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We see it all the time. An executive is charged with a crime and his or her first line of defense is that the accused does volunteer work at church and is the office captain for the United Way.
This particular whiney defense is apparently based on the notion that people are either all good or all bad. We know this isn’t true, and have only to look in the mirror to prove it. But we tend to think that way about others. So if someone does one thing wrong, they must be all bad, and if they do a few things right, they must be all good. It’s easier, after all, than dealing with all those gray areas the alternative brings into play.
But we here at WOW know better. Years of tear-soaked experience have taught us that there are some reprehensible human beings who never whine and other basically good people who do it all the time.
And then there’s our choice for Whiner of the Week, Roger Clemens, who put on a virtuoso performance in front of a Congressional subcommittee last week looking into the allegations of the Mitchell Report that the Rocket’s red glare was at least in part fueled by human growth hormone and steroids.
Clemens adopted the three-hanky line of defense to the charges brought by his former personal trainer, Brian McNamee. The reason we should believe him, Clemens whined, is because his father died when he was young, he was raised by his mother and grandmother, he tells kids to avoid drugs and he’s proud to be an American and a personal friend of the Bush family.
It was as impressive as it was meaningless. No one argues that he’s worked hard and helps kids and gets a lump in his throat when the flag passes in parade. But that isn’t the question, which is whether he used steroids. Another question now is going to be whether he lied to Congress and engaged in obstruction of justice.
And all the whining in the world isn’t going to help him fight those charges.
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Dishonorable mentions:
Willie Gary
The former Ram, a member of the team that lost the 2002 Super Bowl to New England, has filed a $100 million lawsuit against the Patriots because, he said, the Pats spied on the Rams last walk-through practice, said spying depriving said Gary of a Super Bowl trophy. What’s next, the 1951 Dodgers suing the 1951 Giants for stealing signals from the center-field scoreboard at the Polo Grounds?
Arlen Specter
The Senator from Pennsylvania is back after calling NFL commissioner Roger Goodell down to Washington to grill him about the Patriots and Spygate. What elevates this to whining is the fact that the top two contributors to Specter’s campaign coffers are Comcast Cable, which is locked in a battle with the NFL over who pays for the NFL Network and the law firm that represents Comcast. This seems less a search for justice than a payback for those donations.
Devean George
The Mavs want to trade him to New Jersey for Jason Kidd, but George blocked the trade by invoking his no-trade clause. We’ve always objected to such obstructionism. The team doesn’t want you, Devean. And what’s so bad about New Jersey? We mean other than the fact the team isn’t very good? And it’s moving to Brooklyn? There are worse places to go, and as soon as we think of one, we’ll tell you where it is.
Patriots’ fans
If we’re going to get on folks like Specter and Gary for whining about the Pats, we’ve got to give a segment of Patriots’ Nation their day of infamy for continuing to whine that the officials mismanaged the clock during the Giants’ winning drive in Super Bowl XLII. That is so two weeks ago, guys. Give it up already.
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