| Penn & Teller PCC articles by Penn Jillette | Reprinted with permission. |
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Wake up, the culture of WCW (it stands for
"World Championship Wrestling")
is colliding with the culture of PCs (which may stand
for "Politically Correct" judging from some of the letters we get
here but it really stands for "Personal Computer." Does that mean
this magazine is kinda called "Personal Computer Computing?" Which
is at least a little less redundant than PIN Number [Personal
Identification Number Number] or Shrimp Scampi ["shrimp shrimp" {or
to Italians "Scampi Scampi"}]). Now there's computerized
wrestling.
WCW thought they might be able to get some ink in the legitimate press with this computerized wrestler hook. They sent a video and a magazine to Michael Edlehart of this magazine and Mike sent the package, unopened, to me. So much for the dreams of legitimate press. I've seen a pro wrestling stadium show live and it was stupendous, some of the best staged, coolest looking theater I've ever seen with more intellectual content in an arena show than David Byrne, Sinead O'Connor and Paul McCartney all put together (and those three in a "cage grudge match" is something I'd pay cash money to see). Maybe you don't hold pro wrestling in that much esteem. You're probably remembering the creepy cretin who said to you once during an easily avoided embarrassing argument, "Oh pro wresting is fake, huh? Well, I'd like to see you say that after 5 minutes in the ring with El Gigante and his potentially lethal claw hold, Four Eyes." I watched the video and I read "Wresting Wrap-up." I told the PR guy at TNN in Atlanta that I was a cub reporter and he got me a phoner with Alexandra York, the "computer genius behind the York Foundation." She doesn't wrestle, she stands ringside and coldly types a couple of keystrokes into, what looks like, a broken Radio Hovel laptop. Muscle man Terrence Taylor does the wrestling. Wresting holds the mirror up to nature in a very goofy way. There are wrestlers called Sting and Sid Vicious ("I've got an idea, let's name you guys after British rock stars - one pretentious - one dead"). And now they got a PC user in the game and we can learn that wrestling fans don't have a very high opinion of us computer weenies. When trying to recruit new wrestlers for her stable, Alexandra has found that most don't want to follow the dirty cheating un-American moves her computer prescribes. I can see their point, even knowing definitions 27 a and b of "boot" feels a little hoity-toity. I asked Alexandra questions about pro wrestling, her birthplace, her training, what programming language she used, what help the computer gave a wrestler and she answered every question honestly with intelligence, wit and a heavy Swanee River accent. She then made me promise not to print it. Okay, She doesn't have a traditional computer background but what am I going to do, tell you the computer/wrestling thing is all bogus? If I find a smoking gun that ties our President to delaying the release of Iranian hostages, I'll let you know, but this is wrestling for Pete's sake. I like her and I think you would too. It's nice to have her on our side. She's a heavy, a bad guy, and I like that. She wears glasses, she wears her long blonde hair up and she doesn't foolishly get in the ring where she could get hurt by sloppy choreography. She is our representative in the republic of big time wrestling. The only shameful thing is that she's only gotten one fan letter to date that looked to her like it was written on a computer. We can fix that. We can probably even write her REAL software that will do nothing. Let's get behind her, welcome her into our clique, we could do a lot worse than Alexandra York. If you need me, I'll be at Madison Square Garden with my thick glasses and my hair tied back. I'll be cheering for the York Foundation and I'll have my laptop up and running. It should be at least as helpful in the stands as it is ringside. |