Rudy Giuliani's Best Friend Will Be Indicted, Too

Rudy Giuliani’s best friend, future Secretary of Defense Bernard Kerik, has led a colorful life of being a convicted criminal, New York mobster and sex creep. Bernie also almost got the best mafia job of all, thanks to Rudy: handing out gazillions of federal dollars to “the family” as Bush’s director of the cash-cow Homeland Security Department. And now, once again, Kerik’s going to be indicted — this time by the Feds. more »

1:34 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY KEN LAYNE
1,855 views, 25 comments

categorical denials dept.

John Edwards Did Not Have Sex With That Hippie

John Edwards was stupid enough to deny reports from the National Enquirer that he had an affair with that nutty hippie. Reporters asked him about it yesterday and he said it was “completely untrue” and “ridiculous.” So we’re done with the part where “real” reporters refuse to mention the story at all until its sorta “reported” in a “disreputable” tabloid (or website!) and we can move on to the nonstop meta-media “what have we become” handwringing part where we all keep hearing about this “ridiculous” story over and over again until they give John Edwards his own Nobel prize! more »

10:49 AM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY PAREENE
2,335 views, 21 comments

Latest by Eac_o_System: Convincing others of John Edwards being too sly to be president of the United States begins here!!! more »

possible sex scandal dept.

Did John Edwards Sleep With This Lady?

Oh, that John Edwards sex scandal thing? It might have been planted and tended with care by the Huffington Post, sort of. Someone gave Sam Stein (former Newsweek intern-turned-HuffPo Political Journalist extraordinaire!) the story of some TOTALLY MYSTERIOUS VIDEOS that disappeared from John Edwards’ website. First it was a mere mysterious mystery — why would the Edwards’ campaign scrub all traces of these harmless, complimentary “meet the candidate” videos? Then it was a totally mysterious mystery involving a nutty, directionless hippie chick whom Edwards met in a bar. more »

12:13 PM ON THU OCT 11 2007
BY PAREENE
11,617 views, 44 comments

Latest by trebor: The flakey hippie chick is anorexic. She probably deflated Edwards' ego with her protruding points and paid the price. more »

bride of decider

Laura Bush vs. Burma

What does a lame-ass-duck administration do when basically nobody in the entire world listens to anything it says because every Senior Administration Official is either a worn-out loser or a hapless placeholder? Get Laura Bush to freak out on the Burma military dictatorship, that’s what! more »

12:43 PM ON WED OCT 10 2007
BY KEN LAYNE
3,680 views, 31 comments

dept. of your blog sucks

John McCain's Other Daughter Has a Lame Blog!

Hey everybody, John McCain’s daughter “Meghan” has a blog all about, uh, “young professionals” and their alleged main activity, which is going to a John McCain campaign event in Phoenix, called the “Valley Ho.” The blog is only a few days old, but it can already make people cringe like a blog that’s been around for years! Oh and Cindy McCain is on crutches. She probably hurt herself breaking into a pharmacy.

McCain Bloggette

3:13 PM ON MON OCT 8 2007
BY KEN LAYNE
3,442 views, 47 comments

Latest by rijomi: How come the only thing that comes to mind is, "and one time in band camp"? more »

dept. of legendary orifices

Giant Anus Discovered

Great news, everybody: The long-lost Giant Earth Anus has been rediscovered! The Knights Templar had carefully guarded the butthole’s location in the Holy Land, but it was later located by either Indiana Jones or William S. Burroughs. And now the Israeli Army Men have found it again! Mystics and Nostradamus and Bob Novak have long predicted that the rediscovery of the Giant Anus would lead to a new era of rampant, constant ass-fucking from the House to the Senate to airport and train station men’s rooms all around the world.

Gazans dig for profit [IDF/Reuters]

1:49 PM ON MON OCT 8 2007
BY KEN LAYNE
64,834 views, 37 comments

Latest by kungpao: Assholy land! more »

here's to you, mrs. roberts dept.

Cummer Never Ends: DiFatta, Craig, and the Oral Roberts Cougar

It’s October, so why is it still so goddamn hot? And why are politicians still getting busted for perversions and sexcapades? Is this Cummer truly Endless? Or is this merely — as one of you commenters probably coined back in some long-ago post (this one?) — an Indian Cummer?* After the jump, join us in taking a quick glance at Cocktober’s Long, Long Tail — starring that Louisiana Bathroom Goblin, Gay Escorts, and, uh, something called an “Oral Roberts.” more »

6:09 PM ON FRI OCT 5 2007
BY PAREENE
13,369 views, 73 comments

Latest by texmandie: Leider ist das Oktoberfest jetzt geendet, aber das Cocktoberfest lebt schon! more »

cruisin to victory dept.

Gigolo: Sen. Larry Craig Used Me!

Thanks to an eagle-eyed tipster, we now have reports that Sen. Larry Craig met with at least one male escort. But wait…it was the same male escort responsible for bringing down Christian evangelist leader Ted Haggard. Seriously, you just can’t make this shit up (Or can you?). Anyway, in a radio interview beefy boytoy Mike Jones said he didn’t actually have sex with Craig, but that the senator did come to see him. Maybe they just talked about their feelings? Incomprehensibly and for five straight days, due to all the meth? “I’ve been with many politicians and all I can tell you for a fact that Larry Craig is a hypocrite,” Jones said. Naturally, Sen. Craig’s office denied all allegations. But if they turn out to be true he’ll finally decide to remain in the Senate for another six years.

Escort: ‘Sen. Craig Visited Me’ [KESQ.com]

5:40 PM ON FRI OCT 5 2007
BY JOHN CLARKE JR.
2,811 views, 34 comments

Latest by Hans_Auff: Well hell! Everyone knows spuds are better than hampsters. more »

showbiz kids dept.

Meet the Romneys

Which not-gay Romney son is your favorite? Meet them all, after the jump! more »

5:52 PM ON THU OCT 4 2007
BY PAREENE
4,363 views, 37 comments

courage of his convictions dept.

LARRY CRAIG STILL GUILTY, STILL MAYBE RESIGNING OR MAYBE NOT, WHO KNOWS

An activist Minnesota Judge has denied hero Senator Larry Craig’s motion to withdraw his plea of guilty of trying to fuck an undercover cop in a cruisy toilet. Judge Charles Porter, Jr. issued a 27-page opinion, though he really could’ve just left it at “what the fuck is wrong with you?” Anyway Larry is now expected to resign, except that some people expect him to appeal, and not resign. Because dude has lost his mind! And quitting now is just what the salmon want him to do.

Judge denies Craig’s motion to withdraw mention in bathroom bust arrest [PageOneQ]

2:25 PM ON THU OCT 4 2007
BY PAREENE
1,419 views, 37 comments

Latest by Tommmcatt: @Terry: Female? Kinky. more »

big fish dept.

Salmon Try to Send Larry Craig Up the River

As a Republican from Nebrasdaho or wherever the fuck, Larry Craig was a tireless champion of power companies and logging concerns, and he never stopped fighting the powerful salmon interests. That’s right, salmon — you might know them as the harmless smoked fish Larry King puts on his bagels, when he is making bagels, but in real life Big Salmon has a stranglehold on our government and industry, preventing upstanding American companies from building big dams that power our baby monitors and puppy-grooming machines. But with Larry resigning in disgrace for the “crime” of soliciting public sex with an undercover cop, these salmon may soon be free to infest the Snake River with their disgusting spawn. That’s why we all need to support Senator Craig in his latest campaign: the campaign to not actually resign. more »

5:15 PM ON MON OCT 1 2007
BY PAREENE
2,951 views, 30 comments

Latest by FlyingChainSaw: Larry could learn to love salmon if someone would just shove one up his ass in a bathroom stall. more »

don't go near the water dept.

Rudy Falls Victim to Boat Curse

Politicians: they have bad luck on boats! Last Friday, Rudy Giuliani was happily riding a ferry of some kind in Michigan when he was set upon and attacked by a horde of vicious Ron Paul supporters demanding to know what he did with all the gold from the World Trade Centers and asking why he let Cheney do 9/11. According to a local GOP activist, the Paultards threatened to throw Rudy overboard. He eventually “took shelter in the ferry’s pilothouse for the 15-minute journey,” according to the Detroit Free Press. “It was awful,” says the activist, who has no sense of humor. But like we said a minute ago, boats are just bad news for politicians, as the New Yorker reveals in their October 1 issue. Examples include: more »

5:49 PM ON TUE SEP 25 2007
BY PAREENE
3,258 views, 29 comments

Latest by : Somebody needs to make a "Leave Rudy Alone" YouTube plea for sympathy...poor guy more »

class consciousness dept.

G. H. W. Bush's Pool Boy Hates Entire Bush Family

When presented with an article in the San Francisco Gate about the pool boy for the Bush family’s Kennebunkport Estate, in which said pool boy comes off as ridiculously articulate, funny, and generally more liberal than Frank Rich, well, we ought to be kind of suspicious. But then the pool boy says something like “I look at the biggest middle finger in the world all day” and we just don’t care anymore. So meet James Razsa! more »

9:28 AM ON MON SEP 24 2007
BY PAREENE
7,512 views, 33 comments

Latest by catsonmars: FTR: He has "soft enamel" teeth, which means that no matter how much a man brushes, flosses, and rinses they still get cavities and generally suck. Don't hate - it's painful and expensive and would probably be covered by the more »

kiss me deadly dept.

Bachmann Licks Bush Yet Again

After last January’s State of the Union address, Americans looked on in helpless horror as crazed Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann viciously assaulted the President, grabbing him, holding on to his back with a fierce death grip, and finally forcing him to kiss her. Now, according to the Bachmann, she’s done it again. And like all abusers, she insists her victim was asking for it. After the jump, courtesy WCCO and MN Publius, we have embedded audio of Michele telling a probably made-up story about the President coming on to her and planting one right on her at the scene, naturally, of the fucking 35W bridge collapse. That’s romance. more »

12:17 PM ON THU SEP 20 2007
BY PAREENE
4,715 views, 42 comments

Latest by notthe600: Where's the love? Does Bachmann qualify as Nordic enough to senatize for MN? Maybe she was just cleaning his face... it was wet tongue. more »

more time with family dept.

Top DoJ Official Resigns V Quietly

Hey guys, another high-level Justice Department official quit yesterday! An Operative sent us the resignation email. We know nothing about this Regina Schofield woman except that she was the “Assistant Attorney General for the Office of Justice Programs,” which means she was a corrupt hack, probably. Hell, Gonzo said she “served the Department of Justice and the American people with distinction and honor” so we can’t even imagine the scope of her crimes. Oh, she was apparently in charge of fighting ONLINE PREDATORS, PROTECTING OUR KIDS, and two particularly sinister-sounding projects, “advanced law enforcement information sharing” and “the President’s DNA initiative.” Resignation letter after the jump! more »

6:25 PM ON THU SEP 13 2007
BY PAREENE
3,829 views, 50 comments

Latest by notthe600: Um, how many read this? And did it soak in? Or are we already inured, complacent, or hopeless? "...advanced law enforcement information sharing" and "the President's DNA initiative." UH OH!! Where are the Sons of Liberty when you need them? more »

bugging the paultards dept.

UBL = RON PAUL??

Just look at the stunning evidence from his latest hit video: more »

can't keep a good man down dept.

Larry Craig to Retire Again For the Very First Time

Larry Craig is retiring again, btw. His poor spokesman told the AP that the wide-stanced Senator will focus on helping Idaho find a new, straighter guy to take his place by next month. All that weekend talk about Arlen Specter and sticking it out was a he-said / he-left-a-voice-mail-to-the-wrong-number misunderstanding. UNLESS! more »

11:41 AM ON THU SEP 6 2007
BY PAREENE
2,758 views, 22 comments

death and the member dept.

Ohio Rep. Dead, Wikipedia Nazis Censor Terrible Truth

Rep. Paul Gillmor was found dead at his apartment in his apartment today. Staffers went to his home after the 68-year-old Republican failed to show up for work today. There’s been no official word on cause of death, but some Wikipedia users have a working theory: more »

1:01 PM ON WED SEP 5 2007
BY PAREENE
11,133 views, 59 comments