A Jewish friend -- former rabbinical student, actually -- recently introduced me to a catchy and true Hebrew expression from the Talmud that goes something like this:

Bekoso, bekiso, bekaso

Sometimes the order of the three words is different and the spelling can vary depending on who's doing the transliteration, but this is certainly close enough for blog work.

It is a list of the major areas in which a person's character is tested and revealed.

Bekoso -- (b'KOH-soh) by his cup, or metaphorically, how he or she behaves when drunk.   

Bekiso -- (b'KEE-soh) by his pocket, or metaphorically, how he or she manages money.

Bekaso-- (b'KAH-soh) by his temper; how he or she acts when angry.

These are good.  The common thread seems to be impulse control, which in turn connected strongly to the ability to delay gratification and take the long view of life -- excellent qualities. I will link to and excerpt from some Web discussions about them below.

But first:  What other key tests of character have you found to be valid?

I'll name two.  The first is how a person treats a server -- literally a waiter or waitress but metaphorically anyone who is at least for the moment in a socially subservient role.

The second is how a person behaves on the golf course.  Does he or she cheat? Respond with the requisite grace and good humor to the inevitable disappointments and failures?

Beservo, begolfo.

Web highlights on bekoso, bekiso, bekaso:

Shiur #16: Integration and the Tale of a Lifetime,   By Rav Yitzchak Blau

In all three, a person who normally hides corrupt aspects of his or her personality suddenly finds the corruption revealed. Drunkenness and anger certainly reveal normally hidden aspects of a personality, and many people show a new side of themselves when asked to open their wallets.... R. Edels argues that a person's traits relate to three aspects of life: being good to others, being good to Hashem and being good to himself. The challenge of money belongs to the interpersonal realm. As a Talmudic statement compares anger to idolatry, Maharsha understands the challenge of anger as belonging to the sphere of relations between a person and God. The temptation to drink relates to how a person treats himself.

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Parshas Shemini Leviticus 9:1 - 11:47 Self Examination: Grading Our Level of Holiness  By Dr. Akiva G. Belk

Our sages identify the three areas of character evaluation as:

Bekoso: Observe one's drinking habits. Excessive drinking results in loose language and displays a lack of self restraint. One who controls his liquor is in control of himself / herself!

Bekiso: Observe ones business habits. Our sages teach that a person's way of conducting business is revealing of one's attitude toward his fellow man. By observing if one acts righteously... honestly... fairly towards his fellow man or by observing if one seeks to shortchange his fellow man we can measure his relationship to his fellow man!

Beka'aso: Observe one's temper. Anyone who loses his temper in a fit of rage, who throws things, tears clothing or damages things is considered like an idol worshipper by our sages. If he allows his / her evil inclination to dominate to that extent, then that one is capable of idol worship, G-d forbid.

Now, dear reader, it is so important how we conduct ourselves.... We MUST carefully manage our liquor... our business dealings... our temper...

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The Play’s the Thing! by Rabbi Yaakov Bieler

In Eiruvin 65b, R. Ilaye,  using alliteration for emphasis, said: “BeShlosha Devarim Adam Nicar--BeKoso, BeKiso, BeKa’aso, VeAmrei Lei BeSechako” (By means of three things can one recognize the essence of an individual—by his CUP, i.e., what s/he does when s/he becomes less inhibited due to intoxication; by his POCKET, i.e., how s/he spends his/her money as opposed to those things to which s/he merely pays lip-service; by his ANGER, i.e., what does a person do when s/he “loses it”, and again has his/her guard down; and some say by his/her PLAY).

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The Purim story by Rabbi Jeremy Rosen

There is well known motto in the Talmud based on a pun because all three words share the same Hebrew root. It goes ’You can tell what a person is really like by his Cup, his Pocket and his Anger’ (Eiruvin  65b). In other words, a gentleman (or a gentlewoman, of course) is someone who can control his drinking, his spending (be charitable) and his temper.

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From Rabbi Winston's Weekly Parsha Page

Each of these three things are keys of sort. Situations that can lead one to anger, how one deals in business, and whether or not one is settled through wine, reveal what lies behind the often-locked door of one's personality. They can act as window openers to the core of a person, and ultimately reveal the depth to which one believes G-d plays a role in his or her life. 

I hope that the people who are "at least for the moment in a socially subservient role" don't include telemarketers. If they do, I'm afraid I rank lower than whale droppings.

I think that the way a person drives tells you a lot about them. People who are impatient and inconsiderate in their driving are usually very self involved and impatient with people. That is why so many teenagers are bad drivers, there is no more self-involved individual than your average 16 year old.

How someone handles the end of a relationship ended by his/her choice -- a romantic partner with whom one has broken up, an employee whom one has fired, etc. Cushion the blow as much as reasonably possible or throw them to the wolves? I guess I am really talking about loyalty to someone from whom one no longer needs anything.

Is this anything like "Ba-da-bing, ba-da-bang, ba-da-bum?"

How one treats other species.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

bekino: how one behaves while gambling (cheaters, talkers, grunters, eaters, whiners, etc.)

becujo: how one behaves at horror movies (face hiders, shouters, kibbitzers, etc.)

becrappo: how one behaves in public toilets (I can't imagine what some people are thinking leaving the mess behind that they do)

bekaro: how much syrup one puts on their pancakes (I am a pourer myself)

People who litter, particularly from their car.

I've found how one approaches youth sports to be a good indicator of character. The parents (usually fathers) who are overly interested in their kid's playing time or the team's win/loss record also tend to be bad parents (overly permissive), have imbalanced priorities on what's important in life, and are prone to cheating when they coach their kids.

The most consistent indicator of character for me is also probably the closest thing I have to a "boyfriend test": how he treats his mother. Men who treat their mothers well will generally treat others the same; men who treat their mothers with indifference are generally at least somewhat inconsiderate and distant; men who are completely estranged from their mothers, in my experience, are a clear indicator to run the other way. It's true of girls and their fathers to a lesser degree, but the mother/son dynamic has been very reliable from what I've observed.

i really like this one character in a book that was mentioned for his ability to deny himself sexual intercourse; even when it was offered/available.
someone that wouldn't have sex with another person, just because they could.

i thought that this was a great indicator of character. especially in this day and age.

but i don't know if i phrased this right...

i think that it was in "the perks of being a wallflower."

What does it say about me that I started shrieking when I read the first few lines of the Kipling poem up there--the one the former nun made all of us memorize in the 8th grade? Did I mention she had been a nun prior to becoming a public school teacher?