Perhaps He Should Move To Georgia

Once again, the long arm of the law invades our privacy, chipping away at our rights as American citizens. In this case, a man is jailed because he was sleeping with his newlywed bride. Sure, she was sixteen. Sure, she was his niece. Sure, she was his fifteenth wife. That doesn't matter. Everyone should be able to enter into an incestuous polygamous marriage! It's our right as Americans, damnit! (More...)

2000-Year-Old Vampire Enters Plea

The latest vampire to be caught in San Francisco is now worming his way through the legal system. How many times in the last 2000 years has he been tried an convicted? Can we really take these legal antics seriously? Of course, his plea is "not guilty." The legal system can't get tough on vampires because it doesn't acknowledge that they exit! (More...)

Used Condom In McDonald's Chicken Bun

It's happened AGAIN... A disgusting foreign object has been found in a value meal. As if McDonald's food wasn't blecherous enough to begin with, a Wisconsin woman recently bit into a McDonald's Chicken Bun sandwich, and almost choked to death on a used condom! (More...)

Pigdog Journal SCOOPS the Big Boys

Well, I'm not usually one to toot our own horn, but I have to crow about this: our coverage of the LinuxBierWanderung beats all the FAT, LAZY BIG DINOSAURS by a mile! Can you say, "scoop"? How about, "Ooh, that HURTS?" (More...)

Hire This Bad Kid Now!

OBJECTIVE: Find a job where the people I work with aren't all against me. Also, I'd like to find a job where the boss doesn't pick on me. I'm thinking of someday being my own boss. I want to make a lot of money. I need some creative space so I can make things. I want to have the extra time to enjoy the things I'm interested in, like partying and seeing some bands....I am very handy with a hammer, but I think my calling is in sales or customer relations. I'm a people person. I spent a week with my step dad in Arizona and he taught me how to weld. I've become very interested lately in pyrotechnics. Maybe a job starting fires would be cool. Hey, I'm flexible. I just need a goddammed job. If I don't get a job soon, I'll be forced to take up that offer that recruiter from the ARMY gave me.... (More...)

Shipley's Doctor Prescribes More Pills

"I got a prescription for a bunch more pills." In an essay titled "More Drugs," OmniGroup President and founder Wil Shipley reports enthusiastically on his struggle for mental health. "I'd push my own mother in front of a train to keep taking Zoloft," Shipley jokes... (More...)

Horsey Serial Killer Strikes Again

True, animals can be dangerous, but people tend to like horses for some reason. We've managed to domesticate most of the violent urges out of equines. Some people even marry horses now (crazy but true). That's why it's hard to understand violence against them. In one of our most vicious hillbilly states, Arkansas, lurks a serial killer of horses. Authorities have been tracking him for some time. In the middle of the night, some time last weekend, 10 horses were stabbed and slashed for no good reason at all... (More...)

UK Takes Lead In Bestiality

The United States media is still controlled by puritanical censors who want to manipulate everything you hear and see! Once again, these bastards are putting a damper on our entertainment industry's creative edge! Other countries are zooming in to fill the niche, and this country is being left in the DUST. What we're talking about is network television's latest frontier: bestiality. And the British are now winning the race!! The United Kingdom's Channel 4 is gearing up to broadcast a huge bestiality special... (More...)

Dog Fights Off Murderous Deer

Imagine if you went outside one day to get the paper, and you were confronted by a menacing, hulking, 150-pound deer buck with murder in its eyes! That's exactly what happened to a Louisiana man recently. One of these hoofed monsters tried to pull his stomach guts out with razor-sharp antlers! If it wasn't for this man's little weenie dog, he would surely be dead... (More...)