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Onion Radio News
- String Of Nine Missed Periods Ends Spectacularly
- Cookies Mysteriously Disappear From Police Evidence Room
- U.S. Laundry Situation Upgraded to Critical
- Opinion: This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say
- U.S. Military Wasting All Its Victories On Notre Dame
- Study Finds Working At Work Improves Productivity
- U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms
- Overfunded Public School Forced To Add Jazz Band
- Opinion: This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say
- U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms
- Video: Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man
- Americans Announce They're Dropping Out Of Presidential Race
- U.S. Military Wasting All Its Victories On Notre Dame
- Law Firm To Purchase One Of Those Big Leather Chairs
- Desperate SNL Releases 'Best Of Melanie Hutsell' DVD
- Radio News: String Of Nine Missed Periods Ends Spectacularly
- Do Today's Youth Have What It Takes For Today's Video Games?
- 7-Eleven Shareholders Approve Sale Of Busch Light Six-Pack
- Radio News: String Of Nine Missed Periods Ends Spectacularly
- Opinion: This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say
- U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms
- Americans Announce They're Dropping Out Of Presidential Race
- Video: Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man
Features
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Sunday Magazine
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National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- DES MOINES, IA—The town council passed a resolution Tuesday condemning the stink wafting in from West Des Moines.
- GENEVA, NY—Standing before her full-length mirror, Jenny decided she had the look of a small-town girl who could be discovered by a movie director at a food court.
- HERMISTON, OR—A mysterious tumor was discovered at the base of Timothy Rost's spine last weekend, but everyone was relieved when it was discovered that the tumor was just placed there as a joke by his younger brother Bobby.
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This Day In History
Nov. 9, 1960
John F. Kennedy's Dad Defeats Nixon
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Sunday Magazine
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Stockwatch
Shares in the parent of Taco Bell were up slightly on the heels of a government report that forecast an increase in the market price of a barrel of tacos.
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Sunday Magazine
IN FOCUS: France
Issue Highlights
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Web Of Intrigue Growing Tedious
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New Study Links Obesity, Hilariousness When Falling
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Being Into Wilco Put On Resumé
From our News Partners
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AV Club