Dear Vicki and Octavia

Our mother and daughter agony aunts answer your questions

Dear Vicki and Octavia,

The doctor has told my 29-year-old son that he is overweight. In an effort to encourage him to lose weight I've tried coaxing, lecturing and emotionally blackmailing, but it's all counterproductive. I'm his mother: I can't give up on him when his health is at risk. So what should I do?

Vicki Since (in my experience) mothers of grown sons don't chaperone them to GPs' surgeries, I imagine he went on his own, complaining of some other ailment. When he reported back, 'Oh, and he told me to lose weight,' you could have said immediately, 'How much and by when?' Your subsequent nagging would have looked like an action plan to avert imminent medical emergency. My advice now is to drop all talk of how much he's scoffing and quaffing and find another ailment (ingrown toenail? Warts?) to get him back to the GP. Who will weigh him again. Then get straight back to Plan A.

Octavia Obesity is going the way of smoking in our society, which means we'll soon be able to hound fatties like we do the shivering addicts huddled under heater lamps outside. A brilliant step towards culling another plague on society, or the persecution of downtrodden individuals? Either way, it's going to get harder to be fat. Your coaxing, lecturing and blackmailing sound a bit namby-pamby to me - more direct viciousness is needed. Speak roughly to your little boy. And get his girlfriend onside, too, if he has one. And if he doesn't, point that out.

Dear Vicki and Octavia,

My husband and I hardly ever fight and have been together for 15 years. He's always been very gentle. After a row last week, however, he confessed that he'd felt a strong urge to hit me; he was ashamed and wanted to be open about it. Should I be worried or has he just been honest in a way most men wouldn't dare?

Vicki I wish people would record these worrying conversations: I'd like a transcript. How did you respond to 'I wanted to hit you', 'I'm ashamed' and 'I wanted to be open about it'? If all you did was to thank him for his transparency, I'm not surprised you're worried. ('Should I be worried' means 'I'm worried'.) You're implying that this hint of violence in your 'very gentle' man is intriguing - almost daring. Don't kid yourself. Men. Don't. Hit. Women. 'Most men' have never hit a woman. Time to talk again, I think. You need to get to know your spouse of 15 years.

Octavia When Amy Wino was spotted with cuts and bruises, people leapt to the conclusion that naughty husband Blake was to blame. (Actually he'd found her self-harming and doing drugs. Durr!) Men get a bad rap, so I think 'honest in a way most men wouldn't dare' is a bit misrepresentative. Not being a man, I asked mine if men usually think about hitting their lady-friends or if it's just yours and he said just yours. But feeling an urge to hit is a long sea mile from actually thumping you, so I don't think you should be worried, no.