DING DING! DING DING! Clock go DING! Fiddy go SMASH on clock. Clock go BANG-TINKLE. Fiddy awake.
Fiddy take tiger jim jams and put 'em under pillow. Put on vest and pants and joggy-bottoms and socks and shoes. Fiddy help-lady come in and do shoe-string loopy-loopy. She say Fiddy go buy magic do-up shoes with space strips. Then Fiddy can dress Fiddy all by Fiddy's self.
Fiddy like help-lady. Help-lady tickle Fiddy's feet when she do shoe-string loopy-loopy. Fiddy giggle. Fiddy know all about magic do-up shoes with space strips. Fiddy want tickle from help-lady instead. Hur hur.
When Fiddy clean toothies and finishes cornflakes, Fiddy go to back door and shout for posse. Fiddy shout "Goonit! Goonit! GOONIT!" until Fiddy's buddies all come to say hello. There's Young Bucky, Lloyd's Bank, Tony Hello...and no-one else ever, especially not The Gamie he stinks urr like a skunk's bum.
Fiddy make Goonit play special made-up Fiddy game Fiddy call 'Slappy Birthday'. Fiddy's rules are easy-peasy Japanesy. Goonit stand in circle, Fiddy sing 'Slappy Birthday to you, slappy Birthday to you, slappy Birthday dear...' - and then Fiddy pick a Goonit person and sings their name - 'Slappy Birthday to you.' And then Fiddy smack 'em inna face.
Lloyd's Bank is first, and his nose goes all bleedy when Fiddy smack him. Then Fiddy make Tony Hello fall on his bum, and cry. Then Fiddy make Young Bucky run home to his mummy with a lumpy ear. Then it's Fiddy's turn to go in and watch TV.
Fiddy love TV. Fiddy watches his friends who are not Goonit on TV. Fiddy watch Doctor Der, and Eminemine... Emineminemi... Slim Shandy. Fiddy used to like to watch the Wang Tu Clan and Rub DMT, but they not on Fiddy's TV any more. Fiddy want a TV with more girls on it. Fiddy's friend Doop Snogg has a TV with all girls on it all the time. Fiddy likes girls. Girls make Fiddy do his girl dance. It goes "Hello gur-ULS! (clap) Hello gur-ULS! (clap)" and Fiddy does a Fiddy-hop.
Fiddy watch TV for a long long time, until Fiddy sleepy. Fiddy have little snoozy-nap. When Fiddy wake up, Fiddy do heavy-lifting-weights-picky-upsies. Fiddy got a big metal stick with all tractor wheels on it. Fiddy can do one, two, three...many heavy-lifting-weights-picky-upsies in a row. It make Fiddy buff. Fiddy look at Fiddy in the reflecti-glass to check buff-ness. Fiddy buff enough. Hur hur! Buff enuff! Fiddy poet and Fiddy don't know it! Hur hur! Fiddy got 'flow'!
Then Fiddy have to wash. Fiddy hate baths. Fiddy go SMASH on bath. Bath go CRUMBLE-SPLASH! Fiddy help-lady buy Fiddy a new bath, and Fiddy go SMASH on it. Bath go CRUMBLE-SPLASH again. Fiddy help-lady buy new bath, and Fiddy go SMASH on it. Then Fiddy tired.
Then Fiddy have hot milk and cookie and go sleepy night-nights.
Nighty night, Fiddy fans.
X (50 Cent)
