly her being lazy. It does not take alot of iq to clean/organize your home, it is just to start doing it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]3) do not buy alot of holdiay gifts, in my house 1 per person, and it all has to fit and e wrapped in one box. This means one toy per kid. 4)go through mail and pay bills, file and throw out every day, no mail piles up 4) get rid of all of your books. This is controversial but I mean books like paperbacks, college books etc, sell and donate, only keep kids books on shelves in their room, select art books that are aesthetically pleasing, rest go to your office or your husbands. 5) clear the house 1 a month meaning 1-2 bags of stuff you don't use, donate, sell etc from closets, kitchen etc. 6) do not buy any clothes or toys for 3-6 months 7) adopt a "but one, throw one" policy, in our house if you buy a new tie you have to donate one, if I buy new shoes I get rid of a pair, keeps things controllable
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np: these are excellent points. #7 is the key to KEEPING things neat in an apartment. Its the hardest one to remember.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:59 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I'm perversely proud for starting such a popular thread, especially because I'm a total newbie here. Can I call myself "Messy Mom" from now on? ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:53 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]no, you want to be formerly messy mom!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:55 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]FMM. I like that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:58 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
ok but did you read the points I just posted and what do you think?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:55 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]great advice. thank you. I want to get a kitten and dh said I could if I threw out ten toys. ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:58 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
get off UB and start cleaning. put on some upbeat music. you'll feel far prouder
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:57 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'm going! I'm going! Of course now db will wake up...
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:59 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
As a former messy person, who is now decently neat, I have found that the most important thing is to have a "place" for everything. Without that, it's totally overwhelming b/c you literally don't know what to do. Go to the Container Store and buys tons and tons of their plastic bins in all different sizes. (You can always return the unused ones). And then start organizing - get rid of everything that doesn't have a place and buy whatever storage item you need for everything you have. Do one room at a time and go from there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:12 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]^^ My other great trick for regular cleaning - I have about 5-6 Whole Foods reusable grocery bags, one for each room / area of the house. When I'm tidying up, I go from room to room with the grocery bags and put all the mess that should end up in each room in the appropriate bag. Saves a ton of going back and forth and then if I don't have time to fully clean, at least it's in a bag and not lying around! I can put away what's in the bags the next day if I need to, and if I'm cleaning up kids toys after they're in bed, they have somewhere temporary to go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: My #1 piece of advice, teach your kids to clean up after themselves. When they are real young it takes a lot more time than just doing it yourself but it is an investment that pays huge dividends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: LOVE this tip!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 11:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
For your dining room: The bowls belong in the kitchen. Where in the kitchen? You decide. Maybe something you never use (blender?) needs to be moved into storage or thrown out. If the Blockbuster DVDs have been watched, put them by the door for dropping off later. If they haven't been watched, put them by the TV. The kid's sock is either clean (back in its drawer) or dirty (hamper). Just do this with each item!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP back for afternoon nap. ;-) This is, pathetically, exactly what I need. I can't explain why, but I just get overwhelmed and need someone to say "Put this here." Good news: I worked on the kitchen some this morning and cleared away some unused appliances and am about to go clear out and create a kids' silverware drawer, so those don't sit out on the counter any more.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Are you still watching this? My sister has a professional organizer who set up the systems come back once every 2 weeks or month for a few hours to keep up the system. I think you should seriously consider this. Sometimes just having someone work with you for 2 hours/month is all you need to keep a handle on clutter.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I say, Bless you and your mess. I am very, very neat and very organized and see little benefit. I wish I could let the laundry sit etc. I think being neat and organized is overrated. I don't think I am nuts about neatness, at all - I am just neat and organized. But I also think life's too short to always be putting stuff away, you know what I mean? Your DH should be happy you aren't running around always straightening up, that is annoying too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Put everything that is not either beautiful or useful into boxes. Put the boxes in storage. In six months, go the storage unit, look through the boxes. If you didn't need or think about the items in the boxes, donate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 11:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I hate my messy house, and wish it was nice and neat. However, it seems like I have all these random items scattered all over the place. It seems that I just dont know where to put them. I get so overwhelmed and end up giving up. It feels like I want EVERYTHING to have a place, but i just cant find one for it. thankfully once in a while my partner helps me out, since he's better at organizing them me. Im still trying to find a solution.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Wall Street wife with laid off DH here: Thinking about getting a job waiting tables. ... 108 replies
- about losing my job. My children are also in private school and I understand your concern. I haven't told anyone at school yet and I know that when I do, there will be a huge group who just won't understand that becoming a SAHM is just not an option for our family. To be honest with you, I would try to work somewhere where you are unlikely to see the families from your school. But also realize that in this economy, restaurants are hurting and I don't know...
Talk : : November 14, 2008
Wall Street wife with laid off DH here: Thinking about getting a job waiting tables. I waited before I got married and it seems like the best way to make the most money fast. I want to work in an upscale place because 1. I can make more money and 2. I won't get harassed by drunk male customers. The one thing that worries me is how it will feel when I have to wait on people I know, especially people from my DCs school. What would you think if you went to a nice restaurant and your waiter was a parent from your kids' school? One you'd always known as wealthy? Ultimately I'm going to do what I have to do and not take this into account when making a decision about work, but it still bothers me that this is going to happen.
108 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.14.08, 12:21 AM [ Flagged ]sorry for dh being laid off. without going into what you have saved for this rainy day (wall st director/md?) - i think you just do what you have to do. I will advise that getting a rest job these days could be really tough so don't assume that option will even be there. restaurants are getting hit too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 03:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Ditto - restaurants not hiring. I think you need to look elsewhere.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Bravo for you, for jumping in to support your family when times get tough!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 04:04 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I would think that your dh was laid off and that you were working to pay the bills. Nothing more, nothing less. And give you a really nice tip!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:14 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]... and gossip behind your back, of course
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're a freakin bitch. Give this person some credit for trying to do the right thing. Props to her. And you should watch YOUR back, b/c if you think like that, you'll get yours in the end. Stupid bitch.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:47 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]chill lady. she was just being honest which is what op wanted to know. people gossip about everything
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:55 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:57 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Jeez Louise. Don't tell me that you will not be somehow curious about what happened and run to your girlfriends and tell them who you just saw at Per Se? No, no, not at the table next to you. As your server!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:16 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]WHOA SALLY. I am the or who said I would think your dh was laid off and they you were working to pay the bills. Nothing more, nothing less. A TROLL posted the part about gossip. I can't believe anyone fell for that. I don't gossip. And anyone who would go out of their way to answer a post in the manner that I did - wouldn't follow it up with such a rude ridiculous comment. So, the next time you want to respond by calling someone a bitch - stop, think and realize its most likely a troll and that is EXACTLY the reaction they are trying to get you to make. Come on moms!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:39 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]This reply makes you no different than the person who replied "You're a freakin bitch".
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:42 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I don't think the bitch comment was directed to you; your post was not offensive. the gossip post was b/c it has malice behind it, not sympathy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Exactly. I would feel sympathetic and also admire you for doing the best thing for your family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 11:29 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Don't assume the nicer the place, the better the tips. Sorry you have to go through and good for you for taking a step to think how to fix things in the short term.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]There ought to be no shame in working to support your family. I'd think the same or probably better of you for doing it. (An aside, by the time everything gets pooled, don't assume that the wait staff in the upscale places always make the best money. You get a place with a really good kitchen where you can turn the tables four or more times per night and where you don't have to tip out runners and everyone and you can make some really good money in a modest place.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 05:59 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]maybe focus on a restaurant w/more of a business clientel where it may be less likely to see them?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:18 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]just find a restaurant on the opposite end of school
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:24 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]why don't you work at hermes or other upscale store? or with anything to do with luxury? because this segment needs people like you, that knows and understands the wealthy people needs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]actually ...can I give you a really good tip? (one that I would do if I could shop there with db and was desperate for money), you can buy stuff at century 21 like the dolce gabanna sunglasses that are selling now for $49 and sell on ebay a little less than full price, people from all over the world would be your clients on ebay regardless of recession here and they will think is a great deal to buy that sunglasses for $100 considering full price is $180...got it? sshhhh don't spread this idea too much! lol
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:32 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]there was a chloe bag that end up selling at $250 at century 21 and it cost at saks $2k, it's authentic and if you sell a deal like this for $600 is amazing %profit and people will be fighting biding for your stuff, you can also sell some of your stuff you don't wear. you work from your computer in your house .
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Writer mom who posted below. This is a really good idea. I would do something that keeps you more out of public view.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np: i doubt she's gping to make as much money working retail.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:10 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]The talk was ebay resale. If you know what to look for, you can do that pretty succesfully.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:17 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
not only out of public eye, but it's your business and like I said in the post below, you keep the receipt and whatever you don't sell you can get a refund within 30 days...I'm sharing this idea because I really want to help (this is the kind of idea we don't spread! lol)
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:31 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
the downside though is that if no one buys it, you're stuck with a pile of merchandise that you don't need and more debt. I'd rather have the money in my pocket from a real job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:18 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]or. hey! keep the receipt of the merchandise you get at century 21! you can try to sell for 30 days if you don't get a full refund! got it? you DON'T lose money!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:28 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Stores keep track of returns--any regular, large scale returns (especially of duplicate items) would be noted. (np)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:50 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
This is a Global Recession. This sounds like a bad idea.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita. friend of a friend works at chanel, straight commission, and he says he now makes in a week what he once did in a day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 02:47 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
There are nice restaurants in other parts of town, you know. People WILL talk. If that bugs you, then try to minimize it. Good luck. I'm thinking of working for Trader Joes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG so was I!!! Friendly atmosphere and was assuming an employee discount on groceries. That's too funny!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:23 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
You are not alone. I am a highlu credentialed professional and sometimes do receptionist type temp work to help pay bills. Good luck adn good for you! If things continue, we will also be out there hammering nails under Obama's New Deal
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:30 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I posted last night about losing my job. My children are also in private school and I understand your concern. I haven't told anyone at school yet and I know that when I do, there will be a huge group who just won't understand that becoming a SAHM is just not an option for our family. To be honest with you, I would try to work somewhere where you are unlikely to see the families from your school. But also realize that in this economy, restaurants are hurting and I don't know that you will be able to get a job as a waitress.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Chances are you won't be able to find a job at a "nice" place - only at places with high turnovers (if even then). Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 06:59 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]why are you in such financial straits if you're a wealthy Wall Street wife? shouldn't you have planned for the inevitable ups and downs of the market?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np Wondering the same thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:10 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]why do you want to pour salt on her wound here? It's obvious why she needs to wait tables: they're broke. Does she need to prostrate herself before you and explain all of the less than prudent financial decisions that she and dh made? She's trying to do the right thing and good for her!! You're just mean and nosy for wondering how a person who seemed wealthy wound up not so. Get used to it. It could be you next.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:22 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]doubt it. I'm not wealthy, and I don't live beyond my means. and my dh has been unemployed for almost a year, so I do know a little of which I speak. I think she was just looking for a chance to polish her halo. I can't imagine making wall street type money and not having stuff set aside to live on in case of a tragedy/disaster/layoff, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Exactly. That's why gossip will happen no matter what.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:43 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]and you were just looking for a chance to jump all over her for not being as prudent as you. mean!
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:02 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]it's called being an adult. no excuse once you have children.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:09 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
OP: We have a lot put aside for those situations, b ut that does not mean we should just live off of it until it is gone. I explained better below, but basically I feel it would be wise to start making cash for daily expenses. We have lived below our means all along, but wihtout any future earnings our mortgage and private school tuitions will not be possible. So while DH is working on the extremely difficult task of re-creating himself, I want to contribute what little I can by 1. Cutting expenses and 2. Earning spending money. I won't make enough for mortgage or tuition but I will be able to pick up other monthly expenses thus lessening the blow.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There's no reason not to support your family, but don't jump in too hastily. Really talk together with your husband about how it could affect his career in the future. My sister (who is a teacher) waited tables for a while because she needed more money to live on. It pissed the school off and ultimately ended up hurting her. And she was a teacher. I'm a writer--I moonlight at a company for health insurance and I keep it very, very quiet. I do think it would hurt my reputation with my clients. Just something to think about.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 07:07 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Not too be snarky, but how did you go from 'wealthy' to having to wait tables? don't you have money to get you through this time?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 08:57 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You don't sound snarky, just ignorant. Wall Street families get paid in bank stock and that stock (along with all other investments) are tanking right now. For some that is no big deal if they hunker down and cut spending and live off their salaries until the market turnds around. For others who have been laid off, we face the issue every month when we need cash to live on of having to take hundreds of thousands of dollars in losses just to sell off investments to get cash to live on. So did we save? Yes. At one point we had over a million in our portfolio. Now we have around 400 grand and while that is a lot of money, it is only enough to support us for 2 years with our mortgage and private school tuitions. So in an effort not to have to seel off loosing investments or loose our home or take our kids out of school, I will first try to generate enough cash to live on for a short time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 06:42 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Is your DH getting unemployment? It's only $405 per week, but that's $1600/month, which will help
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 08:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]We were just discussing that actually! He is going to apply this week. It will help a lot. We didn't fire our part time nanny (yet) and she costs 400/week. If he gets that from unemployment I might be able to justify keeping her. I already had to let our cleaning lady go and she cried. It was awful. It would break my heart to let our nanny go. She is like the kids' grandmother.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 01:58 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np I sort of felt bad for you until you mention the nanny that you haven't let got. I'm a banker's wife, too, and I have NO help at all--cleaning lady OR sitter. Was thinking I might hire someone in the next few months, but won't. Dh's job is stable for now, but I doubt he'll make half of what he did last year (in cash, anyway). Rather than handing your dh's unemployment check to nanny, you should be using it for expenses as either you or dh can be home with your kids right now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:18 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: That is the LAST thing I will do. I understand your feelings and respect them, but this woman is a part of our family and she needs us as we need her. It has nothing at all to do with DH or I being home with the children. The VAST majority of the time the p/t nanny is there I'm with the kids anyway and we're all together. This woman is a very important part of our lives and our chidlren's lives and we are important to her. If we fire her she will be without income in a market that is slow to hire. I am responsible for her as well as my real family and firing her is one of the last things I will do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 04:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You're so broke you're going to wait tables, yet you're going to keep your help? Somehow I'll bet you wouldn't pay her $400 a week indefinitely if she was for some reason unable to do her job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:58 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]You are wrong on all counts. We are not broke. We just have no income and so I am willing to do whatever I need to do to avoid depleting our savings to live. And if our nanny could not work we would take care of her as much as we could. She is a valuable part of our family and I love her very much. She loves my children almost as much as I do and that is a rare thing to find in a person. Such a relationship is valuable and not something to be tossed aside as soon as the going gets tough.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 10:50 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]LOL. Yet you wrote above "we didn't fire our part time nanny (yet)".
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 11:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]What's to LOL? I am beginning to get the impression that you are a mean person, or perhaps you are jealous of the wealth my family once had. I don't know why you would write LOL here. My statement was an accurate depiction of the reality of our situation. We have not fired her yet. I hope we never have to but I am not optimistic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 03:32 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Actually, our hhi is (for now) in the low 7 figures. Not jealous at all. Just couldn't imagine spending an entire unemployment check on help. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 08:19 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]And is there a reason you can't speak nicely?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 02:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Jesus lady you are one class A bitch. Why dont you get your BPP ass off this thread and let the real women talk?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 04:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'm a bitch because I think it's ridiculous for someone who's entertaining waiting tables to make ends meet to be paying a nanny $400 a week? OK.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 08:21 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No, that is not why you are a bitch. You see, I nice or helpful or secure person would express their thoughts in a nice, helpful and constructive way. They would RESPECT the woman they are talking to. Remember, all this publicity we are thrusting on our young men to "respect women" also applies to you. Your comments project a snippy, cruel and judgmental tone that does NOT project kindness or respect for humanity. You are entitled to your oppinion, but how you choose to relay it is your choice. You can be a human being about it, or you can be a negative and hostile bitch.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 05:13 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Wow. So nasty. I guess everyone who's living on savings and unemployment should have a $15 or $20 an hour nanny. Silly to think otherwise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Again, why do you need to use this horrible and mean tone every time you make a statement? If people are being nasty to you it is because of how you spoke to me up top. You started this. Don't start a fight and then whine when other women start giving it back to you. You should have been nicer about how you chose to state your point of view, especially since your point of view is such a negative and judgmental one to begin with. I mean, you come to the table bashing me for wanting to help my family without ruining the life of someone who is important to me, and you choose to do it with a hostile tone? And then you're surprised when the women here are in no mood for you? Wake up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 04:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^^OP, BTW
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 04:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Most of these posts are written in exactly the same style. At any rate, I find it odd that you think you'd "ruin the life" of a part time babysitter by telling her that she'll need to find a new job. Reality is reality--and if you're waiting tables, you're not in the demographic that needs a babysitter who costs you $1600 a month.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 04:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Need and want are two different things. And my "demographic" is one of a family with over 200 grand in the bank and a million dollar apartment. But either way, how I spend my money is NOT your concern and should in no way be a personal affront to you unless you are looking for a fight which I think you are. But enough about me, let's talk about YOU wonderful YOU. YOU my dear are not a nice person. YOU are the kind of woman other women do not like. And if you are NOT this kind of person then you pretend to be her on line and that my dear is sad and pathetic and slightly evil. Now go away and count your 7 figure income and find some other families to criticize. I'm through with you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 06:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Rock On.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hey OP, this poster reminds me of all those people who voted "yes" on prop 8. She's all up in you're business she really cares and is all pissed off about your choices when it doesn't effect her at all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 04:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Jesus Christ woman, this is a real person with a real family who is not jumping the gun to fire a valued member of her household. I'd hate to work for you if you think people's jobs are so unimportant!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What did you do pre-marriage for a career? Maybe you could look into picking that up again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.08, 09:25 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I would make much more money if I waited tables. Haven't been in the workforce for many years and since my goal here is cash in hand, not career development, it would be better to wait tables.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 06:43 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Well, I wish you luck as a WS wife myself. Don't let the naysayers and gossips get to you. Bitches are probably down on themselves b/c they know they don't have the gumption to do what you might do if it comes to it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 06:55 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Ignore the haters. Do the job, hold your head high, and be professional. You never know--in 6 months you could be running the place. There's no shame in earning money to support your family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 07:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Pretend you are planning to open your own cafe and this is research. say it with a straight face
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 07:17 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I'd rather be your friend, honestly, than some of the other women who responded. I would respect you more for your ingenuity and hard work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 07:21 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ditto!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:20 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]tritto. I think some people ARE going to be snippy but in the end what can you do about them. you can cover the groceries and that will really add up. Another idea is to maybe work at a daycamp/sleepaway to pay for that, a huge expense and I assume your kids go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:33 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Without naming the camp let me say that they have been SO AMAZING about this. I called just to ask if we could have an extension on the deposit and the camp director told me I could pay in installments and I could set it up however I want...a two year or three year plan, whatever. She said to come up with a payment schedule and email it to her and it will work for her. Such a doll. I can live just fine without a Hamptons vacation but I get really sad when I think about cutting things like camp and piano lessons and other stuff that the kids love.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 02:00 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
You sound like a good and caring wife, who is willing to do whatever it takes to help your family. Don't worry about what people think. My reaction, is that I would think more highly of you for your willingness to wait tables.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 09:36 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 02:01 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Exactly!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 03:07 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ITA. Your family is very lucky to have you. You are obviously a loving, responsible and practical person. You make me take a harder look at myself. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 04:50 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I TTTT A on this... Do your thing and help your family! I wish you all the best in this and your DH too...
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.08, 05:58 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I thought about this myself and ultimately passed. Can you get some office work somewhere? I used to wait tables too but sometimes people treat you badly and I just think it will mkae you feel terrible. Something about this combined with having kids sounds just way more painful. Could you be a tutor?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 05:14 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]I could tutor younger kids (like up to 5th grade....past that and I'd need them to tutor ME!) But I don't think I'd make as much.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]you do know that most tutors have degrees in education and the best have advanced degrees
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 06:44 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Nope didn't know that. Like I said, I'm interested in waiting tables. I just have a bachelors degree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 10:51 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np - But have you ever waited on tables before? Esp at an upscale restaurant?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 04:55 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yes I have very extensive waiting experience but it is all from over 10 years ago. I've worked in about 5 dif places as a waitress, one of them extremely high end. I also tended bar in two places but those were not very upscale, they were college joints.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 07:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Not to burst your bubble, but restaurants are laying people off too. 4 restaurants in my neighborhood closed in the last month. You are going to be facing competition for those jobs from people with CURRENT experience.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 08:28 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: I'm sure! Luckily I got a job today at a really nice place where the waiters make a lot of money. Thank goodness! The place was hiring and they had been having a hard time finding anyone they liked. The best part is that it's not in my 'hood, although I'm sure people will still show up when I start working Sat. nights. For now I'm doing lunches and 2 weeknights.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 02:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah, even in good times, jobs at the top restaurants, or even really good restaurants are really hard to get. There are a lot of out of work actors who've also got really good and recent waitressing resumes competing for those same jobs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 02:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well as I said before I guess it really wasn't an issue after all since I got a waiting job at a good place. Just lunches and 2 week nights for now but that's OK for me to start. I can request Thursday-Saturday nights when I'[ve been there a little while.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You sound like a great wife. Yes, it could be hard to wait on people you know, but if you just do it with a smile, let them say what they will. It's honest work and you're doing what you can to get by!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.08, 10:18 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]seems like a fake post although it does get ya thinking? perhaps a screenplay concept? an Alice Doesnt Live Here Anymore for our times?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 02:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: I wish this were fake! Seriously, you need to adjust your concept of "Wall Street Wife". We're not all high rollers. DH made a nice amount but we were never what I'd call super rich. We had a nice life. I hope we get it back one day. But you wouldn't ever look at me on an average day and think, "Oh she's loaded."
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Above, you make several references to "wealth" and being "wealthy".
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I understand your confusion. Yes, we certainly were wealthy although not by NYC standards which is the standard I suspect you are applying. In other words, we own an apartment and a car and have children in private school. I did not have to work. We took nice family vacations two or three times a year. We rented beach houses for one or two months in the summer. I had a cleaning lady once a week. So yes, clearly wealthy but not the richest one, especially in this crazy NYC world.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 06:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
write the screenplay! could get picked up, perhaps with Anne Hathaway as the lead and Aaron Eckhart as the laid off Wall street guy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Who will play the nanny?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, the nanny would only be in the first 10 minutes of the picture so, perhaps...............Tia Carrere (remember her?!)
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]or Vanessa Hudgens!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why? She's not being let go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Super Nanny
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP: I like the Aaron Eckhart idea but Anne Hathaway? What am I, 25? I'm thinking more like dana Delaney or that woman from Private Practice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 06:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ok, you want an older lead we'll give you Diane Lane. write the friggin screenplay already. i want a draft by monday morning!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 06:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Monday? OK...I'm on the case. You start looking for corporate sponsors.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 08:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Honestly, I think they will feel bad for you. Do what you must. Given how things are though, I don't think you will see too many people you know. Everyone's cutting back. I don't know why you're not getting an office temp job though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 03:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Only because I figured the money wouldn't be good. I could be wrong but for temping I'm envisioning $12/hour minus taxes. At a good restaurant you can take home $300 or more a night.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You sound like a great wife; your husband is lucky to have a gal as pragmatic as you. You guys will do fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I say go for it. There is "no shame in my game" when it comes to taking care of my family. I've never waited tables but one thing I could always do since junior high typing class is type my ass off. When we get into a fininacial jam, I can always find a job typing in crappy offices of all kinds even during a recession and make good money. Don't worry about if you run into another school parent. If they "knock your hustle" tell those simple bastards to mtob and keep it moving...then spit in their food. ;)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.08, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] if a dh wants shared custody (ie. 3 nights a week) and dh and i live in different bor... 25 replies
- Are you a SAHM?...
- in this case I don't know, you both work. In my case I'm a SAHM, so I make no money and I'm with dd all the time, my husband barely see dd when he gets home, too busy...
Talk : : November 13, 2008
if a dh wants shared custody (ie. 3 nights a week) and dh and i live in different boroughs, what does a jusge do? do they tell us where to live? will they not give shared custody? this is assuming dh and i cannot compromise.
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.13.08, 01:26 PM [ Flagged ]You guys should suck it up and live closer for the sake of your child. Sorry. Divorce is messy and expensive. How will the whole commute to school thing work? What a drag
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i know, and i have been sucking it ou-it would definelty be messy. On the other hand-should i just accept that I will have an unhappy marriage with no laughter, companionship or sex? maybe yes for my kids-i'm trying to figure it out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:32 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Fine to divorce, just live closer
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:34 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]as long as thy can both afford the same area, anyway, as far as I know the courts are not favoring joint physical custody these days, not best interest for the child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:37 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i think i ouwld die if i didnt at least get half custody. how does a jusge decide if the kids a re little and both are good parents?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:57 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]in this case I don't know, you both work. In my case I'm a SAHM, so I make no money and I'm with dd all the time, my husband barely see dd when he gets home, too busy with his phone and emails.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 02:05 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Do you have a lawyer?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:33 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]no. i'm in the information gathering stage. Does each side pay for their attny? How much could it cost for a couple who will agree on nothing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:35 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Are you a SAHM?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:39 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]no, both dh an I woh
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:54 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]^^but he make more then me. although he doesnt have a straight W-2 so he switches money's and claims losses,so there is never a direct answer for how much he earns.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:56 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]who takes care of the kids mostly?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:58 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]we both do. our parenting is very shared.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:59 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: i should have said the nanny-said but true. dh and I both work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:59 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]then, I guess you'll have to pay for an attny. Where do you live?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 02:01 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]bklyn
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 02:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I heard about a couple where instead of making the kids switch houses and turn their lives inside out every couple of days, the parents did. The kids stayed with the house and the parents stayed there on the nights they had custody. Seemed an incredibly grown up solution.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:40 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]np. like you said grown up, not the case of my husband!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:42 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]and what happen when one of them gets married? that's messed up for me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:43 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: i wonder if i dovorced, if I ever would remarry?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:54 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]maybe not remarry, but have someone to live with you at some point. You live in NYC?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:59 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Granted there are all kinds of "what ifs..." but at least for the first few years, while the kids get older, it makes life a lot easier for them. I'd like to think that if dw and I split, we'd be this mature. (I would also worry about her eating all my left overs.) -or
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 02:05 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: i would consider that option, but we would have to agree on a location (we dont agree on where to live, what school they should go to, etc...)
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 02:06 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]people are so immature when it comes to divorce you would be surprised.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 02:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Can you not do a week at a time, instead of dividing up the week? That would make the transition between houses easier, as it's on weekends, and aside from that you just have to figure out the logistics of transporting kids to school. It can be done, just takes a little effort.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.08, 09:25 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
[+] when your dh goes out with friends does he come home stinking drunk? and if so, how o... 25 replies
- Are you a SAHM? I don't think it is a big deal personally. SAHMs always need more attention....
- Sometimes, yes. Not that often and I always know what to expect depending on who he's out with. And to the poster above, SAHM's need more attention? What the f*** does that mean?...
Talk : : November 13, 2008
when your dh goes out with friends does he come home stinking drunk? and if so, how often does he do this.
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.13.08, 10:59 AM [ Flag ]Are you a SAHM? I don't think it is a big deal personally. SAHMs always need more attention.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:03 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]NP: no - not a stay at home mom at all...just annoying when he comes in and wakes me up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:12 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Could the mean people just shut up, please?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:23 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
no. i mamore likely to come home drink, but hopefully not stinking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:04 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]are you drunk right now?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:07 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP here - i go out much more than dh probably but when he comes home he has always gone over-board; wakes me up; drunk dials family members - i do not think this is normal for a 40 yo
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:13 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]It seems a little extreme to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:14 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]well, overboard to me is blacking out and puking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:15 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: very true - which i have done pretty recently so probably really shouldn't complain about dh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:31 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]yeah. does his family complain,though?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:38 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]they are starting to get annoyed and think it is odd as hell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:49 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]i agree its odd. i wonder if anyone has created a cellphone breathalyzer yet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:54 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
No, DH doesn't ever get drunk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:05 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]ditto
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:10 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]is he jewish?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:31 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]lol--great question--the husbands I know like this are truly all Jewish and also BORING
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 12:19 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
Sometimes, yes. Not that often and I always know what to expect depending on who he's out with. And to the poster above, SAHM's need more attention? What the f*** does that mean?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:08 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]Yes, a few times a year. I usually know when it's going to be "that kind of night". He doesn't go out alone nearly as often as I do, so it's not a big deal to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:36 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]no, but I do sometimes if I go out with the girls.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 11:37 AM [ Flagged | link to this post ]No, he doesn't. Nor do I.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 12:03 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]you guys sound like a whole lot of fun.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:10 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
A few times a year. The drunk doesn't piss me off as much as one friend who every time they go out insists that they go to a titty bar.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 12:05 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]that is sort of gross.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 12:31 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
The drunk level varies, but it happens about 1 every other month.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:02 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]OP: thanks - i guess he's not so abnormal after all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.08, 01:08 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
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