By Renee Volchansky

Australians run a lot. They like to run. They strip down or gear up and they run. They run barefooted on Bondi Beach. They run for the ferry and buses.

They run into the sea. Watch a surfer gallop from a Volksie bus or station wagon to the sea: it's heroic. Surfing is an institution. I was sneered at when I turned down offers to surf.

I saw businessmen have meetings on the promenade, and surfing at lunch, before work, after work and instead of work.

'Australians are rule-abiders'

Australians are healthy. Their bottled water comes in 600ml containers. Juice bars are one of the highest-grossing industries.

Sydneysiders swim in winter at the Bondi Icebergs pool (well named both for the water temperature and its appearance, similar to the polar-bear enclosure at Johannesburg Zoo).

They jog with their prams and use the outdoor gym equipment along coastal walks. Now here's the irony: Australians are rule-abiders. They drive slowly, recycle and follow the Ten Commandments. So the Bondi beach signs, which state 'No Dogs, No Ball Games, No Frisbees' must throw their active yet obedient lives into turmoil.

I did, however, see some rebels with their schnauzers and beach balls. Good on them.

Australians have a penchant for tattoos. Tip: Try to disconnect yourself from the elder sibling when she announces on the bus in a loud whisper that this is because of Australia's convict past.

Australians always assume I am British'

Australians' hairstyle and cleanliness need some attention. But Australians are friendly.

So friendly that one Joy in Byron Bay offered to introduce me to her imaginary friend. And Julian in Airlie Beach let me steer his yacht through Dangerous Passage in the Whitsunday Islands.

Australian food is good, and their media are great. The radio plays Jamiroquai and Sting (and in Byron Bay Louis Armstrong and Doris Day) and the newspaper journalism is witty and often tongue-in-cheek. This does not extend to the headlines, though.

In Australia there are no hijackings or serial rapists. So instead they try smuggling heroin from Bali, strapped to their bodies, and when this fails they face the risk of death by firing squad.

This has happened since an Australian was caught in Indonesia with marijuana in her surfboard bag and she will most likely receive a life sentence.

Australians get kidnapped by Arab extremists and have torpedoes drop from the sky into their pleasant little suburbs. Australians love beetroot, barbi(cue)s, Milo, icecream, macadamia nuts and chicken schnitzel. To an astounding degree.

Australians talk funny. They always assume I am British. This is probably due to the fact that I don't speak with an Afrikaans accent and have some difficulty pronouncing Australian words.

"Which pathway to Koo-gey?" (Coogee) I ask.

"Haha! Kjee? Over there."

"Does the bus go to Moo-loo-lah-bar?" (Mooloolabah) I inquire.

"Haha! Malula-bar? Yes."

Australian places I have travelled to, through or past include Jambaroo, Wollongong, Woolloomooloo, Wooroonooran, Gympie, Coolangatta and Maroochydore.

I did not see any kangaroos or koala bears, despite the many warning (or rather taunting) signs. I did see a wombat and a platypus.

The animals in Australia are either strange or scary or both. Walking alone at night is not dangerous, except for potential bites and stings that could very possibly kill you, and Australian animals are downright dangerous.

These include snakes (the eight deadliest ones in the world), man-eating saltwater crocodiles, spiders, ants, caterpillars, birds and jellyfish.

Bill Bryson writes in Down Under: "A young man in Cairns, ignoring all the warning signs, went swimming in the Pacific waters called Holloway Beach.

"He swam and dived, taunting his friends on the beach for their prudent cowardice, and then began to scream with an inhuman sound. It is said that there is no pain to compare with it.

"The young man staggered from the water, covered in livid whip-like stripes wherever the jellyfish's tentacles had brushed across him, and collapsed in quivering shock.

"Soon afterwards emergency crews arrived, inflated him with morphine and took him away for treatment.

"And here's the thing. Even unconscious and sedated, he was still screaming."

Among other hazardous creatures are coral, shells and even trees. Trees?

Sick Finthart writes in Coasting: "All you have to do is brush against the [stinging tree's leaves] and it's like getting an electric shock, followed by the kind of burning itch that makes most people think longingly of the pleasant times they had under the Spanish Inquisition... And you'll feel it every time you get the sting wet for the next three months."

Australian animals are also beautiful. Colourful parrots and cockatoos fly about casually like pigeons or sparrows.

The hadeda equivalents are white with black heads, and even some doves have little pointy mohawks. Large lace-patterned goanna lizards are common Queensland picnic visitors.

Australia is open-minded when it comes to travel. In the airport toilet there were pheromone-wipe vending machines, and in Cardwell, north Queensland, the signs outside the toilets read "No Mangoes".

Backpacking in Australia is cool.

• This article was originally published on page 24 of Saturday Star on October 21, 2005