Story
by Jeff
K.
Writing / Editing by Rich
"Lowtax" Kyanka
CHAPTER
1: THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY
Biff
Strokinoff was in his Super Secret Spy Moon Car going
300 megamiles per cybersecond. He quickly shifted
from ultra-ninth gear and moved the Moon Car into
super turbo speed, quickly drawing energy from the
quadlithium crystals he had quickly stored in the
Super Secret Spy Moon Car Quadlithium Storage Tank
in the back of the quick car. The evil UFOs that hovered
above him continued their relentless assault on his
vehicle, trying in vain to blow him off the moon (where
this story takes place).
"These
UFO menaces are coming fast and furious!" Biff
shouted. "But they're no match for my Nuclear
Assault Cannon!" He flipped a switch and sent
a volley of plasma-based death up into the heavens,
blowing the vile UFOs into tiny pieces. The debris
rained down on the surface of the moon like pieces
of debris hitting some kind of lunar surface below
them.
"So
long, suckers!" Biff shouted triumphantly.
"Sorry
to see you evil UFOs fall to pieces!" chuckled
the Super Secret Spy Moon Car which is able to talk
like KITT from Knight Rider but is different than
that car so don't accuse me of stealing that idea
because this story is completely original despite
what anybody else might say especially Jerry who is
a complete moron and forgot to bring his shorts to
gym class last week.
"Haha,
good one!" Biff replied while setting coordinates
for Lunar Base 07 Alpha Omega Zardoz. He couldn't
wait to get back to the base to see his one true love,
Ivanna Skrewyew, the Moon Princess of the Galaxy.
As if able to read his mind, Ivanna's image instantly
flashed on Biff's Trans-Commun-I-Tron 3000 Ultra screen,
her beautiful picture bringing joy and horniness into
Biff's throbbing... heart.
"Congratulations
on shooting those evil UFOs!" Ivanna said, clutching
her heaving bosoms and licking her lips. "You
saved the Moon Gravity Mining Company from being destroyed!
You'll get a promotion for this, Biff! You'll be rising
to the rank of General in no time!"
"There's
only one thing rising in this car, Ivanna, and it
isn't my rank," Biff said seductively while running
his hands along his well-formed pectoral muscles which
I'm including in this sentence not because I'm gay
but because I'm trying to say that Biff has a lot
of muscles and he's strong and attractive for a man,
so don't accuse me of being gay because I like women.
You can ask Sarah at school. I don't have her email
address, but I'll put it up later if I remember, okay?
"Ooh
Biff, you make me so hot! My breasts are heaving for
you! I'd love you even if my dad wasn't the Grand
Emperor of the Whole Galaxy! Our love is cosmic!"
Ivanna lustily replied in a very lusty tone. It didn't
take a rocket scientist (which Biff was) to figure
out Ivanna was full of lust for him. Biff had lust
for Ivanna as well, probably the same amount as her.
All in all, they were pretty equal lust-wise.
"Hey
you two! Calm down before I push the cyber-brakes
on this thing!" the Super Secret Spy Moon Car
interjected. "Also, my name is SARAH which is
a clever acronym so you don't have to refer to me
as 'Super Secret Spy Moon Car' all the time."
"What
does SARAH stand for again? I forgot." asked
Biff while toggling the infrared heat seeking thermal
regulator on the ultra-scan monitor.
"Super
Assault Roving Amphibious Humvee!" SARAH replied
while doing a quick lunar scan. "And you don't
forget it, pardner!"
Biff
laughed. "Haha, SARAH, you're the best! Now let's
go back to Lunar Base 07 Alpha Omega Zardoz so I can
bring Ivanna some man-steak for dinner!"
"You
got it pardner!" Biff and SARAH rode off into
the sunset.