| Penn & Teller PCC articles by Penn Jillette | Reprinted with permission. |
| ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| ||||||
|
I write pretty much what I want on this back page. I have to keep
each article around 650 words and they keep changing my titles and
sub-titles. But they have promised to stop "improving" my jokes.
In exchange, I've promised that I will never mention Uma Thurman's
name in my computer writing again. But this is the extent of the
compromise.
If I can't handle that much compromise, I have a standing offer to write for Outlaw Biker (very different perks but it might be time I got a brand-name-American-made-hog-logo tatoo). And if PC Computing doesn't like what I write, I'm sure David Copperfield would be more than happy to fill the back page if someone would just tell him that "boot" is something other than the thing with high heels that he can usually get on the correct foot after three tries. As I write this, I'm alone with MTV and a Media-Lab mug of decaffeinated Constant Comment tea. I'm writing exactly what I want you to read. On the other hand, movies and TV are nothing but compromise. Everyone, from the coffee-dog down, has an opinion: The network doesn't like the title. The executive producer wants more stars. The fascist liberal line-producer doesn't think spurting blood is funny. The only thing a committee can ever agree on is grey, so there's lots of grey on TV. But the worst thing about working in television is the editing - there's an editor sitting at a big dumb expensive machine and you don't experiment at 300 bucks an hour, you stick with grey. But there's a company that's changing that. There's a new machine that may give us real color TV. NewTek in Topeka, yes Topeka (the "yes Topeka" gag is right on their stationary) has done another one of those technological end runs around politics and conventions. They have invented the Video Toaster, desktop video. It costs around 1500 clams and works in an Amiga (I know you don't have an Amiga but if you want to play with video buy one, it's no big deal - it's just an Amiga for Pete's sake - you don't have to eat crow and buy a Mac). The Toaster does everything those pesky dinosaur machines do and you don't need any editor person in you face. You can do all those digital video effects you see on real TV yourself. It has a character generator, ChromaFX and Luminance Key (that's like blue screen so you can put things behind you that aren't really there - you can do your rap in front of a big nude picture of Uma Thurman). It has screen buffers so you can pull in pictures of, oh let's say, Uma Thurman and has a 3D animation thing and an incredible paintbox so you can doctor up those pictures or draw original ones and throw them right onto video tape. And, get this, it's broadcast quality. Rumor has it that some of CNN's Gulf War coverage was Toasted. This means one person can shoot footage of meat-puppets on HI-8 and, with a couple of tape machines and time base correctors, put out no-kidding television. The editing can be done in your home - alone. Once the set up is paid for, the editing is free. This machine is going to fill wedding videos with lots of 3D flying titles and "infinity slides" but, face it, we're going to have world peace before we have watchable wedding videos. I love playing with the Video Toaster but what really kills me dead is dreaming of a lot of people using Toasters. When it gets universal enough we'll have video that has the pure artistic white light/white heat of writing and painting - glimpses into another person's vision. Of course MTV will still show Robert Palmer - computers can't solve all our problems. |