Just ordered Lost Odyssey from the marketplace, hope all goes well



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Liberals to unveil Afghan motion amendment

Last week, Prime Minister Stephen Harper's Tory government tabled a confidence motion calling for troops to stay in Afghanistan, in a combat role, until 2011.

The Liberals are expected to call Tuesday for Canada's combat role to end as scheduled by February 2009.

Liberals told The Canadian Press the amendment will address areas that they feel were ignored or largely forgotten by the Tory plan -- likely suggesting a greater focus on diplomacy, development and support, as opposed to combat.

On Monday, Liberal Leader Stephane Dion said he wants the mission to end in 2011, with troops starting to withdraw from Afghanistan by next year.

"Our position is that in 2011 the mission is over," Dion told reporters.

"And we need to make that clear otherwise NATO and the government of Afghanistan will assume . . . that Canada is setting for a never-ending mission."

Dion met with his caucus Monday evening to solidify the party's amendment to the Conservative motion.

Despite their motion, the Conservative government isn't willing to call 2011 a withdrawal date.

Government House Leader Peter Van Loan said the Tories don't want to tie the hands of future governments by specifying a hard-and-fast end to Canada's mission in Afghanistan.

Responding to a barrage of Liberal questions about whether the Conservatives are trying to set the scene for a never-ending war in Afghanistan, Van Loan said in question period on Monday that deciding an end date was not the most important task at hand.

"You cannot have peace and security in that country until we advance the mission we have," he said, adding that includes continuing in a combat and training role until Afghans are able to handle the own security.

NDP Leader Jack Layton, meanwhile, wants Canada to withdraw its troops immediately.

The Afghanistan motion is a confidence matter, meaning the government would fall and an election would be triggered if the opposition parties united to vote it down.

(Fuck Jack Layton)

----
Challenger

The 2008 Dodge Challenger SRT8 could well be the star of this 100th Chicago Auto Show. The highly-awaited production version of the Challenger concept, one of the big hits of the 2006 Detroit show, along with the Camaro concept, will beat its rival to North American showrooms in the current Pony Car Revival, since it is scheduled to be released to dealers in April 2008. Built on a shorter-wheelbase version of Chrysler's celebrated rear-wheel drive LX platform, specifically the iteration that underpins the Dodge Charger sedan, the Challenger is a limited-edition 2-door coupe that will be built in Chrysler's plant in Brampton, Ont. It is powered by the proven 6.1-litre, 425-horsepower, overhead-valve V8, exclusively mated to a 5-speed automatic gearbox.

What a beautiful car



Party

After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her
husband,
"Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to
women you are?"
The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."
The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party
tonight?"

---

Blind Dates

The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening
as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the
fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you
have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"
"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot
fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."

---

Canon

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

---

English is a Crazy Language

From: Charlie Indelicato

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index,
2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you
comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch
of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps
you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that
run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while
quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell
one day and cold as hell another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a
sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who
was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those
people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but
when I wind up this essay, I end it.

---

Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . " See
those guys over there ? " Chanowski says." I'm going over there and ask
them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting
at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One
of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then
walks back to his drinking buddy. " Well , what do they think of Polaks?"
he asks. "We're still number one , " replies Chanowski.

---

Great A Hot & Juicy Story

Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili
day on Coney Island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes on the sweetest little
tomato I'd ever seen. Let's just say I could tell she wasn't gonna be
ice-cold or taste like some of those cheaper spreads I'd eaten.
So I mustard up my courage and I whispered, "Hey, Mama Bird! You got a
sweet set of sesame-seed buns, and I'd live to bury my open-face in
your McMuffin snack pack. And maybe later I could drive-in my Jumbo
Jack in your Box. So, what's your name, anyway?"
"Wendy," she replied, and said that her buns were always hot and
fresh. Well, it seemed like an invitation to me, so I unzipped my
French-fly, pulled down my hash-browns and whipped out my
Quarter-Pounder.
She took one look at my foot-long Weinerschnitzel and said, "Holy
enchirito, what a Whopper! I haven't seen a sausage and a pair of
McNuggets like that since I was in the sack with Long John Silver over
at the Colonel's place, and I probably won't see another 'til Foster
freezes over. And believe me, I relish the thought of squeezin' the
mayonnaise right outta that big Sloppy Joe of yours."
I said, "Look, honey...those meatheads are just horseradish. I'm the
supreme Burger King around here. And by the way, aren't you hungry?"
"Yeah," she shot back, "I haven't even had my breakfast, Jack." It
wasn't long before she was munching on my Big Mac and eventually took
down the whole enchilada. I could tell I wouldn't be able to hold the
pickles or hold the lettuce much longer, so I just blew a whole gallon
of my lo-cal secret sauce to go. She took a big gulp and giggled,
"Oooh, that's fast food. A bit salty, but quality you can taste...and
finger lickin' good, too!"
She said, "So what's yer name, hot dog? Orange you Julius?"
"No," I replied, but you can call me Pizza Man, 'cause I deliver!"
Well anyway, I turned her around, tore off her wrapper, and wedged my
Big Boy between her patties and right up into her hot cherry bendover.
She screamed, "I FOUND THE BEEF, I FOUND THE BEEF!" which just gave me
the urge to keep pounding my SuperBurrito in and out...in and
out...and in and out...and in and out of her hot little micro.
Well, we were still playing Pup 'n' Taco , when she confessed her real
name wasn't Wendy...but Ronald.
Hey, it wasn't my bag, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about
taking her over to see Dr. Pepper to have him pull a Carl's Jr. out of
her oven.
Yeah, little did I know that I had spend the night not with a saucy
little fish filet, but with a flaming Dairy Queen!

Hope you enjoyed, comments appreciated.