2007 Flak Film Also-Ran Awards: The Steak Knives

We at Flak would never claim that the Steak Knives — our awards for the also-rans of the year in film, now in their third year — were anything other than a lark. But the spirit of the Steak Knives seems especially vital this year. On other electronic pages, writers are claiming that such grand box office failures as The Black Dahlia and Miami Vice are the greatest cinematic accomplishments of the year, and you will be hard-pressed to find an equally well-argued defense of your favorite film.

Here at Flak, we offer more of the same contentious spirit. For instance, the obvious pun when looking at one particular film that the awards-giving bodies have fallen over themselves to heap praise on would be Banal, but I think you get closer to the truth if you call it Babar — classic elephant art contemplating modern anomie. Who needs that when you have Stephen Himes' spirited defense of Rocky Balboa as great termite art that digs into Rust Belt rot, or David Essex's praise of The Hills Have Eyes as vicious, irony-rich satire about misbegotten American privilege?

To be eligible for the Steak Knives, candidates must not have been recognized by the Oscars, the Golden Globes, the Independent Spirit Awards or in the top tier of the Indiewire Critics' Poll (which picked up what the Village Voice saw fit to downsize). To see the ineligible nominees, click here. Patting the backs of the runners up this year are Aemilia Scott, Andy Stilp, Chris Shadoian, David Essex, James Norton, Sean Weitner and Stephen Himes. New categories will be posted all week.

Second-Best Actor
Second-Best Actress
Second-Best Screenplay
Second-Best Director
Second-Best Picture

— graphic by Derek Evernden (derek@ocellus.net)