The weirdness of young people - well, of all people - is truly astounding. Just the other day I telephoned Exclusive Books - no specific branch, no pack drill - and asked in my best Brakpan-French accent whether the shop had the new book about Descartes (I pronounced it "Day-cart") in stock.

Blow me down with a feather, paddle me with a swizzle stick, if the young female person did not reply without hesitation: "Ma'am, we have no books by Dave Carts, none."

Really. I suppose one would have to say that we have here a case of: "I am illiterate, therefore I work at Exclusive Books." How could she be so ignorant? Does she not know that Ron Descartes was one of the best midfielders who ever played for Arsenal?

Or take the case of that poor whale that I mentioned last week; the one whom I thought had paddled up the Thames in search of some retail therapy. It turns out the poor whale was not having fun but was in distress.

But this was not the case, let me point out at once and firmly, before the pernickety do-gooders got their mitts on her. Note carefully: the post-mortem examination showed clearly that she died from dehydration, muscle damage and failing kidneys.

Well of course she did: the bloody do-gooders lifted her out of the water, her natural habitat, and shoved her onto a barge. Remove me and you from our natural habitats, take us away, for example, from our proximity to the refrigerator, and we, too, would become dehydrated and our kidneys would start flashing red lights.

But here is where the "ignorance" comes in. According to Paul Jepson, the chief vet at the London Zoological Society: "The female northern bottlenose whale had been fit and well until it probably got lost on its way to feeding grounds in the Atlantic."

And then this putz went on to say that "the most likely reason for its [sic] trip up the Thames was that it [sic] had got lost in the North Sea having taken a wrong turn near Scotland". (I accentuate those "it"s to demonstrate clearly the contempt that even vets from the London Zoological Society evince for our fellow creatures and my gender.)
What codswallop. First of all, as I think Dr Johnson remarked, no one ever made a wrong turn by heading away from Scotland.

More importantly, why would the whale's navigation system have failed? Does this Jepson presume to assume that the Almighty, may She be blessed from eternity to eternity, puts out occasionally faulty creations? I do not think so.

At least the writer of the article from which I am quoting - it comes from The Daily Telegraph - had the good sense to note that the whale's navigation system appeared to be intact and that, moreover, scientists "are unsure how whales navigate. It is possible they follow the magnetic lines of the Earth in the same way as migratory birds". Well, if they don't know, why do they make such claims?

On to more exhilarating matters. I have received from an anonymous contributor a rather remarkable little essay titled "How to write about Africa". I do not know its provenance, nor do I have the space to give you, dear readers, more than a morsel. But it was apparently penned by one Binyavanga Wainaina, and you may be able to find it on the mighty net. Here's a taste:

"Some tips: sunsets and starvation are good. Always use the word 'Africa' or 'darkness' or 'safari' in your title. Subtitles may include the words 'Zanzibar', 'Masai', 'Zulu', 'Zambezi', 'Congo', 'Nile', 'big', 'sky', 'shadow', 'drum', 'sun' or 'bygone'.

"Also useful are words such as 'guerrillas', 'timeless', 'primordial' and 'tribal'. Note that 'people' means Africans who are not black, while 'the people' means black Africans.

"Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize.

"An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.

"Readers will be put off if you don't mention the light in Africa. And sunsets, the African sunset, is a must. It is always big and red. There is always a big sky. Wide empty spaces and game are critical - Africa is the Land of Wide Empty Spaces.

"When writing about the plight of flora and fauna, make sure you mention that Africa is overpopulated. When your main character is in a desert or jungle living with indigenous people (anybody short) it is okay to mention that Africa has been severely depopulated by Aids and War (use caps).

"You'll also need a nightclub called Tropicana, where mercenaries, evil nouveau-riche Africans, prostitutes, guerrillas and expats hang out. Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care."

Great advice, is it not? But I am going to end not with Mandela, but with an African story from Durban.

A man brandishing a toy gun was shot in both legs when he allegedly attempted to hijack a BMW in Isithebe, north of Durban, on Wednesday afternoon, Sapa reported.

The 23-year-old allegedly approached a motorist stopped at a traffic light and pulled a gun from a black plastic bag. The 51-year-old driver drew his personal firearm and opened fire on the toy-gun person, hitting him in both legs.

As I think I began by saying, the weirdness of young people - well, of all people - is truly astounding.

• This is Karen Bliksem's The Diary column, published in the Sunday Independent.