{{Simpsons character| image= 222px| name=Abraham Simpson| gender=Male| hair=Sparse| age=~80| job=Retired| relatives=Sons Homer and Herb, daughter Abbie, daughter-in-law Marge, grandson Bart, granddaughters Maggie and Lisa.| appearance=Simpsons_Roasting_on_an_Open_Fire| }} '''Abraham Jasper Simpson''' ("Grampa" or "Abe") is a Fictional_character featured in the Animated_cartoon Television series ''The_Simpsons''. His voice is provided by Voice_actor Dan_Castellaneta. ==Early life== Abraham J. Simpson was born in Scotland. He was the son of Orville_Simpson and Yuma_Hickman. He immigrated to the United States as a child with his parents, where they lived in the Statue_of_Liberty until they supposedly (according to Abe) filled the head with garbage. As a boy, he was once voted the handsomest boy in Albany,_New_York. As a young boy, Abe enlisted in World_War_I by lying about his age. Abe's exact age is indeterminate, perhaps inconsistent in the series. This includes his being older or younger than fellow cast member Charles_Montgomery_Burns. He brags that President_of_the_United_States Grover_Cleveland (March_18, 1837 - June_24, 1908) spanked him on two non-consecutive occasions (a play on Cleveland's two non-consecutive terms of office). He admits to having "taken a shot at Teddy Roosevelt," (October_27, 1858 - January_6, 1919). He is also known to be a decorated war hero, having paradoxically earned the German Iron_Cross during his service in the United_States_Army -- clearing mine-fields. During the Second World War Sgt. Simpson was the leader of the Flying_Hellfish_squad. Among those in his command was Burns. After "liberating" a stash of priceless art from the Nazis, they formed a Tontine, and buried the art in a trunk at sea. Decades later, Burns tried to murder Abe in order to get the art. This prompted Abe to violate the tontine because he knew the now-deceased Hellfish wouldn't want Burns to wind up with them. After Abe and Bart got the art back from Burns in a spectacular chase, agents from the United_States_State_Department arrived, and gave the art to their "rightful" owner, a snooty young German aristocrat. Grampa Simpson has also been noted as saying "I haven't felt this relaxed since I was watchman at Pearl_Harbor", implying that he had been stationed there. Abe also said that he was in ''The Wizard of Oz''. The legs that curled up when the ruby slippers were removed were his. He also claimed to have served on PT-109, where he and two other crewmen beat up John_F._Kennedy, thinking he was a Nazi. It should be noted that the vast majority of his memories of the past are known to be wildly inaccurate and often physically or historically impossible and thus most likely to be symptoms of his senility. For example, he once referred to Sarah_Bernhardt as a former president, and claims to have personally turned cats and dogs against each other. He is also known to have retired as a Colonel. Although his service in the Flying Hellfish squad has been confirmed as fact, most of the stories he tells about his early life appear to be the result of senility, outright lies to get attention, or both. There is evidence that Abe was not a kind or caring father to Homer (as he told Homer on his first day of school: "Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!") Homer does not seem to particularly resent these casual abuses, considering his father's now feeble state. After the war, Abe held a variety of jobs, including being a Farmer in Homer's early childhood until the bank foreclosed on his Farm (after the Cows began giving sour Milk); this was presumably followed by years spent as night Watchman at a Cranberry Storage_silo. He spent most of this time living in a house he won on a crooked 1950s Game_show, until he sold it to help Homer buy a house for his family. Abe moved in with the Simpsons after selling his house, but was quickly sent to a Retirement_home about three weeks later. ==Family== Abraham Simpson is estranged husband to Mona Simpson, father to Homer_Jay_Simpson and Herbert Powell, father-in-law to Marjorie Bouvier Simpson and grandfather to siblings Bartholomew J. Simpson, Lisa Marie Simpson and Margaret Simpson. He also fathered a daughter named Abbie by a British lady named Edwina while in England during World_War_II. He was briefly married to Amber, the woman Homer married while in Vegas. Also in The_Simpsons_Uncensored_Family_Album, the family tree shows his parents' names to be Orville_Simpson and Yuma_Hickman. Abraham Simpson's name derives from Matt_Groening's real-life grandfather's first name. However, the writers of ''The Simpsons'' were the ones that chose the name, not Groening. Also, one of Matt Groening's sons is named Abraham. His name as "Grampa" seems to be obscure and mysterious. Originally, the name seems to have come from the fact that he was Bart, Lisa, and Maggie's grandfather. However, his ''Junior Buckaroo Badge'' contains the name "Little Grampa Simpson". This would be impossible, since it is thought that he obtained his badge during his childhood, long before he even had ''sons''. ===Romantic life=== He was married for a number of years to Mona, who left him after becoming entranced with the Hippie lifestyle and going on the lam while Homer was very young. She came back three decades later, but Abe's bids to woo her and win her back were met with ambivalence at best. Before his marriage, during WW2, he had an affair with a woman in England named Edwina, producing an illegitimate daughter, Abbie, whom he did not meet until she was grown. He once even got as far as dating the oldest woman ever, with her age at 120 years old. But the short-lived romance fell quickly after she spent most of her time with the Guinness crowd. He wore a 13 pound beard of bees for her but it was not enough to win back her heart. Another affair, with a nameless prostitute he met at a carnival, produced Herbert Powell. Herb was adopted by Edward Powell and Mililani Osler and worked his way up from poverty to found a successful automotive design business. Believing himself to be dying, Abe confessed his infidelity to Homer, sending him on a quest to find his half-brother. In his golden years Abe dated Bea Simmons (voice by Audrey_Meadows), a fellow resident of his retirement home. Bea passed away and left Abe a little over a hundred grand in her will. After some soul-searching Abe later used his newfound wealth to refurbish the falling-down Springfield_Retirement_Castle, including a fancy new memorial dining hall in Bea's name. He briefly dated another fellow golden-ager, but her head was turned by a slick elderly gentleman at the home with a spiffy car. Abe realized, following an ill-fated jaunt to Branson, Missouri that she was a "hoochie" and totally wrong for him. He also, for the span of one episode, dated his daughter-in-law's mother, Jacqueline Bouvier. She later started dating Charles_Montgomery_Burns and almost married him, though the marriage was stopped by Abe. ===Personality=== Grampa Simpson is an ancient, grizzled, periodically incontinent, and mostly Senile figure who lives in the Springfield_Retirement_Castle, a sad, lonely place filled with demented, crippled, and depressed old people (a sign near the entrance says "Thank you for not discussing the outside world"). His rambling stories trail away in forgetfulness and despair: :"You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going?" :"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I used my washtub that morning to clean my turkey, which back then was called a 'walking bird'. We had walking bird on Thanksgiving with Cranberry sauce, Potatoes, and stuffing full of Gun_powder. We also sat around and watched football, which back then was called Baseball." :*"Long story short...is an expression whose meaning is long and rambling" They sometimes cause serious delay, as in a shopping queue at Monstromart: :"This nickel has a long and interesting history. It dates back to one morning in 1957. I got up and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to 3 - medium brown . . . " A recurring feature is Abe's constant explanation of what happened "in those days": :"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere -- like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you’d say. :"Now where were we? Oh yeah -- the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..." Bart and Lisa dread his occasional childminding sessions; even a phone call has its dangers (" ... and that's everything which happened in my life right up to the time I got this phone call...") -- at least until he falls asleep and leaves them to their own devices. In the meantime, he fills his time with complaining about anything and everything to anyone and everyone he can find. Another notable instance of the dangers of calling Abe on the phone:
Lisa: Hi, Grandpa, how are you?
Grandpa: Well, you're really asking yourself two questions there. The first takes me back to 1926: Admiral Byrd had just flown a plane over the North Pole, mere hours ahead of the Three Stooges... Abe is President of the Gay_and_Lesbian_Alliance according to a card he finds in his wallet, although he does not know why. He is also an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, and member of the Stonecutters, enabling Homer to join this secret society. He spends a good deal of his time writing letters of complaint. He once wrote to the President, complaining that there were too many states, and requesting that they get rid of 3 of them. The letter, presumably, went unanswered. ===A note on his last name=== In "Homer_to_the_Max," Abraham indicates that his grandfather traded a mule for the last name "Simpson" ("...and that mule went on to save Spring_break"). See: Characters_from_The_Simpsons ==Relations== Abraham Simpson is: *Husband of Mona J. Simpson *Father of Abbie, Herbert Powell, and Homer Jay Simpson *Grandfather of Bartholomew Jo-Jo Simpson, Lisa Marie Simpson and Maggie_Simpson Simpson, Abraham Simpson, Abraham Da:Abraham_Simpson Es:Abraham_Simpson Fr:Abraham_Simpson It:Abraham_Simpson