By Peter Bills

First they can't find any front-row forwards able to hold up a scrum. Now Australia can't find anyone, for love or money, willing to take on the job of national rugby coach. What the hell is going on Down Under?

The puzzle was heightened by a conversation I had last week with a leading Australian rugby man.

"Mate, you don't know anyone, do you?" was his pitiful plea. I mentioned a name and almost got my hand bitten off. "Would he come? Can you ask him?" It sounded for a moment like the wireless operator on the Titanic as the water lapped at his feet. Australia is the only country to have won the World Cup twice. But if they manage it a third time, in France next year, you'd have to say it will be a great escape in the Steve McQueen class.

The Aussies are now so desperate they're looking overseas

The fact is, no one in Australia who measures up wants the job. Leading candidate Euan McKenzie ruled himself out after getting an increased salary and increased tenure at New South Wales. David Nucifora, who did so much good work with the ACT Brumbies, isn't interested in leaving the Auckland Blues and going home. New Zealander John Mitchell has only just taken over the new Australian Super 14 franchise, the Western Force.

The word is, the Aussies are now so desperate they're looking overseas. But the Kiwi they'd like, Robbie Deans, isn't that fussed about it. So just about the only man left standing in the saloon is former Queensland coach John Connolly, who left English club Bath some weeks ago to go home to Brisbane and semi-retirement. And, in true Aussie style, the knives are even out for him. "He'd put Australian rugby back 20 years," I was told.

Which probably leaves only Kylie Minogue or Elle Macpherson to raise the spirits of Australian manhood. Well, at least they'd probably be up for it. But in the eyes of the Wallaby players, this is no laughing matter. They have asked serious questions of the ARU management regarding a process that has become a complete shambles. Even my Aussie rugby man confessed: "We are in total
disarray over this, it's a real worry."

The players want to know whether their management, as in all professional organisations, had a replacement lined up when they sacked the incumbent, Eddie Jones. They want names and, if a replacement hadn't been arranged, why not? CEO Gary Flowers is under heavy pressure because a lot of people are equating his management with that of former Australian rugby supremo John O'Neill, who helped mastermind a superb World Cup in 2003. And they don't appear to like what they see.

There seems to be a generation gap among suitable Australian coaches. There are plenty you'd nominate as assistants to a senior figure. Mind you, most of them have gone overseas to ply their trade. Michael Cheika and David Knox are with Leinster, Tim Lane went to South Africa, Italy and most recently Japan, Michael Foley has been at Bath, and Brian Smith, who was initially at Bath, then spent a year in Japan and is now at London Irish. That's a lot of talent to have operating out of the country. It's not hard to ascertain why the likes of McKenzie, Nucifora and a couple of others aren't interested. The World Cup is barely 18 months away and there's a lot more wrong with the Australian side than just a couple of missing props.

You just can't see the Wallabies going very far in France 2007. But if they don't, the Australian media will be down on the coach's neck in their traditional thirsty-bloodhound style. So the job becomes a lose-lose role for the guy taking charge now. If it's John Connolly, it's different. He's always wanted to coach Australia, and even if he gets only two years, it's a lifetime achievement completed. He'd then retire. Which is why he is the favourite to be appointed, with Scott Johnston, who has been backs coach with Wales, and Michael Foley, the forwards coach at Bath, likely to join him in a New Zealand-style three-man coaching unit.

The present world of rugby does not, in my view, overflow with coaches of enormous talent or vision. I see few men of the calibre of Kitch Christie, Carwyn James or Bob Dwyer. The lesson for national rugby unions to learn from the Australian debacle is to plan your coaching succession long in advance.

• This article was originally published on page 18 of The Mercury on January 24, 2006